Wednesday, January 15, 2020

It's So Sunny This Morning Wednesday

Good morning friends. This will be my last blog until I return from my cruise. I'm afraid that I probably bored you with my cruise blogs. Sorry about that and after I'm back, the only cruise blog will be showing you about where I've been. Being excited is the where I am. I only cruise once a year but cruising is really me. I guess, if I could live on a cruise ship, I probably would but my wife would divorce me. LOL
I'll let you know how things went on the cruise when I get home. Bon Voyage.

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Daniel fancied himself quite a ladies man, so when his cruise ship went down in a storm and he found himself stranded on a desert island with six women.



Daniel threw himself into the arrangement with gusto, working even on his day off, but as the weeks stretched into months, he found himself looking forward to that day of rest more and more eagerly.


One afternoon he was sitting on the beach and wishing for some more men to share his duties when he caught sight of a man waving from a life raft that was bobbing on the waves. Daniel swam out, pulled the raft to shore, and did a little jig of happiness.


“You can’t believe how happy I am to see you,” he cried.


The new fellow eyed him up and down and cooed, “You’re a sight for sore eyes, too, you gorgeous thing!”


" Crap, " sighed Daniel " there goes my Sundays. "  
 
 
 



A ginger, brunette and a blonde are stranded on an island when they find a lamp.

A Genie appears and offers to grant them each 1 wish.

The ginger wishes for a fully manned cruise ship to appear and sail herself off the island.

The brunette wishes for a piloted private jet to appear and flys herself off the island.

And the blonde feeling lonely since her friends were gone now says to the genie, " you know I wish my friends were all back here  because I miss them. "
 
 .

Why should you never start a conversation about the Titanic ?

Because that cruise ship is no Ice - breaker.
 

the latest trend

I hear the latest trend is to install trampolines on cruise ships -  Apparently everyone's jumping on board.
 
 
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                                 See Ya Friends
 
 
Cruisin Paul
 
 
 

Saturday, January 11, 2020

One Week To Go Until Cruising Time

Good morning friends. We are having a storm with a lot of rain but thank God no snow. Unfortunately some areas in Michigan are going to have ice which means power lines will down. 
I'm just about finished with my luggage. Mary Lou hasn't even started. AmyLynn can't wait for us to leave. She can't wait for her vacation at home without us. he always asks me if I will miss her and I always say, " Who ?" I get her every time. Yes I'll miss her but it will also be a break from her and she knows it. LOL

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Act of Kindness? A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman

peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The

agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of

generosity.

 He called them into his shop and said, 'I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a

holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an

answer.'
 He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star

hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way.

About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. 'And how did you like your holiday?' he

asked eagerly.

'The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,' she answered. 'I've come to thank you. But, one

thing puzzled me.Who was the old guy I had to share the room with?




A guy was planning his holiday with his travel agent.....

 “Last year you suggested The Maldives and when I returned my wife was pregnant.  The year before 
 
that you suggested a safari in Africa and when I returned my wife was pregnant. And before that you 
 
suggested Bali and when I returned my wife was pregnant again. 
 
Can you suggest somewhere cheaper this 
 
year so that I can take her with me so that she won't get pregnant?
 
 
 
 
 

A Flight to Israel...

A woman wants to take her dog to Israel, so she goes to the travel agent to find out how. He says, "It's easy. You go to the airline, they give you a kennel, you put your dog in it, when you get off at Tel Aviv go to the luggage rack, and there's your dog.”

So she does, gets off at Tel Aviv, goes to the luggage rack, no dog. She goes to the lost and found, says, "Where's my dog?" They look all over the airport for it, and find the dog in another terminal. Only the dog is dead.

"Oh, my gosh, they say, we killed this woman's dog. What are we going to do?"

Then one says, "Don't worry, it's a poodle. They're common dogs.”

My friend Yitzi has a pet shop across the street from the airport. We'll get the same size, shape, color, sex. She'll never know the difference."

They bring the woman the other dog but she says, "That's not my dog." Laughingly and making light of it they say, "What do you mean that's not your dog?"

To which she responds, "My dog's dead. I was taking it to Israel to bury it."
 
 
 

 

 

A man walks into a travel agency. He approaches the travel agent and says, "Hello. My fortieth 
 
anniversary is coming up and I'd like to plan a special trip for my wife."

"Wow," replies the travel agent, "Forty years? How do you keep the magic alive for so long?"

"Well," replies the man, "For us, it's all about keeping things interesting and spontaneous. For 
 
example, on our twentieth anniversary,I took her to the Bahamas."

"Oh! How exotic? What are you doing for your fortieth?"

 
" Going to pick her up and bring her home, " the man replies.
 
 
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                        " Bon Voyage "
 
 
Cruisin Paul
 

Wednesday, January 8, 2020

It Snowed Today Wednesday

Brrrrr, it's cold outside. Good morning everyone. This morning I went to town and had my massage with MaryAnn. After I left, I felt so good. My wife and I went to Thrasher's and I picked up my fob, yes that fob and key. I'll have to wait until April to have it attached and fixed. My neighbor Ron told me that when I'm ready just bring it down to Reaume's where he works. 
Eleven more days and I fly to Fort Lauderdale to pick up cruising ship. I leave this snowy place and end up arriving eventually in a sunny, warm place. Horray!

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A lady goes to the baron a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.

As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.'

The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me..'

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would Like to buy you a drink, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming up,' says the bartender.

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to Buy you one, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming right up,' the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why The Scotch with only two drops of water?'
 
The old woman replies, " Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue."
 



On a Cruise Ship

A man is standing on deck, idly watching the water. On a nearby island, he spots somebody. He strains his eyes to see, and can make out that it is a very thin, dirty looking man with wild hair. He watches him jump up and down, wave, run along the beach and can even faintly make out that he man is yelling at the top of his lungs.

Intrigued, the Tourist turns to the Captain, who is standing nearby:

"So, what is up with that guy?"

The Captain shrugs.
" I dunno. He's always this happy when we sail by. I just wave back to him and smile."
 
An Irish cruise ship is headed back from the Bahamas on its last night at sea. Right around dinner time, the captain gets on the loudspeaker.

“This is your captain speaking. There has been a mix up in our supply. While there are 1,000 passengers on board, we only have 750 meals for you all tonight. However, we do have an excess of booze, so anyone who is willing to give up their meal for tonight will receive free drinks for the rest of the cruise”

Two hours later, the captain gets on the loudspeaker again.
 
" Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize but it appears we have run out of booze. On the upside we still have 750 delicious meals for you to enjoy!"

A cruise ship wrecks in the middle of the ocean.

The only three survivors are tourists from different areas of the United States. A man from Georgia, a man from Florida and a man from Hawaii. They float on a raft until they hit an island where they’re met by a tribe of fierce locals who despise outsiders. A member of tribe offers to translate for them so the chief can decide their fate.

The men are brought before a large clearing at the edge of the village where the chief begins his sentencing. “In the field behind me our ancestors have grown all the fruit known to man. You are you to walk the field and pick your favorite fruit then return it to me”

The men think wow this is a very simple punishment. “We shall gather the fruits of our native states to show the chief we miss home and just want to go back” says the man from Hawaii. The other two agree and all three set off into the field. Around 5 minutes later the man from Georgia appeared from the field and approached the chief holding a peach. “Chief I bring to you my native fruit. A gesture that I simply wish to return home” The chief with a smile tells the man to insert the fruit into his rectum and he will be given a canoe and allowed to leave. If he fails to insert the fruit he will be beheaded on the spot.

Instantly the man stuffs the Peach into his rectum just before the man from Florida returns holding an orange. As the Florida man approaches he tells the chief “I have brought you the fruit from my native home simply to show you I miss home and would love to go back”. Again the chief explains the process and the man begins to hastily stuff the Orange in his rectum.

As he gets his pants down and puts the orange in his rectum he begins to laugh. Soon after the first man begins to laugh hysterically as well. Within 30 seconds both men are in tears from laughter. The chief asks the translator what these men are laughing at to which the translator says

“They said the man from Hawaii is looking for the Pineapples. "


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         " See Ya Onboard My Friends. "



Cruisin Paul
 
                                          Cruisin MaryLou

Friday, January 3, 2020

Caribbean Warmth

Good morning everyone. Well it's the 3rd day in January and the new year has begun. This morning Mary Lou & I went for breakfast with our friends Gerry and Shirley Monforton. We went to " Speck's", it's a cute little place that gave us wonderful breakfast food. There isn't much to discuss since January just started but I'll bet that very soon the world will begin with a bang. 
I hope that you all enjoyed your holidays and now especially for us, it's the beginning of our cruise in January 20th. 

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A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem, the captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show:


"Look, it's not the same hat!"


"Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!"


"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?"


The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was the captain's parrot, after all.


One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.


After a week the parrot finally said: " Okey, I give up. What did you do with the boat?"
 
 
 

Three American men are sitting on a beach in the Caribbean sipping their rum and they get to talking...

Soon they happen to inquire about each other's backgrounds.

The first man says, "I used to own a matchstick factory back in California. But one day there was a fire and the entire factory was burned to the ground. I collected my insurance money and decided to retire here in the Caribbean." <br>
The second man say, "Oh, how odd! I used to own a jewellery store in Chicago. One night there was a break-in and I lost all my wares. So I collected my insurance and headed down here."

The third man looks at the two of them and says, "You won't believe it! I used to run a warehouse in Kansas. One day a tornado destroyed the entire business, so I collected my insurance and here I am!"

The first two men look at each other for a while. Finally one of them asks, " How did you
make a tornado? "
 
 
 

A man on vacation in the Caribbean decides to go horseback riding.

He visits a local farm that rents horses to ride around the countryside. The owner of the horse, a very religious man, explains to the visitor that in order to make the horse go, he’ll have to say “Thank God,” and to make the horse stop, he should say “Amen.”

During his ride around the village, the horse is stung by a bee. In pain and shock, the horse takes off running right toward a dangerous cliff.



“Amen!” the man shouts, hanging on to the horse for dear life. The horse stops just a few inches short of the cliff’s edge. The man catches his breath, looks over the cliff, and mutters out loud, " Thank God. "
 
 

In the shark infested waters of the Caribbean, two prawns, one called Justin and the other called Christian are discussing the pressures of being a preyed-upon prawn. “I hate being a prawn,” says Justin. “I wish I were a shark.”

Suddenly, a mysterious cod appears. “Your wish is granted,” he says. Instantly, Justin becomes a shark. Horrified, Christian swims away, afraid that his former friend might eat him. As time passes, Christian continues to avoid Justin, leaving the shrimp-turned-maneater lonely and frustrated. So when he bumps into the cod again, he begs the mysterious fish to change him back. Lo and behold, Justin is turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, he swims back to the reef to seek out his friend Christian. As he approaches, he shouts out, “It’s me, Justin, your old friend. Don't be scared, I've changed, I’ve found Cod. I'm a prawn again , Christian. Is that you Christian, Christian!!!"
 
 
 

In Jamaica, a slice of pie costs $3.50. In the Bahamas, a slice of pie costs $5.50.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean. Got it?
 

I whisked my wife off to the Caribbean last week.

Jamaica?

No, she went of her own accord.
 
 
   
A lady goes on vacation alone to the Caribbean wishing
her husband had been able to join her. Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate lovemaking she asks him, "What is your name?"
"I can't tell you!" the black man says.
Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is and he always responds the same, he cannot tell her. On her last night there she asks again, "Can you please tell me your name?"
"I can't because you will make fun of me!" the black man says.
"There is no reason for me to laugh at you," the lady says.
"Fine, my name is Snow" the black man replies. And the lady bursts into laughter, and the black man gets mad and says,
"I knew you would make fun of it" the black man says.
The lady replied,
"Its my husband that won't believe me when I tell him that I had 10 inches of Snow  everyday in the Caribbean.





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    " Have a wonderful day my friends. "


Cruisin Paul

 
 
 

Saturday, December 28, 2019

2020

I hope that all my good blogging friends enjoy New Year's Eve and prepare for a wonderful 2020. I pray that health and wealth will be present each and every day.

             ----------------------------------







 Cruisin Paul
 
 

Thursday, December 26, 2019

The Day After Christmas

Well me made it another year. Christmas is finished and now it's new Years time. From 2019 to 2020. I received a envelope from the town I live in Christmas Eve. It scared the hell out of me because it said I may have to pay $1500 to the town because of a work they are going to do in Pointe West. I talked with my neighbor Ron and thank God he knows more about this than I do and he informed me that it had nothing to do with me or my neighbors. He said that the most we have to pay is $150. I'm smiling now.

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A New Year's Wish

On News Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up the local pub 

and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of 

midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing 

next to the one person who made his life worth 

living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the 

clock struck - the bartender was almost crushed to 

death.



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A Bad Dream

Jemimena was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's  before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, " I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring. What do you think it all means? " Aha, you'll know tonight answered Max smiling broadly. At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached her  and handed her a small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a small book entitled " The meaning of Dreams."









 Senator McConnel in the USA in the Congress was 

once asked about his 

attitude toward whisky. "If you mean the demon 

drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, 

desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then

I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New 

Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable 

potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to 

comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This 

is my position, and I will not compromise." Sounds 

like him.












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  " Happy New Year's Eve My Friends "


Cruisin Paul

Saturday, December 21, 2019

Merry Christmas To All

Well my friends, this will be my last blog until after Christmas. So this is for you.

 



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           Peace and Love my Friends.


Cruisin Paul