Monday, March 14, 2016

Foggy, Rainy Monday



I'm calling today Italian Monday just because I'm an Italian. You know this morning I woke feeling down and out. The sun was still not out, it was foggy and just feeling not up to par since I lost my hour but I always turn to " Bethere2dayBad Day ♫ by Daniel Powter (2005) and my day changed for the better. What a song. It realistically showed me that even though it may appear that the day looks bad, a bad day can turn into a great day. Thank you my friend Steveo for giving my that song. I should today British Monday but maybe the next time because today is Italian Monday. Ciao.

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A Italian businessman on his deathbed called his good friend and said, "Luigi, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."
"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the IRS...and write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything.'"

Q. What's an innuendo?
A. An Italian suppository.


At the World Women's Conference, the first speaker from England stood up:
"At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."
The crowd cheered.
The second speaker from America stood up:
"After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well."
The crowd cheered.
The third speaker from Italy stood up:
"After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye."


 A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"


Big Lorenzo, an Italian fella, is bragging to his friends about his sons:
"I'ma so prouda my oldest son. He maka fifty thousand dollar evra year. Hesa Engineer!"
"I even more prouda ma second son. He maka five hundred thousand dollar a year. Hesa Doctor!"
"But, I'ma da proudest a ma youngest son. He maka Five million dollar a year. Hesa Sports Mechanic!"
Paolo, his friend asks: "What's a Sports Mechanic?"
Lorenzo replies: "Wella, he can fixa everytin. He fixa da horseraces, he fixa da boxin matcha......."



An old Italian woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City Office Building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like expensive perfume turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destiny and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, looks both beautiful women in the eye, she bends over, and passes gas...
"Broccoli - 49 cents a pound."


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Well that's about it for now with Italian Monday. I respect my Italian heritage a great deal but I can be the first one to laugh with these funny jokes. 


" CIAO MY FRIENDS "




6 comments:

  1. I've not be over to Steve's yet, but that's my next stop. Glad he helped you feel better.

    Loved all the Italian jokes, and some are true, not jokes. You and I both know this.

    Have a fabulous day Paul. ☺

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  2. Funny Italian jokes. Have a beautiful day!

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  3. Thanks Paul I am glad it cheered you up on Italian Monday heheh!

    Had to laugh at the jokes and the Italian cat LOL

    Have a great day & keep smiling :-)

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  4. Love the jokes! Yes, we can love our respective cultures and love other cultures, too, and have the courage to laugh at all of our foibles.

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  5. Thanks for Italian day...I'm half Italy and when I was younger I had the Italian speaking mode down pat. I used to get teased so much I lost it over the years. That wooden spoon thing is SO true!

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  6. Hahaha...good ones. I've used that Italian adjustment tool on my kids, so now I know I am part Italian! Glad you are feeling happy.

    Big hugs, honey...

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Thanks for commenting!