Saturday, February 27, 2021

Wonderful Saturday.

Good afternoon everyone. I'm so happy. We finally got this fantastic man come in and check on our sides and wall downstairs and after checking the entire room, he was shocked with the work that these other workers did with the room. He told us it was a mass that these other worker did. He told us he would fix the entire room and staircase and that HE would tell the builders what kind of work that their workers did and how poorly that they did. Hooray, finally a man that we knew and was proud with his work. 



I changed the tags of my mother’s herb jars. She hasn’t notice it yet..

But the thyme is cumin.


One day a mother, father, and daughter are driving down the road in their car

but unbeknownst to them, they were driving behind Lorena Bobbitt.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a mans severed penis smacks into the car’s windshield.

“What was that Daddy?!” asked the little girl from the back seat.

Not wanting to corrupt her young mind, the father answered “it was a butterfly, sweetheart.”

The girl looks at her father surprised. After a moment she exclaims, “Well that butterfly sure did have a huge   Penis  !!!”

Just as mom walks though the door, little Johnny comes running over. He says ''Mommy, Mommy. I was playing in daddy's closet and he came in with the lady next door and they started kissing and then they took off each others clothes and laid down on the bed...'" The mother interrupts him.

''Stop right there!! Wait 'till daddy comes home!!'' When the father finally returns from work, mother promptly goes up to him and says ''I'm leaving you.''
The father, bewildered, slowly asks ''Why!?! What did I do??''
The mother turns to Johnny and says, ''Tell daddy exactly what you told me today!'' ''I was playing in daddy's closet and he came in with the lady next door and they started kissing and then they took each other's clothes off and laid down on the bed...just like what you & Uncle Joe did last summer.''


Cruisin Paul



Wednesday, February 24, 2021

Wednesday What A Mess.

Good morning everyone. You know the way things are going, life is so screwed up. It's hard to believe that people will do the work they are suppose to do. At the last minute they call and say oops, we can't be here. Maybe Friday. What are you suppose to say? You can get angry but why? I've never seen so many crazy working people that lie, and do stupid things. What is wrong with people today? Aren't people true to their work? They lie and cheat today and we the people who have to pay are stuck with this idiots. I give up.


Two policemen call the station on their radio.

"Hello. ..... Is this the Sarge?"


"We have a case here, Sarge. A woman has shot her husband
dead for stepping on the floor she had mopped."

"Have you arrested the woman?"

"No sir. The floor is still wet."




A woman gets pulled over by a policeman for suspected drunk driving.

“Madam, you’re suspected for drunk driving. Please blow this for me for a breath alcohol test.”

“What the hell? That’s your penis, not the breathalyser!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were drunk.”


The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.

“We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.”

“Well, tell me!” the man said.

The policeman said: “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said: “Give me the bad news first.”
So the policeman said: “I’m sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in the bay.”

“Oh my god!,” said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked: “What’s the good news?”

“Well,” said the policeman, “When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeness crab on her.”
“If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?” Mr. Wilkens demanded.

The policeman said: “We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow morning.”


Something to offend everyone...

In Heaven:

The French are the cooks, and the Germans are the engineers. The British are the policemen. The Italians are the lovers, and the Swiss run everything.

But in Hell:

The Germans are the policemen. The British are the cooks. The Swiss are the lovers, the French are the engineers. And the Italians run everything.
 Just to let you know, I'm Italian. ha,ha,ha.




 Cruisin Paul


Saturday, February 20, 2021

Saturday Evening, Not Much Is Going.

 Good evening who ever is on my blog. Good to see ya. For some reason my TV has gone haywire after my wife had a problem with her washer & dryer. After lunch I turned my TV on and I couldn't turned the TV on yet it went on and suddenly changed to Netflick without me even change it. The only way to turn it off was to unplug it. Since we have moved to this place, crazy things have occurred. My daughter says that we have a ghost in our place. 



The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

He was so happy that he entered it in another race, and it won again. The local paper headline read:PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The paper posted the headline: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted. He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The Bishop was buried the next day.


The pastor's first mass

The young pastor was so nervous before his first mass that he could not speak a word. He asks the bishop for advice, and he tells him to pour two drops of vodka in a glass of water and drink it.

The young pastor does as advised and immediately felt so good that nothing could stop him.

After the Mass, he finds the bishop's message:

“Next time, pour two drops of vodka in the water and not the other way around.
In addition, here are some tips to prevent outages like these from happening again:

- it is not necessary to place slices of lemon on the wine glass,
- DO NOT lean on the statue of the Virgin Mary, do not hug and kiss her,
- there are 10 and not 12 commandments,
- there are 12 apostles and not 7 and none of them is a Dwarf,
- We do not call Jesus and his disciples J.C. & Co.,
- David defeated Goliath with a slingshot and a stone, he did not destroy it like a trash can,
- We don't call Jews sons of bitches,
- the Pope must not be called El Padrino,
- Bin Laden has nothing to do with the death of Jesus,
- the holy bread is not a wine snack
- sinners go to hell and not to mothers vagina,
- the one in the corner, next to the choir you called the transvestite in the dress, and it was me! "


A pastor and his wife are standing in line at the pearly gates of heaven.

They watch as A couple in front of them walks up to St. Peter. They request entry but St. Peter shakes his head and says to the husband, "I'm sorry but you loved money so much you married a woman named Penny. You can't enter." They hung their heads and walked away.

Another couple approached and St. Peter shook his head and said to the husband, "I'm sorry but you loved drink so much you married a woman named Sherry. You can't enter." The couple hung their heads and walked away.

The husband of the couple watching this turned to his wife and said, "Alright Fanny let's get outta here."


Cruisin Paul


Wednesday, February 17, 2021

After The Snowstorm.

Well good evening my good friends. We have finally dug out from a very wild snowstorm the other night. Thank God my neighbor and friend Ron who has a snowblower came and dug us out the 3 foot drift in front of the garage door. My daughter Nicole had to go to work but unfortunately she wasn't able. Here is the reason.

In the corner is her Jeep and now you can realize why she wasn't able to get to work. Here are a couple of other photos.

She finally was able to dig out the snow using their snowblower. 

On Friday we are suppose to get more snow. 


Mother to daughter advice:

Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.

But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.



The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly".

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"

"Yes", the boy's mother answered.

"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.

"Who cares?" the mother replied.



Mother to daughter: "What kind of person is your new boyfriend? Is he respectable?"

"Of course he is, Mom. He's thrifty, doesn't drink or smoke, has a very nice wife and three well-behaved children."
Jesus came across an adulteress crouching in a corner with a crowd around her preparing to stone her to death. Jesus stopped them and said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fired off a stone at the adulteress. At which point Jesus looked over and said, "Mother! Sometimes you really tick me off!"


Cruisin Paul


Saturday, February 13, 2021

A New Saturday

Good morning my good friends. Yes, I'm back feeling a little better but still weak. I seem to have had a severe bladder infection and my doctor said if I hadn't come in when I did, I would have ended up in the hospital. I didn't want that. The pain I was having was, well ouch you know where. Since my noseblood, I've fallen down hard on my side and now this bladder infection. I just want to feel good for a change. Thank you for your caring everyone. It made a difference.



 A healthy man has a thousand wishes and a sick person only one.....

..... to win the election. 


Just got home and found all the doors and windows wide open and everything gone...

What kind of sick person would do this to my Advent calendar?
Boss: " You called in sick yesterday and said you had the Corona virus.You can be here util you get tested."
The worker: I said I had a Case of Corona and I wasn't coming in to work. I never said anything about a virus."



                 Thank You Friends.

Cruisin Paul

Monday, February 8, 2021

Sorry Out For Now

I have been ill for a while my friends. I finally went to the doctors and I have a litter problem. I will be back, just give me a little rest and I'll be back in no time. See ya then.

Cruisin Paul