Saturday, April 28, 2018

It's Getting Better Spring Is Here Finally.

Good Saturday morning everyone. Well April is just about finished and all the things  that I needed to complete to have done are completed. Yesterday was my last golf lesson and I have to say, I have learned a great deal even though there were so many things that he showed us. Thank goodness the golf pro gave us a sheet that we did during the class. I'm waiting for the last one that will include a video of my first & last class  of me swinging the ball. Now that should something. LOL. Next week I plan to hit some balls to practice some of the things he taught me.  My friend told me that when I'm ready, he'll take me over at Pointe West Golf Course. 

                  Hopefully, not like this.

3 Nurses and a Wish

A nursing assistant, floor nurse, and charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarfs and wearing large polished stoned jewlery.
"I am 'Gina the Great'," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!" With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.
The nurses quickly aurgued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. "I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.
The floor nurse went next."I wish I were rich and retired and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well groomed men feeding me coccoa and doughnuts." With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.
"Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady.
The charge nurse said," I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."


A man and woman are at a bar having a few beers. They start talking and soon realize they're both doctors. After an hour, the man says, "Hey, how about if we sleep together tonight? No strings attached." The woman doctor agrees to it. They go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes into the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. At last, she goes into the bedroom and they have sex. Afterward, the man says, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yes," says the woman, "how did you know?" "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started," he says. "That makes sense," says the woman. "You're an anaesthesiologist, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" asks the man. The woman replies, "Because I didn't feel a thing."


Well that's about it for now. I'm leaving to go grocery shopping at the Italian grocery store. You may ask , " isn't the grocery store the same as a regular grocery store?". No, they talk in Italian. Ha,ha,ha.


                                                               " SEE YA "

Cruisin Paul

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Tuesday Doctor

I just got back from the doctor's. I nurse weighed me in. Thank goodness. I was down two lbs. Then she checked my blood pressure but before I went I checked my own blood pressure and twice it showed 140 over 75. After she checked it was 190 over 80. My doctore said that everbody's pressure is crazy because every time they come to the doctor, it is sky high. He checked me and except for  my weight, I was good. I decided to have a shingles shot ( In June I take the second shot ), sheet for all the blood tests, and I had to have my ears cleaned. That's why my wife kept telling me that I was putting the TV on to high. The doctor also informed me that next year I have to have a colonoscopy. Heck I knew that even before I went there. After the blood tests results, he wants to see me and discuss with them. As of now, everything seems to be OK.

I put this on the blog because in reality when the lady took the blood I can never look at. Even this makes me oozy.


Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!" With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"


Two guys were sitting outside a medical clinic. One of them was crying, tears were pouring down his face.
The other guy asked, “Why are you crying?”
The first one replied, “I came here for blood test.”
The second one asked, “So? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?”
The first guy replied, “No. Not that. During the blood test they cut my finger.”
Hearing this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked the other, “Why are you crying?”
Then the second guy replied, “I’m here for a urine test.”

Drunken Excuses

There was a cop that had pulled a man over when he appeared to be drinking and driving. The cop told him that he was going to have to take a breathalyzer test and the man replied “I can’t do that, I have asthma and can’t hardly breath anyway.
The cop said “Well, I guess we will have to go down to the station and get some blood drawn”.
The man said “No, I can’t do that, I am anemia and have to have a blood transfusion every week”.
The cop said “Well sir, you need to step out of the car and walk this white line.”
The man said “I can’t do that, I’m too drunk to stand up.”


That's it for now my friends. When do you have to visit your doctor for a check up? 

                                  " SEE YA "

Cruisin Paul

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Beautiful Bright Sunny Thursday

Good morning friends, my wonderful five friends that read my blog. Some times six or seven of you. I'm very happy and proud to have a group of you that keep me excited doing this blog. 
As the title says, beautiful,bright, sunny Thursday. Even up to last night, we having snow showers but this morning a bright sunshine and, now listen to this, 50 degrees.
Yesterday I went to my first golf lesson. The PGA teacher showed us how to correctly hold the golf club and he went and spoke to each of us if there were any problems that we had. After I spoke to him about my problems, He was amazed that I can golf at all and he did say that he could help me hitting the ball a little further. That's all that I want.

Today I go for lunch with my cousins Dan & Tony. 

Funny Golf Story - The Golf Jackpot

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.

He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron."

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong. He puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup.

He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow, that's amazing.You must be a lucky frog, eh?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky Frog."

The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.

"What do you think, frog?" the man asks.

"Ribbit 3 Wood."

The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.

By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life. He asks the frog, "OK, where to next?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas."

They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK, frog, now what?"

The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette."

Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, "What do you think I should bet?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6."

Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but, after the golf game, the man figures what the heck.

Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."

The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me."

He figures why not, since, after all the frog did for him, he deserves it.

With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God."


Well that's all for today. I'm trying to do little things different in my blog. Let me know if you want more jokes or cartoons.  

                               " SEE YA "

Cruisin Paul

Sunday, April 15, 2018

April ICE

Good morning everyone. I said good moning for you because around here, April 15th I woke up to a picture like this above. We had ICE last night. The day we had a temperature of 76 degrees and this morning ICE. It's crazy around here. This week I'm suppose to have two golf lessons not skating lessons. 
On Friday I visited my friend Gerry and his wife Shirley. Gerry is recuperating from open heart surgery. He looks good but it will take about three months to get back to normal but even then he has to be careful. Shirley told me that Gerry will drive the golf cart while she plays golf. Oh my, that will just kill him. Ha,ha,ha. I'm so happy just seeing him up and at it.


It's nobody's birthday at the moment but I just thought it was funny.

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree." With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay. The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall." 

                                 " SEE YA " 
Cruisin Paul

Wednesday, April 11, 2018


Today is April 11th and can you believe it? This morning I looked out the window and saw SNOW! Golfers can't get out to play.  I have 4 golf lessons coming up and I would love to get out and play but not with a winter coat on. Yuk!
This week we have a company digging and placing tubes with wires in them. The call it " fiber optics ".

Bell company is spending a great deal of money putting this in our area. 

Definition of fiber optics

1 : thin transparent fibers of glass or plastic that are enclosed by material of a lower refractive index and that transmit light throughout their length by internal reflections; also : a bundle of such fibers used in an instrument (as for viewing body cavities)
It means nothing to me. All it means is that my internet can be faster BUT it will call me more money if I want it.


A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered. 


That's it for today except, it's still snowing. Oh my God!

                                 " SEE YA "

Cruisin Paul
Lawyer Trying To Prove His Clients Innocence Backfires A fellow’s wife went missing and being that everyone knew that he and his wife were in a big fight he was accused of murdering her and disposing of the body. When witness after witness came to the stand testifying to all sorts of horrible threats that the accused threatened his wife and things were looking quite dim for the accused the man’s lawyer got up to the stand. “Ladies and Gentleman of the jury I have something quite exciting to tell you, if you would all please direct your attention towards the door behind me on my left you will see the supposedly dead women walk in on her own two feet.” There was a loud murmuring in the courtroom as all eyes turned towards the door. “Ladies and Gentleman” said the lawyer after a few seconds of anxious waiting, “To be honest with you, Nobody is going to be walking through the door, however from the fact that your eyes all turned towards the door it is quite obvious that you are not sure beyond the shadow of a doubt about my client’s guilt.” To the lawyer’s great surprise, the jury decided that the man was guilty. “But how could you say that he is guilty? Didn’t I prove it to you?” Questioned the lawyer. “It is true that we all turned towards the door,” one old lady explained, “but there was person who didn’t.” “Whose that?” Questioned the indignant lawyer. “Your client.” Came the reply.

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Friday, April 6, 2018

Interesting Spring

Good evening friends. I wanted to write tonight because I will be spending watching the Masters Golf Tournament.
A short little note about my friend Gerry, my golfing friend. He was rushed to the hospital last week a serious open heart operation. He came home Thursday and called me up. He sounds a little rough but just to hear his voice was heavenly. He told me that he will be out for about 8 weeks. I told him I was just happy knowing he back. He told me that in about two weeks I might be able to visit him. I can't wait. Get well Gerry.

 I'm trying different ideas dealing with jokes and I'll starting with jokes about Canadians of which I am true and true. I'm a Canuck.

After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one. The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Molson sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Molson's?" The Molson president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I." 




Cruisin Paul
                                 " SEE YA "

Tuesday, April 3, 2018


Good morning everyone. This month is crazy for me. Yesterday I took my Camero on the road and went to car shop to have the oil change and check the tires. They were down a bit.

Tomorrow 4th, my wife and I have to visit with our financial advisor, the lady who I always ask her, can I have another cruise and guess what her comment always come back, Paul, you can two if you want. Horray!

On Friday, the 6th, I have a meeting with " Shar ", the place where I go to have a pedicure.

Now next week on Tuesday, the 10th, I have a massage, I love having a massage. My muscles have always been tight and each time she tells me that my muscles have knots in my shoulders and neck. She has been loosing them out and each time I'm feeling much better.

Now each Thursday my cousins Dan & Tony go for lunch over at McDonald's.  I usually get the hamburger and medium, double, double.

 Because golf is just beginning, I decided to go and get some lessons. I just wanted to learn to swing a little better. I'm not going to be that much better as a golfer but I just wanted to improve . On the Wednesday 18th ,
Friday 20th, Wednesday 25th and Friday 27th hopefully the pro golfer will help me a little.

Now the last week of April, Monday the 23rd will be my final chiropractor day. I've been with him for the entire year. He's straighten my back to where I feel really great. Before I began with him, I waas a mess, totally in pain every day. Now I feel with no pain what so ever.

 The last thing that I have to have done is my yearly physical. As I get older, I need to check and see how my body is doing. I can tell that I'm slowing down a little. People have noticed that I need to use my cane a great deal. My balance is off a little and next year is colonoscopy. My dad, he died because of colon cancer, told me just before he die, told me to make sure to have a colonoscopy. I've always had it done.

So that is my entire April month. I feel tired just writing this down.


Just before I leave, last night I received a phone call my golfing buddy 's wife. We have been noticing that have been gone for the last week and last night she called to inform me that Gerry, my friend, was in London, Ontario hospital. She told me that Gerry had had open heart surgery.It seems he went through the operation great and should be home soon. Get well Gerry so that we can out an play golf again.

                                 " SEE YA "

Cruisin Paul