Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Very Cool Wednesday

Good morning my wonderful friends. The last couple days have been very cool around here especially since it's now June. It better warm up a little on Friday for my golf. I hate golfing when it's cold. Tonight my friend Al is coming over to play some pool and tomorrow he and Meilin fly to Timmons, Ontario to bury the remains of his mother. Al has really taken the death of his mother hard. I know, I took the death my mother very hard also. For those that still have your parents, see them every day for you can't tell when God wants them to take them back home.

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Patient: Doctor, I have a problem. I feel unhealthy and depressed. 
Doctor: You should cut down on drinks.
 Patient: I don't touch a drop. 
Doctor: You should cut down on smoking. 
Patient: I don't smoke. 
Doctor: You should stop taking drugs.
 Patient: I don't do drugs.
 Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing. 
Patient: Haven't touched a woman in my life. 
Doctor: In that case, get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, do some drugs, and find a couple of girlfriends. 


A High School English Teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. One smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Not an excuse. You can use your other hand to write with."
 
 
"Doctor, doctor!" said the
panic-stricken woman,
"my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and he's
swallowed a
mouse! What shall I do?"
"Quite simple," said the
doctor calmly. "You just tie a lump of
cheese to a piece of string and
lower it into your husband's mouth. As
soon as the mouse takes a
bite haul it out."
"Oh, I see. Thank you, doctor. I'll go around to
the fishmonger
straight away and get a cod's head."
"What do
you want a cod's head for?"
"Oh- I forgot to tell you. I've got to
get the cat out first!
 
 
The ninety-year-old man was in for

his checkup when the nurse practitioner learned he was about to marry
an
eighteen year old girl. "Now, Mr. Jenkins," the nurse
practitioner
warned, "you should know that when a man your age marries an

eighteen-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt." The old man
shrugged, "If she
dies, she dies." 
 
                                            ---------------------------------
 
A man who was very
upset walked
in to see his doctor. "Doctor, you've got to help me!"
he wailed.
"What seems to be the trouble?" asked the doctor. "I keep
having the
same dream, night after night. There's this door with a
sign on
it, and I push and push the door but I can't get it open."
"What
does the sign say?" asked the Doctor. "Pull," said the
patient. 
 
 
                       ----------------------------------------------------
 
That's it for now. I hope that you all have a very enjoyable day.
 
 
                                           " SEE YA "
                           -------------------
 
 
                             " Cruisin Paul " 

14 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh, those cat memes cracked me right up today. You must have fun searching for humor to post.

    Have a good rest of the week, Paul.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes Jean, I totally enjoy searching for the humor ideas to give to my friends.

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  2. It's sad to lose your parents. Mine are both long gone and I still miss them very much. Especially my mother. We were good friends.

    Loved all the jokes and really liked the first one the best.

    Have a fabulous day filled with smiles, my friend. ☺

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree Sandee. My mother has been gone for 3 1/2 years and it was I lost her yesterday. Have a funny day my friend.

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  3. You are right about cherishing your parents.

    We never worry about matching socks in our house!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The other day I was walking around with mismatch socks and I didn't even know it until my wife started laughing at me.

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  4. Funny doctor and patient jokes. The dancing bear and the cat makes me laugh out loud! Ha ha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad that you enjoyed my blog Nancy.

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  5. I agree about losing parents I lost my mother 17 yrs ago now it was awful, my dad is still going strong he's 86 now.

    LOL @ those cats the Batman cat was a spitting image haha!

    Loved those jokes that poor man with the cat and mouse haha!

    Never argue with a bull, LOL @ the bear dancing the cat was a spoil sport :-)

    Have a goldtastic weekend and watch those balls Pauleo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so happy to hear that your father is still going strong at 86. You're very lucky my friend. My dad passed away in the year 2000 at 76 years old from cancer.

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    2. Sorry to hear that Paul it was same as my mum had, and the same year too 2000.

      Have a nice weekend Pauleo

      Delete
    3. I guess you and I are close to the fact in 2000. See ya.

      Delete
  6. I've heard of toilet training but this is a bit much. Good school joke.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well I guess, toilet training is toilet training. Ha,ha,ha. See ya.

      Delete

Thanks for commenting!