Thursday, August 26, 2021

Good morning friends and it is a great morning. On Tuesday morning the owner of the lights came in and changed ever light in our home. I know the guy very well and he's a great guy. After he put the new lights in he said I hope this will help with your problem. Well, after two day, we haven't had a light flickering. We still have to wait for a few more days but it's looking good.

They were suppose to bring the sod Wednesday but unfortunately it rained during the night and it had to be cancelled until later.

I'm smiling more today. 

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John leaves the tent where he is with his girlfriend in the campsite late in the evening.

- John, where you go?

- I’m going to pee outside. Be right back!

Two minutes later when he sits next to his girlfriend:

- John! It’s raining?

- Nah! Just a lil bit windy!
 

 


A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”

the husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”

“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.

The husband climbed out of bed and counted. One, two, three, four. Damn, you’re right.
 
 

 



Three guys are walking down a street ...

A rich man, middle class man and a unemployed man are walking down a very windy street with their wives. A strong gust of wind causes the skirts of the wives to rise up and their husbands notice none of the women were wearing any panties.


The rich man turns to his wife and asks her why she wasn’t wearing any panties? Wife replies: “You don’t give me money to buy any!”. He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a $100 bill and gives it to his wife. His wife leaves to buy panties.

The middle class man asks his wife the same question. His wife gives the same reply. He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a $50 bill and gives it to his wife. She leaves to buy panties.

The unemployed man asks his wife the same question and his wife gives the same reply as the other two wives. The husband reaches into his pocket, pulls out a comb and gives it to his wife saying, “ Well tidy yourself up a bit then”.
 

 

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Cruisin Paul

 

Saturday, August 21, 2021

This morning I want to began my blog with a poem.



This morning my blogger friend Mimi informed us that her brother passed away due to Covid. My condolences to you Mimi and your entire family.

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Yesterday the builder and the gentleman who owns the store where they got all the lights to put into my new home. He was shocked with the lights that were blicking  in my home. He said that he would bring in an electrical man who is knows about things like this. He said he's never seen things like this. Well, we've seen this for 8 months.

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After cleaning up from a recent severe storm, my neighbor offered me free wood for my fireplace.

That was very nice of him. Free firewood doesn't grow on trees, you know.
 
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I'm in a synagogue, and can't leave due to a heavy storm

I'll just wait for it to Passover
 
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 Unfortunately, I couldn't understand what it said but the picture tells you about that storm. It was a doozy. LOL
 

 

A angry woman storms into the doctors office

dragging her nine-year-old son behind her. She goes up to the doctor and asks, "Can a nine year old legally perform an appendectomy?"

"No..." the doctor replies, frowning.

The mother turns angrily to her son. "See, what did I tell you?" She says,

"Now put it back!"
 

 
 



My brother hasn't stopped staring through the window since the storm started

I suppose I should let him in
 
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What do storm clouds wear under their pants?

Thunderwear!
 
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Cruisin Paul

 

Wednesday, August 18, 2021

Well I finally got out up bed. I was so tired last night. Well that so called guy to take care of all of our yards still hasn't come. These people are unbelievable. They don't do what they say but are loaded with excuses. Our neighbors are now getting angry. I'm used to it. The painter hasn't appeared get and the group that was to suppose help with the light problem hasn't showed. I can't believe that people are that stupid. Oh well.Life goes on.





A shark is teaching his kid how to eat humans

and he says "look son, first you swim full force at the human but at the last second, you turn away. Then you swim at him full force again, but again at the last second you swim away. Then you can go back and eat the human."

The son looks confused and asks, "But dad, why can't we just go eat the human the first time?"

Dad replies "Well, you can but why would you want to eat him when he's still full of shit?"
 
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I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
 
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A boy, his father and his mother are having dinner. But the boy doesn't want to eat his broccoli.

- Eat your broccoli! - says the mother.

- No! - exclaims the boy.

The father then leans toward the boy and whispers something in his ear. The boy quickly eats his broccoli and goes into his room.

- What did you tell him?

- I told him that if he didn't eat his broccoli, his dick wouldn't grow.

The woman then stands up and slaps the man as hard as she can.

- What was that for? - he asks, confused.

FOR NOT EATING YOUR BROCCOLI WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD!
 
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What can you serve but not eat?

A tennis ball.
 
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upvote downvote report

"Your honor, it is said that people are what they eat...

And therefore my client is an innocent man!"
 
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Cruisin Paul

 

 

Friday, August 13, 2021

Good Friday morning everyone. We had a wild night the other night. It rained throughout the night and there was a lot of of water. I thought we would need a boat. Luckily things went well.

The builder with a group of people plan on coming into our house and changing all the lights in the house. Something needs to change because we are still having blinking lights

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What's the name of the band who's music helps people sleep?

ZZZZ Top.
 
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My dentist told me "This might hurt a little bit. Are you ready?"

I said "Yes, I'm ready."

He said "I'm sleeping with your wife."
 
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Cruisin Paul

 

Saturday, August 7, 2021

Good morning friends. We spent some time with an old friend & his wife.

John & I when we were young were referee's in hockey and John was in my wedding party years ago.
 

 They are staying in a place called " Leisure Lake " .  I really enjoyed the afternoon with John. I needed some place to rest after the problems dealing with my home and lot.

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                     Fishing, what a life.





One day, two guys Frank and Bob were out fishing.

A funeral service passes over the bridge they’re fishing by, and Bob takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by.

Frank then said, “Gee Bob, I didn’t know you had it in you!”

Bob then replies, “It’s the least I could do. After all, I was married to her for 30 years.”

 



Three fishermen were fishing when they came upon a mermaid, the mermaid offered them one wish each so the first fisherman said: “double my I.Q” so the mermaid did it and to his surprise, he started reciting Shakespeare.

Then the second fisherman said: “triple my I.Q.” and sure enough the mermaid did it and amazingly he started doing math problems he didn’t know existed.

The third fisherman was so impressed he asked the mermaid to quadruple his I.Q and the mermaid said “Are you sure about this? It will change your whole life!”

The fisherman said “yes” so the mermaid turned him into a woman…

 

 




 

One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice from above said, “There are no fish down there.”

He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, “There’s no fish down there.”

He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, “There’s no fish down there.”

He looked up into the sky and asked, “God, is that you?”

“No, you idiot,” the voice said, “it’s the rink manager.”

 


 


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Cruisin Paul