Thursday, September 20, 2018

Rainy Day Thursday

Good morning friends. I woke up this morning to rain and more rain. Here is your photo morning on a cruise.


We have arrived on Willemstad, Curacao, one of the ABC islands. If you live in Curacao, your homes will look like.


We have been in Curacao twice and hopefully we will be on this island again.

I've been watching John Heald's blog and he's been showing many videos while he was on the Carnival Vista. I have been on the Vista and it was a wonderful ship. 


This was when we were on Grand Turk another island that I enjoyed a great deal ( we have been here 5 times ).
Now John will be on Vista's sister ship called the Horizon. 

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There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's the matter?" The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend." The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey. The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?" The man says, "I found out that my son is gay." The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey. Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?" The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does."



A lady walks into a bar and sees a really cute guy sitting at the counter. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. "Magic Beer", he says She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after that there is no one else worth talking to,goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,"That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?" "Yes, I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window,flies around the building 3 times and comes back in the window. The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again." He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window. She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having." She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies. The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, you're a real asshole when you're drunk, Superman!"



Guy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs. Guy: Do they swell? Girl: No. They spread.

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"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man. "Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend. "I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."



I'm just sitting here on the toilet

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."
With that, the bartender  looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"






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Well, that's about it for the day. I hope that you all have a wonderful Thursday. 


                                                " SEE YA " 

                              ------------------------------------



Cruisin Paul
  

Saturday, September 15, 2018

Foggy Saturday

Good morning everyone. Looking outside my window, I can hardly see across to my neighbor's home. 
Yesterday I had my handy man Allan, whose very good, complete the tops of my fence. They were 25 years old and were bad. He'll be coming back in the Spring to finish  the rest of them.

This is the bustling port city of Castries is St. Lucia's capital. This was the very first cruise port that went to see. We were on the Carnival Legend.

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Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?" "Yeah," says the other cowboy.  "Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."  Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon." "Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what colour they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"  The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."


The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a donkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the donkey's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the donkey. "Your name is written inside the cover."



The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks “Why in the world are you dressed like this?“ The Cowboy says, “Well it’s like this Sheriff… I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motorhome with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt . so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants…so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts… so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town, cowboy..' and here I am.” Son of a Gun, Blond men do exist.


One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience.
On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each other’s bodies.
Things are going fine until the bride discovers her husband’s penis. “Oh my”, she says, “What is that?”
“Well, darlin”, the cowboy says, “That’s ma rope”.
She slides her hands further down and gasps.
“Oh my goodness. What’s them?” she asks.
“Honey, them’s my knots”, he answers.
Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes, the bride says, “Stop honey. Wait a minute”.
Her husband, panting a little, asks, “What’s the matter honey?
Am I hurting you?”
“No”, the bride replies. “Just undo them damn knots. I need more rope!”

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That's it for now partners. Enjoy your Saturday.

                           
                               " SEE YA "


Cruisin Paul

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Sunny Wednesday

I've had a very busy morning. I was waiting for a man from Bell Telephone company to fix my phones. Early Monday morning we noticed that that the phone wasn't working so we called for assistance. We were told to check our phones is some were out. They then informed us that a man would come between 12:00 pm and 6:00pm. He comes at 6:15 and did some fiddlying around and said it now works and left. Half hour later it broke down and my wife called again and the people said the same words and that a worker would be around 5:oo and 9:00pm. Guess what? No one came. I then called Bell again and informed them in my words of love over the phone, You better get someone with knowledge to help or I will cancel my phone with Bell. Thye next morning a young guy came in, checked everyone of my phone jacks and he found the problem, checked everything and left. Thank God it now works or I might just blow my top.
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A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just incase this guy shows up again." The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door. The husband whisperes to the wife, "Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to a see where he's going with this." She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, "Do you have a Vagina?" "Yes I do." says the lady. The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!"

 
Little Mary is at her first wedding. When it’s over, she asks her mother, ‘Why did the lady change her mind?’ ‘What do you mean?’ asks mother. ‘Well,’ replies Mary. ‘She went down the aisle with one man and came back with another.’


A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."

 
I can remember where I got married. I can remember when I got married. I just can’t remember why.

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That's it for now my friends. I hope that have a great day.

" SEE YA "


Cruisin Paul                                                           
 

Saturday, September 8, 2018

Cool, Rainy Saturday

Good morning friends. How have you all been doing this wonderful Saturday.

       This is the port in St. John's, Antigua

Yesterday I golfed with my friends Gerry and Rick. It was a great day for me. My 5 wood was hitting straight down the fairway and my putting which is good all the time was even better. On most of the greens I putted one time. Rick kept saying to me, " Who is crazy guy? " I really had a very enjoyable golf day. The only problem is when I got home, my body was very sore and tired. I guess I'm getting very old. LOL

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A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not
been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant
about all the new technology. A technician followed her
onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking
machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate
to be hooked up to that thing," she said.
"So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning
machine."




Inquiry

A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I can, what's the name and room number?"
The old laday in her weak voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."
After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, "Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday."
The old lady said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you!"
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"
The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me sh*t."

 
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs."

The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs,".

And men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."

All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"
 
 
 
 A man lying on a nude beach noticed a little girl eyeballing his private bits as she approached, so he covered them with a newspaper.

When the little girl was close enough, she asked the man what he was hiding under the newspaper, to which he replied, "it's just my little bird."

The little girl asked if she could see the little bird, to which the man replied that she could not, because it was resting.

The man eventually fell asleep, forgetting about the incident.

A while later, the man woke up in a hospital bed, in AGONY, and cried out, "what HAPPENED???"

Just then, the little girl stepped in and said, "I tried to play with your little bird, but it SPIT at me, so I broke its neck, crushed its eggs, and burned its nest..."


                   ---------------------------------

Well that's it for now. I have to watch some golf on TV right now. Yes, I know but I a golf fanatic. Enjoy your day everyone.

                                 " SEE YA "

CruisinPaul
 

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Here We Go Again, I Hope


Good morning my friends. Once again I'm going to give you my blog. Hopefully some of my friends will be stopping by to visit with me.
Last night Gerry called and informed me about our golfing time. He's going to pick me up on Friday, at 09:10am. I'll be ready.

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Try to explain women

A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.

"Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead".

"OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"

GOD says, "So you would like them."

"OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?"

"So you would LOVE them", GOD replies.

The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?"

GOD says, "So they would love you!"



Reward for goodness

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates.

The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you.

To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife." The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation.

To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW.

To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?" The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times." The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation.

A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out. "Why are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the mansion and limo!" The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!" 




The name of your wife

St. Peter is questioning three married couples to see if they qualify for admittance to heaven.

"Why do you deserve to pass the Pearly Gates?" he asks one of the men, who had been a butler.

"I was a good father," he answers.

"Yes, but you were a drunk all your life. In fact, you were so bad you even married a woman named Sherry. No admittance."

St. Peter then turned to the next man, a carpenter, and asked him the same question.

The carpenter replied that he had worked hard and taken good care of his family.

But St. Peter also rejected him, pointing out that he had been an impossible glutton, so much so that he married a woman named BonBon.

At this point the third man, who had been a lawyer, stood up and said, "Come on, Penny, let’s get out of here."



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Well that will be it for today. Please enjoy your day and come back again.

                               " SEE YA "


Cruisin Paul

 

Monday, September 3, 2018

After Labor Day

I'm not sure that the blog is really back. I'm still having screwy things going on. 
But I will continue with it as long as this thing goes on.
Well tomorrow the children go back to school. Guess what? It's suppose to rain with thunder and lightning and rain. It's OK, I'll be inside. 
I spoke to Gerry on Saturday. I haven't seen him since the first Friday of August when we played golf. It seems that they were just inside due to the heat. He asked me if I wanted to play golf on Friday. Of course I said so we'll see if we play. Tomorrow I go for my massage.
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  • Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
    ‘And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?’ the reporter asked.
    She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’
  •  
  • Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ‘How do you really feel? I mean, you’re 72 years old, how do you honestly feel?’
    ‘Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I’ve got no hair, no teeth, and I just wet myself.’
  •  
  •  Three old guys are out walking.. First one says,
    ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’
    Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer.’



                           " See Ya For Now "

Cruisin Paul







PS: I hope this can continue.  

Sunday, September 2, 2018

Surprising Sunday



Good morning friends. I'm not sure that this will work out but I'll try it. 

Cruisin Paul