Thursday, August 6, 2015

Beautiful, Beautiful Sunny Thursday.

 GOOD MORNING FRIENDS. I'm in a tremendous mood this morning even though I was awakened by men tearing apart a roof right next door to me. The roof tearing stated about 6:50am. Today is lunch day with Dan and maybe Tony with join us like he did last week. I really love these guys. Later after dinner guess what? I'll be playing pool at Al's place. Also starting soon will be the main road, they call it Middleside Road, will be torn apart and then a brand new road will be there. It's about time. These holes & bumps are destroying our cars. 


Little Old Lady

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two large plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. Unfortunately, there’s a rip in one of the bags and every once in a while, a $20 bill falls out onto the pavement!
Noticing this, a policeman stops her…. ‘Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag … ‘
‘Oh, really? Darn,’ says the little old lady. ‘I’d better go back and see if I can collect them. Thanks for the warning!
‘Well, now, not so fast,’ says the cop. ‘How did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?’
‘Oh, no,’ said the little old lady. ‘You see, my backyard is right next to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there’s a game, a lot of fans come and pee through the bushes, right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingy through the bushes, I say, ‘$20 or I cut it off ‘
‘Well, that seems only fair,’ laughs the cop. ‘OK, good luck! By the way, what’s in the other bag?’
‘Well….’ says the little old lady, ‘…not everybody pays”

The new Facelift (joke)

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.
She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?’
‘About 32,’ is the reply.’
‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’
The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.
It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.
Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her.
She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.
He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.
He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay….How old am I?’
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
The old man says, ‘Promise you won’t get mad?’
‘I promise I won’t’ she says.
‘I was behind you at McDonalds.’

The Waiting Room
This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what is wrong, and sometimes it is embarrassing.
There is nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. 
I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it. 
A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'
'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '
'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.
The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'
The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.  The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes?'
'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice... 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'
'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.




Past Cruise Photos

                                                                Early morning in Antigua. 

        Port Everglades ( Ft. Lauderdale ) where other ships are docked. These two are Princess ships.


                               Well it's for now. Have a fantastic warm Thursday everyone. 

                                                                            SEE YA.



  1. Haha. Old people just gotta have fun! Good ones.

    Happy Thursday. Big hugs, honey...

  2. These are all great, Paul, and the panda stole the show today! :)

  3. Love the panda.

    I'm so happy you're in a great mood. That rocks.

    Loved all the jokes and especially that last one.

    Enjoy your lunch with your buddies.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  4. Sounds like your gonna have a good day even though you had a noisy start & good news about the new road :-)

    Loved the jokes LOL @ the saggy boob one

    I like the photos we are so used to skies like that here LOL

    Have a tanfastic day Paul

    PS: I like the hat

  5. I know the panda didn't do it! Pandas can do nothing wrong in my book.

    Oh my,. a bag full of twenties and a bag full of........... LOL

  6. I played pool once a few weeks ago. I didn't get any balls in the hole but still, I played pool!

    smiles, bee


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