Monday, June 18, 2018

Over 90 degrees Monday (Hot )

Good morning friends. Yesterday it was in the 90's and today they say it will be close to 100 degrees. My AC kept stopping throughout the day. Thank God it didn't go out period. Now today I'm worried. 
I had another golf lesson on Friday. I needed some help with my driver and the woods. Matt Brode, the PGA professional helped me before and I have improved with my irons so I thought he could help me with my woods. He also gave some exercises to assist me to loosen my body before I go golfing. I can't wait to go golfing.
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Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!" 



Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."  



During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable! Eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peaked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, chorused, "Happy Birthday!" 



 Brunette: "Where were you born?"
Blonde: "The United States."
Brunette: "Which part?"
Blonde: "My whole body."



                      ___________________
 Well that will be it for now. Stay cool my blogging friends. I will try.


                                  " SEE YA "

Cruisin Paul

       

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Bright Thursday Morning

What a beautiful morning here in Amherstburg, Ontario, CANADA, the country that has been attacked by the bully and his idiots. Can you believe that the president of the US is attacking Canada and Peter Navarro says ' there's a special place in hell ' for Justin Trudeau, the Prime Minister of Canada. I would have never thought that this would ever happen. I pray that hopefully things will change.
Today I'm going to show you the flowers and bushes that I have around my home, front and back. I hope that you'll enjoy it and I might even have a joke or two at the end.

I will begin with the front of my home.
 Sorry for leaving the garage door open.





I don't know the names of the many different flowers. I just know that I love them and that they are beautiful.

Next an area that I plan on change a few things. I'm going to split these flowers in two. I want the entire circle with these flowers.

Mary Lou went to get these flowers and planted them. They haven't filled up yet but they still look good. The tree hasn't filled with their flower yet. They will fill with purple flowers 

I want to show you the front of the home and the work that my wife does for our home. She does all the trimming since I'm not able to do it. Mary Lou is great.


Next is the side of the garage. We chose some flowers and last year they didn't show as much but this year, some of the flowers are out.

Here are the ones that are out.




To end the front I want to show you this.
 This is my large Blue Spruce.

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Now to the back of my yard. A few years ago I had a beautiful tree that gave us shade but it suddenly lost all of it's leaves. Unfortunately it died so I had the tree cut down but in it place is this.


My wife loves roses and so do I so we planted many different roses. Some have come out great while some just grew but they still look good. Here they are.





These three roses have just begun and I hope that in the future they will give us many blooms.

Next I have the flowers that we have on our deck. Today my wife & daughter are going to put on the gazebo if Nicole ever shows up. Ha,ha,ha.


The flowers and one little tree that I bought this year and during the winter I have to take the little tree inside the house.



And now my little tree with yellow flowers.

Well that's about it. Since I took more time that I thought, I won't put any jokes today. The next time. 

                                " SEE YA "


Cruisin Paul & Mary Lou
 

Saturday, June 9, 2018

Soft Rain Saturday

Good morning my wonderful friends. Yes, it's raining this morning and I really don't care.  I golfed two straight days and it was wonderful. The first day of golf, my back was stiff and it was difficult to swing so my hitting was off but my putting was great. The second day my back felt better and my swings were much better. Each day I was able to get some pars. I'm not a great golfer but the fact I'm with the guys makes me feel wonderful. These guys are good golfers and they make me feel like one of the guys. That's really what I really enjoy the most and really, with their help, I'm getting better. The 4 days of golf lessons made a difference. My irons have improved and my putting has always been great.
I received a phone care from my cousin Ton in the states and he informed us that his cancer has come back. He had had an operation a while back for cancer in the lungs ( Tony smoked a great deal but had stopped ) and they told him that he was cancer free. I guess that was wrong. I worried about Tony. This could be really serious. I hope he can get back from this one.
My friend Al who has Parkinsons went to see his doctors and he's getting worse. Oh my God, they say old age ( retirement ) is the best time of your life  to enjoy, well from my aspect, two friends are not enjoying it.
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One day three women went for a job interview. The man interviewing them posed all three the same question. What would you do if you found an extra €50 in on your paycheck that you shouldn’t have received? The first one said, “I’d give it back as it wasn’t mine and I wasn’t entitled to it.” When he asked the second one she replied, “I’d give it to Charity.” When he asked the third one, she was more honest and she said, “I’d keep it for myself and go out for a drink.” Which one of the three women got the job? The one with the biggest tits! 


What is a man's ultimate shame? When he runs into a wall with a hard-on and grabs his nose first!  


How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer. 


 What happens when you give a politician Viagra? He gets taller. 


Extra Effort Award

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 a.m.
I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.
As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort.
So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in "that area" to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond.
After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal... some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school when my six year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?"
I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."


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                            " SEE SEE "

Cruisin Paul

 

Friday, June 1, 2018

Hot, Hot, Hot Friday

Well good morning everyone. Our AC went on Tuesday and the guy won't be able to come an fix it on Monday. A week later. The problem is at this time we are having the hottest time. Mostly in the 90's and of course it has to have the most humidity. We are dying in our house, especially at night. We have many fans going but they really don't help. We are drinking tons of water and you'd think I'd be going to the bathroom but no, I just sweating the water out. It's amazing that I'd would never be having a cold shower but Oh how great. Oh well, I'll just wait until to Monday. Maybe 'll lose some weight. 

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A man is drinking in a bar when he notices a beautiful young lady. "Hello there and what is your name?" "Hello," giggles the woman, "I'm Stacey. What's yours?" "I'm Jim." "Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight?" “Sure!" replies Jim. "Let's go!" At Stacey’s house, Jim notices a picture of a man on Stacey's desk and asks, "Is this your brother?" "No, it isn't, Jim!" Stacey giggles. "Is it your husband?" Stacey giggles even more, "No, silly!" "Then, it must be your boyfriend!" Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim's ear. She says, "No, silly!" "Then, who is it?" Stacey replies, "That's me before my operation!" 


A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."

The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"

On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"  




While on a date a women goes to the bathroom

Man: Uh... wrong way that's the men's room

Woman: Oh my GOD! this is so embarrassing!

Man: It's not a big deal.

Woman: I guess not, but you know what they say, old habits die hard.

Man: ............... 



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I'll probably get some comments on this last one.
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                                  " SEE YA "

Cruisin Paul