Friday, March 24, 2017

Spring Has Sprung Friday






















 
Good morning Friends. I just back from having breakfast with from golfing friends. I was invited to join this group a while back and I'm enjoying this group. These are the same guys that invite me to join them to golf. Jerry will be coming to play some pool this afternoon.
My friend Al and his wife Meilin will be out of the area for awhile so Jerry and my wife will be playing some pool in the process.

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A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child. “No,” said another. “He’s just for good luck.” A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrants.”

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A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!” 



What Is a Grandparent?


  • Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own.  They like other peoples.
  • A grandfather is a man and a grandmother is a lady.
  • Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.
  • When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
  • They show us and talk to us about the colours of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on "cracks."
  • They don't say, 'Hurry up.'
  • Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.
  • They wear glasses and funny underwear. 
  • They can take their teeth and gums out.
  • They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'
  • When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.
  • Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.
  • They know we should have snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad. 



Grandfather in The Ark? Classic funny short story - Grandfather ark story

My sister's eldest boy liked nothing better than to sit on his grandfather's knee and have stories read to him.  One day after a story about Noah's ark, and how Noah led pairs of animals to the safety of the ark. 
The little boy asked, 'Granddad, you are very old, were you in Noah's ark?' Gosh no', said Granddad.' In that case, how come you didn't drown when the flood came?'

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Well that's about it for today my good friends. I hope that you'll have a beautiful Friday. I will.


                                             " See ya "


                               Cruisin Paul
 

 

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Snowy Saturday

  


Good morning everyone. Well the wind i gone but the snow is back and spring will be here on Monday. Oh yeah, Spring. My golfing friends are  leaving me soon for a few weeks and my friend Al is leaving on Monday to go to Vancouver, British Columbia to visit his mother who's 95 years old. He's be back on Friday. MaryLou has begun checking around with our cruise but she hasn't called my travel agent Nancy yet. We'll see.

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A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?" "Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied. "What happened?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."



Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it's sad that law allows only one wife.


An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather tentatively. "I would like it infrequently ", she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"



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Have a beautiful Saturday my friends and I just looked out of my window and guess what I saw?   SNOW! YUK!


                                            " See Ya "

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 Cruisin Paul

Monday, March 13, 2017

Monday Snow





Good morning, good morning, good morning. Guess what my friends? We got SNOW! After having a hurricane type wind that destroyed many things around Amherstburg and Michigan and Ontario, we now have SNOW! I have a guy coming around to see how he can fix the problems with my fence and now this SNOW! Oh well, that's life.

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Francis and Isabella were having their usual battle of the sexes.
"Italian men are all stupid," screamed Isabella
"Oh, yeah?" yelled her husband. "I'll have you know it was an Italian man who invented the toilet seat!"
"And I'll have you know," said his wife, "it was an Italian woman who thought of putting a hole in it!"

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How to Impress an Italian Lady:

Wine her, dine her, hug her, support her, compliment her, surprise her, smile at her, hold her, romance her, laugh with her, shop with her, cuddle her, go to the end of the earth for her...

How to Impress an Italian Man:
Show up naked, Bring Beer.

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Italian customs officers
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.   The Italian customer agent stops them and tells them: "Itsa illegal to putta fiva people ina Quattro."   "What do you mean it's illegal?" asked the Englishmen.  
"Quattro means four," replies the Italian official.   "Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishman says, not believing what he is hearing.   "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons."
"You can'ta pulla thata one ona me," replies the Italian customs agent.  "Quattro means four.   You hava fiva people ina your car and you are therefore breakin'a the law".   The Englishman replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over We want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
"Sorry," responds the Italian official, "he can'ta come".  "He's a busy with two guys in a Uno".  


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                   Have a wonderful Monday everyone


                                               " See ya "





Thursday, March 9, 2017

Better Thursday












 Good morning friends. We just had a heck of a wind yesterday. It blew, and blew and blew all day long. The wind gust were over 60 mph and of course my fence which is 25 years  old areas jut couldn't deal with it and some parts broke and ripped off. One complete area came off. Oh well, that's life.
Today is OK and my cousin just called. We are going for lunch. 

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Luigi and Paulo were fishing in the Mediterranean sea one sunny day when a World War II mine came floating along. On seeing this round, spikey object coming nearer and nearer, Luigi shouts at his friend " Hey Paulo, it's a mine, it's a mine!!!" Paulo replies " O.K. Luigi, you can-a have it!!! "

A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"

 








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 Cruisin Paul

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Happy Sunday Morning


Good morning friends. I'm very glad that I'm back writing but I'm not sure if this blog is working. This will be a very short one just to see if it is working.See ya