Monday, June 18, 2018

Over 90 degrees Monday (Hot )

Good morning friends. Yesterday it was in the 90's and today they say it will be close to 100 degrees. My AC kept stopping throughout the day. Thank God it didn't go out period. Now today I'm worried. 
I had another golf lesson on Friday. I needed some help with my driver and the woods. Matt Brode, the PGA professional helped me before and I have improved with my irons so I thought he could help me with my woods. He also gave some exercises to assist me to loosen my body before I go golfing. I can't wait to go golfing.
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Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!" 



Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."  



During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable! Eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peaked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, chorused, "Happy Birthday!" 



 Brunette: "Where were you born?"
Blonde: "The United States."
Brunette: "Which part?"
Blonde: "My whole body."



                      ___________________
 Well that will be it for now. Stay cool my blogging friends. I will try.


                                  " SEE YA "

Cruisin Paul

       

9 comments:

  1. Love the idea of underwear made out of blue jean material. I can think of a few people who could use them.

    We've had the same weather pattern as you and people are complaining about it. There must be something wrong with me because I haven't even had my air on and I don't feel like it's in the '90s. I do all my bellyaching about the weather in the winter.

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    1. Well I do my bellyaching now Jean. I'm sweating. Of course I'm fat.

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  2. Hope the A/C holds up today. 100's here too. I couldn't live without A/C. My favorite invention I think. Great jokes as always - love the car!

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    1. I'm with you Peggy. AC is on and also my car.

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  3. Oh, my. What a birthday surprise that was.

    Hope you get a break in the heat soon!

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  4. Thanks Mimi. Yes, after near 100 degrees we are now in the 70's. Thank God.

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  5. Bliey your still having AC probs and in those temperatures hope it didn't keep stopping too much.

    Good to hear your golf is improving Pauleo

    Those joke were funny lol especially the lady with the extremely persistent wind lmao

    Have a poottastic day Pauleo and keep cool :-)

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  6. I like beans but I don't like them THAT much. Those poor party guests. Haha.

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  7. It is hot over here too. Good thing it rained this evening and it is cooler now. I like beans but I don't like the gas!

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Thanks for commenting!