Wednesday, October 27, 2021

Wednesday Cold & Yucky.

Hi there bloggers. I've had an opportunity to write this blog right after dinner. As my beginning statement says, it's cold & yucky. 

I went early this week and had my flu shot. I had no problem and I feel good. I miss the sun and warmth. Monday is coming soon and as my daughter said, Dad, Monday is suppose to be a very good day to put up your shed. Thank goodess.

The other night our fire alarm began having little noises. We found out that it was dust causing the thing to make those noises. The man explained that you should clean around it every month. I didn't realize that. Did you?

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An extremely shy and very modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his digestive system upset.

  Upon making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided that the latest was another false alarm, so he stayed put in his bed. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. Loosing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
 
  A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms wildly, which left the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a security guard who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What was that all about?" Still staring down at his feet, the drunk
  replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost"

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The Howling Husband

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office.
"How was work, dear?" his wife asks.

"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.

"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked
meal?" she asks nicely.

"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna
eat! Alright! Is that alright with you? Can I come home
from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food
down my throat? huh?"

At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing
things around the apartment in a mad rage.

Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to
herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."

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HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYBODY :)

A young couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party and have a good time. Being the devoted husband he was, protested. But she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed. She told him there was no need for him to miss the fun. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. Because hubby did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some kicks watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not around.  She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor. He was dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a feel here and taking a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new "action". She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped out, went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his notorious behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked him what he had done. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got to the party, I met Pete, Bill and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... the guy that I loaned my costume to sure had one helluva time!"


                 Happy Halloween Friends.

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Cruisin Paul


 


Thursday, October 21, 2021

It's Now Getting Cool: In The 50's.

Good afternoon good friends. I'm getting better after falling in my kitchen. Ouch, that floor is so hard.

We got a phone call this morning from Euro-Shed and it was just to let us know that on Nov. 1st, they will be arriving at my place to build my shed. I can't wait. 

October has been pretty warm but now it's going to be the regular fall weather.

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If you ever feel lonely, watch a scary movie

Then you won't feel so lonely anymore.
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What's long, hard, and scary when you first see it?

Calculus homework.
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You know what’s scary?

That creepy psycho killer behind you
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What do ya call a scary movie about your zodiac sign?

A horrorscope
 
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25% of all adult women are currently on medication for mental illness which is quite scary....

Because that means 75% are running around untreated.
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You know what’s scary about a white man in prison?

You know he actually committed the crime.
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Batman is so scary, even bullets are afraid to hit him.

That's why they aimed for his parents.
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Unlike Stephen King's stories, there is nothing scary about his son

He's been Joe King ever since he was born
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That "Born to Be Wild" song is actually pretty scary.

Especially the part where they find a head out on the highway.
 
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A Scary Midnight Story

A taxi driver is going home at midnight when he decides to take a shortcut through a cemetery. He's driving slowly through the dark when he suddenly stops in shock. In front of his headlights is a lady in white hailing him down.

Before he has time to think, the woman climbs in and says in a low whisper, "I'm so glad you're here. Nobody ever goes by here anymore."

There's something really creepy about the lady, and the cabbie doesn't talk with her, just drives to the address she gives. He's so nervous and jittery that he starts swerving hard along the country roads.

Embarrassed that he's so scared, he turns around to apologize for his driving-- but the woman is gone.

Terrified, the cabbie floors it until his heart stops beating like a jackhammer, and he catches his breath at a stop sign.

Starting to think it was all a dream, he looks back to make sure no one is in his car. But he sees the woman in white again. This time, her eyes are dripping blood, and she starts to reach out to him with a pale hand.

This starts the cabbie again and he drives like a lunatic, not knowing what he's doing in his fright. He turns to see if the lady is close, and then hits the brakes-- she's gone again!

Shaking, he pulls a flask and takes a swig of whiskey to steady his nerves, when cold fingers touch his shoulder. He looks behind him and sees the woman's face completely covered with blood now, staring down at him behind a veil of disheveled black hair.

The cabbie panics and drives like a madman, his only instinct is to escape. When he finally calms down, he stops and looks behind him to see that the lady has disappeared again. But as soon as he turns back toward the road, he notices that the lady is now seated beside him in the front passenger seat, blood covering her from head to toe and dripping from her open mouth.

Crazed with fear now, the woman staring him down, the cabbie drives the final stretch to their destination like hell on wheels. When they get there, he collapses back into his seat, all the fight gone out of him.

The blood-covered lady leans over and whispers, in a creaking voice from the edge of the afterlife, saying,

"Hey, cabbie. You gotta fix that back door, I fell out and had to catch up to you three times.
 
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Cruisin Paul

 

 

Saturday, October 16, 2021

October Surprise!

Good morning everyone. October is half over and It's still in the 70's. We haven't had to water the new lawn because God has helped us with the rain. Thank you God. It has saved us a lot of money. Euro - Shed people are coming on Nov. 1st  to build our new shed. I can't wait.

I fell the other day hard on my back. This was the first time since we arrived at our new home.This floor is so damn hard. Luckily I didn't hit my head but my back is killing me and my elbow was cut deeply. Didn't have to go to the doctor but should have. My neighbor said that I needed stitches but I didn't go. Oh well.

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Why couldn't the man get his wife pregnant on October 31st?

Because he had a Hallow - weenie.

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A man meets a Native American with flawless memory...

When he meets this Native American Chief he notices he is older than most.
He asks the Chief many questions, and the Chief replies flawlessly to each one.

Then he thinks of a random date and asks the Chief, "What did you eat on October 18, 1987?" The Chief replies "Eggs".

He leaves the Chief and goes home. A year later he meets the Chief again. Feeling respectful he approaches the Chief, and says "How" and the Chief says,  " Scambled ".

 


 

No Exit - Funny Hotel Story

Byron checks into a hotel for the first time in his life and goes up to his room. Five minutes later he calls the reception desk and says, 'You've given me a room with no exit. How do I get out?' The desk clerk says, 'Sir, that's absurd. Have you looked for the door?'  Byron replies, 'Well, there's one door that leads to the bathroom. There's a second door that goes into a cupboard. And there's a door I haven't tried, but it has a " DO NOT DISTURB " sign on it. "

 




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Cruisin Paul


 

Sunday, October 10, 2021

Happy Sunday

Well good morning friends. I was suppose to get my shed built on Tuesday but I told them to wait because my new grass hasn't taken hold and I would be worried that the men might destroy the new grass. I called and now they will be coming Monday, Nov. 1st. Sounds good to me. 

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A man on vacation in the Caribbean decides to go horseback riding.

He visits a local farm that rents horses to ride around the countryside. The owner of the horse, a very religious man, explains to the visitor that in order to make the horse go, he’ll have to say “Thank God,” and to make the horse stop, he should say “Amen.”

During his ride around the village, the horse is stung by a bee. In pain and shock, the horse takes off running right toward a dangerous cliff.


 " Amen "! the man shouts, hanging on to the horse for dear life. The horse stops just a few inches short of the cliff’s edge. The man catches his breath, looks over the cliff, and mutters out loud,  " Thank God. "
 

 


 
My girlfriends name is Wendy and I had it tattooed on my penis.

When it’s flaccid you can only see WY.

On a trip to the Caribbean I went to the bathroom and was standing at the trough next to a local.

I briefly gazed down and saw that he too had WY tattooed on his penis.

I asked him if his girlfriends name was also Wendy.

 He said " No. When I'm aroused it says, " Welcome to Jamaica - have a nice day Ya man. "

 


 


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Cruisin Paul