Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Sun & Hot Weather Before Storms Wednesday

Hi there friends. I hope that you're doing well. Good news, my brother-in-law Jim has left the hospital in Toronto. I even had the chance to talk to him on the phone. He sounded great but very weak. He told me that after the three operations, it left him a large hole in his stomach area that would take a year to eventually close up. Yuk! But he's alive. Thanks to all of you for your prayers.
In 1998 while I was still teaching, a friend that wrote poetry gave me a book of poems. I found the book the other day and one of the poems explained my enjoyment of cruising.
Here it is:

                                    Island Souls

                    How beautiful the islands ride
                    Upon the ocean blue -
                    And people scattered far and wide
                    Are sometimes islands too.

                    But lonely is an island's life
                    To never meet or touch -
                    Forever being all alone -
                    Forver missing much.
    
                     Yet hope abounds that island souls
                     Can from their bonds break free
                     To know a life complete and whole -
                     For God's love is the sea.

                                                        Patrick Douglas


Well I hope that you enjoyed this. I thought about all the different islands & the different people that I have meet during my times on those islands. Many of those islands were affected by hurricanes and they have just become to get better.

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Flirty text messages to brighten up her day

#1 I wish I was your mirror, so that I could look at you every morning.
#2 You’re so hot, I get a tan every time I look at you.
#3 You were amazing last night. Imagine what it would be like if it wasn’t just in my dreams?
#4 Sweet dreams… I hope I’m in them.
#5 I really like our friendship, but I was thinking… Do you want to make it more?
#6 Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I need to walk past you again?
#7 You’re already on my mind, and I’ve only just woken up.
#8 Do you have a to-do list? If so, put me on it.
#9 Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
#10 I’m a bit like a Rubik’s cube. The more you play with me, the harder I get.


 Traffic policeman: "Didn't you hear my whistle, madam?"

  Woman driver: "Yes, but I don't like flirting while I'm driving."

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"Does your ass have Allstate insurance?" "No, why?"

"Well, do you want it to be in good hands?"

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Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good."

 Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"


  
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                            " See Ya "








Cruisin Paul


Saturday, August 11, 2018

Beautiful, Sunny,Clear Saturday

Good morning everyone. It's quite a morning here in Amherstburg, Ontario, Canada.
This morning I want to talk about a young boy. He turned 13 yesterday, his birthday. His grandfather is my neighbor Ron who has haelped us a great deal since we moved here, 6 years ago. Ron's wife Judy called me to let me that they wanted to let me know about that 13 year old. He hasn't been feeling well lately so his parents took him to the hospital for some tests. Judy called to inform me that the tests showed that their grandson has cancer in his bones. He had already had cancer before and had beat it but now another cancer was throughout his young body. What can I say? Here I am planning to watch golf all day long and yet all I can think about is Ron, Judy, their son's family and especially that young 13 year old. First Jim. along with Al and then Tony and now this 13 year old. Judy has asked me to pray for her grandson so I'm asking all of you also.

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I wasn't sure if I wanted to do a joke day but I thought even all of us need a smile even under this cloud.

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There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's the matter?" The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend." The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey. The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?" The man says, "I found out that my son is gay." The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey. Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?" The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does."





A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?” The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”



One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says “Oh just a beer”. The bartender asked the man “Whats wrong,why are you so down today?”. The man said “My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she would’nt talk to me for a month”. The bartender said “So whats wrong with that”? The man siad “Well the month is up tonight”.


A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables. He sets em down on the bar. And then the bartender said "Now don't you start anything!"

( Now don't you start anything, ha,ha,ha, )
  Now I can smile for a change.
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                                " SEE YA "


Cruisin Paul

 

Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Rain, Sun, Wind Everything Wednesday

Good morning friends. I don't much to say this morning except that Emily my granddaughter was here yesterday and she'll be her this afternoon. We just love her visiting us. She's a very exciting young girl and in December she'll becoming a teenager. Look out then. LOL.

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A man went to the doctor’s office to get a double dose of Viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn’t allow him a double dose. “Why not?” asked the man. “Because it’s not safe,” replied the doctor. “But I need it really bad,” said the man. “Well, why do you need it so badly?” asked the doctor. The man said, “My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my ex-wife will be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can’t you see? I must have a double dose.” The doctor finally relented saying, “Okay, I’ll give it to you, but you have to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects.” On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his arm in a sling. The doctor asked, “What happened to you?” The man said, “No one showed up.”


A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet. His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. "How come you are sweating?" he asks. The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?"



An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?" The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes."


An 80-year-old man tells his wife, "I'm going to the doctor to get me some of those new Viagra pills." His wife gets her coat on and says, "I'm going to the doctor, too. If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm getting a tetanus shot."




Irish Viagra


An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido. 'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor. 'Not a chance', she said... 'He won't even take an aspirin.'
'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'... 'What is Irish Viagra?', she asked.
'It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went..' It was a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!' 'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.
'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. With one swoop of his arms, he sent me cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!'
'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?' 'Freakin' jaysus, it was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again.



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That last joke got me wondering. I wonder if it would work when you visit having a coffee at Tim Horton's & MacDonald.


                                   " SEE YA " 


Cruisin Paul

 

Saturday, August 4, 2018

Sunny Saturday

Good morning everyone. Well we finally got a storm, a good one and I was in it. As I was driving home in my Camero, these heavy,dark clouds came upon me and boom, heavy rain and the ice pellets, ouch my poor care. Luckily I was near my home so the bumble bee was saved but other things weren't. The wind was so strong that everything on the deck was moved all over the place.
Sorry to say that my cousin Tony isn't doing well. He was in the hospital for 5 days and he told me that the chemo nearly killed him. He told me that he has lost 60 lbs and he's down to 160 lbs. Tony was a big man. He told me that the doctors are going to try something different. 
Tonight I'll be playing pool with Al. He's going down also. That's life I guess but it's tough to see with your relatives & friends.

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Dearest Redneck Son,
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain... We haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. The baby looks just like your brother. Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off playfully and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Love,
Mom


A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist: "I'd like to become the next President of the United States." The receptionist: "What are you, an idiot?" Redneck: "Why, is it required?"




Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in the Outback. After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.  The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off; it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.  At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.  The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyser test.  To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyser equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the truly proud Redneck. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."


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That's all there is after that picture above.

                                 "  SEE YA "


Cruisin Paul