Friday, July 27, 2018

Wonderful Friday

Good fantastic Friday friends. There is not much going on today. Mary Lou & AmyLynn are grocery shopping this morning and I'm going grocery shopping at the Italian store. 
Tomorrow is Cole's birthday and they are having a party for him, one hour skating on ice and after that everyone else enjoys some food and then he gets to enjoy his gifts. 
My friend Al had to go to London to see his doctor. I haven't seen him to find out his results. Jim has had 3 operations and his wife told us that they almost him twice but for now he'll be in the hospital for a month.Please pray for him. He's still in bad shape.
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Awhile back I showed you all my flowers in my yard. It wasn't all of them. Now here is the rest.
        It is called, " The Rose of Sharon "

The little tree that I have on my deck I showed before but it has grown with more flowers.

Here are a few other flowers that have come out since the first time'
And finally here is a group along the front of my deck.

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 A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening health attack. He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on hospital bed. An young nurse came to cleanse his body with sponge. The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just setting you clean” The patient repeated again, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse was quite embarrassed to answer the question and said “Sir everything should be OK” The patient just kept on asking again and again, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse could not bear a patient concerned so much. So she raised his gown, moved her hand to find and grab his penis and testicle, moved it all around, checked very closely and suddenly man ejaculated on nurse’s hand. The man pulls off his oxygen mask, embarrassed at the fiasco says loudly enough, “Ma’am, Thanks but I still need to know 'Are my tests results back?’”


Late in the night he regained consciousness. He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident. She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down." Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?" That, my friends, is a positive attitude!


Peter: "Your secretary is very sexy..." Tony: "Thanks! It's a robot actually, named 'Maria'. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters! I'll Lend it to you for a day & you can see her functions..." Next day Peter called Tony from hospital & shouted: "You bastard!" You didn't tell me that the "HOLE" between Maria's legs is a pencil sharpener.

Two children, Johnny and Alex were sitting outside a clinic. Alex was crying very loudly. Johnny: Why are you crying? Alex: I came here for a blood test. Johnny: So? Are you afraid? Alex: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger. After hearing this Johnny started weeping making Alex feel surprised as well as curious and Alex asked: Why are you crying now? Johnny: I came for a urine test!

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Have a good Friday my friends.

" SEE YA "


Cruisin Paul

and Mary Lou.     
                                               

Monday, July 23, 2018

No Sun This Morning

Good morning friends. It's been a difficult week. My brother-in-law Jim who has been in the Toronto hospital for some time was suppose to come home but suddenly he started to bleed again and the doctors aren't sure why. So of course he's back into the hospital. My cousin Tony is back taking that chemo and the doctors just told him that they hope it works. And my friend Al is back home form Vancouver, BC and he's been having more problems dealing with Parkinsons. I went and had my second PSA blood shot and the next day the doctor's office informed me that it showed that I was stable what ever that is and that my doctor wants to talk to me the results. So how was your week?
Over the weekend I got watch the Open in Scotland for two days and the winner was the Italian. Hooray!!

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A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out.
"Well," said a customer, "I never saw anything as peculiar as that!"
"What's so peculiar about it?" the bartender said. "His wife sent him out for a jar of olives."





After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. Corona's president sits down and says, "SeƱor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
Then Budweiser's president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
Coors' president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, the only one made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I."


A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Beer for me, beer for you, and beer for everyone who is in the bar now." After drinking, the man starts walking out of the bar. "Hey, what about the payment?" yells the bartender. "I have no money," answers the man. The bartender hears that and beats the man as hard as he can, then throws him out into the street. The next evening the man walks again into the bar and says to the bartender, "Beer for me, beer for you, and beer for everyone who is in the bar now." The bartender thinks to himself, "The man can't be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, tonight he must have enough money", and gives beer to everyone. After drinking, the man starts walking out of the bar. "Hey, what about the payment?" yells the bartender. "I have no money," answers the man. The bartender hears that and beats the man as hard as he can, then throws him out into the street.
One evening later the man walks again into the bar and says to the bartender, "Beer for me, and beer for everyone who is now in the bar."
In disgust, the bartender asks "What, no beer for me this time?"
"No," answers the man, "you get violent when you drink."



A man is sitting in a bar in the US and is minding his business when a man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, the President's Army." The bartender says, "Alright then" and the man leaves.
A few minutes later another man with a large black beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, the President's Army." The bartender says "Alright then" and the man leaves.

The man gets an idea and walks up to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. He drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?" The man says, "Excuse me, the President's Army." The bartender says, "Hey where is your big black beard?" The Scotsman thinks quickly. He lifts his Kilt and says, "Secret Service!"

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A guy walked into a bar and said to the bartender: “I’ve got this great Polish joke.”
The bartender glared at him and warned him: “Before you go telling that joke, I I think you ought to know that I’m Polish, the two bouncers on the door are Polish and most of my customers are Polish.”
“OK,” said the guy. “I’ll tell it slowly.”

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   That's all there is for today my friends.  

                               " SEE YA "


Cruisin Paul



 
 










    Cartegena, Colombia

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Finally, A Cool Day

Good morning Friends. I had hoped to never deal with President Trump but,,,,,,, after yesterday' s summit in Helsinki, attacking the NATO family was something but attacking his own people and standing with Putrin, well I'm shocked. That's all. I won't say anymore.
My brother - in - law Jim is still in the Toronto Hospital after having two operations. We hope that he gets well soon. 
My friend Al will be home Wednesday and I want to find out how he made out in Vancouver. Thursday I have to go and have another PSA shot, as I told you before you, my doctor wants another one for some reason. I think soon I will need to see a new dentist. I noticed that one of my upper teeth was getting loose. Oh boy!








It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."


A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."



On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself out late and decided to look for a place to rest the night. He finally found a hut in the middle of the woods and knocked on the door. An old man answered, and he agreed to give Johhny a bed for the night on one condition: the man's teenaged daughter would be in the other bed, and Johnny was not to touch her or disturb her sleep in any way. Johnny agreed, but changed his mind when he saw how beautiful the sleeping girl was and, while she didn't respond to his caresses, she didn't push him away either. The next morning, Johnny awoke alone, but he figured the girl had gone to do her chores and he eagerly awaited her return. Instead the old man walked in, wiping the tears from his eyes. "What's wrong?" asked Johnny. "Oh, I've just come back from the cemetery we had my little girl's funeral this morning. But thank you so much for sitting up with her body last night."


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When you pass away, do you think any of your blogger friends will come to see you at the funeral? Ha,ha,ha, that will never happened unless one of them lives near you.
Have a great day my blogger friends. 

                                 " SEE YA "


Cruisin Paul

Thursday, July 12, 2018

A Very Beautiul Thursday

Good morning everyone. The last two days have just fantastic but it ends. Tomorrow were back to the 90's and I play golf. Why can't the beautiful days be the ones that I'm playing golf? Oh well.
Al &  Meilin are in Vancouver, B.C. visiting his daughter. I hope things are doing well for him.
Mary Lou & I have been thinking about moving and selling our home. We've been here for 26 years and I love here but the other night as I reached the top of the staircase, I almost fell down the stairs. I was lucky that I grabbed the bannister. If I had fallen, well I don't even say what could have happened. So we are thinking about it.

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The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?" "There," said the wife, "didn't I tell you he was stupid?"


A Scots boy came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play. "Wonderful," says the mother, "What part is it?" The boy says "I play the part of the Scottish husband!" The mother scowls and says: "Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part."


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An Irishman had no idea his wife was having an affair, so he was mad with grief when coming home early one day he surprised her and her lover in the act.
He grabbed a pistol and pointed it at his head, which made his wife burst out laughing.
"What do you think you're laughing at," he cried, "you're next."


"Not now kid!"

 $text4
Last night a large quantity of sand, cement and gravel were stolen from a local builder's yard.
A police spokesman said they are looking for some concrete evidence to help catch the thieves.
 
$text4
What do you call the people who are made of rubber and stand at the entrance to a nightclub?
Bouncers.
 
$text4
What would you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
 
 
 
 
 
 A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal.’ The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan’. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ”But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.” 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Well that's about for today. I'm just waiting my cousin Dan to pick me up for us to do to lunch. 
 
                      " SEE YA My Friends "
 
 
 
Cruisin Paul