Saturday, October 13, 2018

Cold, Cold Saturday

Good morning, oops sorry it's now 12:04. Good afternoon everyone. I was outside early this morning doing some work cleaning things preparing for winter. I wasn't able to do much work though. My side is still painful. I don't know how long this pain will take. My cousin who was a chiropractor before he had to retire, told me that this type of injury could take for a long time. I'm tired of this and will get better soon.


This is the pier for the many cruise ships in Oranjestad, Aruba. This is one of the ABC island. The other two are Bonaire and Curacao. I been to all three.

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                                                " OUCH "


Looking For A Dentist

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth.  "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair... try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."  The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth... try them. "The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid.  Where is your office?  I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."



The Dentist

A dentist starts talking to a girl at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands. The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist." The guy, surprised, says, "Yes .... How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replies. "You keep washing your hands." One thing leads to another and they make love. After it's over the girl says, "You must be a really good dentist." The guy, now with an inflated ego, says, "Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"
The girl replies...."I didn't feel a thing."



Dental Emergency

The dentist was called away from the dinner table to take an urgent phone call. It was Mr. Tuckerman, explaining that young Junior had gotten himself into quite a fix. "See, he was kissing his girlfriend, and when my wife and I came back from the movies we found them stuck together." "I'll come right over, Mr. Tuckerman," said the dentist calmly, "and don't worry about a thing. I have to unlock teenagers' braces all the time." Mr. Tuckerman whispered, "Yes, but from an IUD?"




Man and Wife at Dentist

A man and wife entered a dentist's office. The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." You're a brave woman said the dentist. Now, show me which tooth it is. The wife turns to her husband and says "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

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That's about it for today my friends.



                                            " SEE YA"


Cruisin Paul
 

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

90 dgrees in October Wednesday

Good late Wednesday morning to you all. I'm still in some pain but hopefully getting better. This day will give us 90's degrees and after the next 7 days will be in the low 50's and at night even in the 30's. Brrrrrrrrrr.
 This is one of better places to cruise to. I've been here 3 times.

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A old woman took a package to the post office to mail and was told it would cost $3.95 for fast delivery or $2.30 for slower service. “There is no hurry,” she told the clerk, “just so the package is delivered in my lifetime.” He glanced at her and said, “That will be $3.95, please.”


This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench in front of a large pond. On the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff. The wife turns to hubby and says, "I could really go for an ice cream cone." Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one." Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down." Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?" Wife says, "Get me a strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles." Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember. Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns. The wife asks him, "What took you so long, did you get lost?" The hubby replies, "No, and I got what you wanted." The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries! Wife says, "I knew you you should have written the order down." Hubby says, "What do you mean - every thing is there." To which the wife replies, "No, it's not... look, you forgot the pickles!"

 


An Elderly Couple

An elderly man and woman lived in the nursing home together. The elderly man liked the elderly woman very much. So one day, he asks if they could sit together outside at the benches. They sat there every day for about 3 weeks.Finally, the elderly man builds up enough nerve to ask the woman if she would hold his penis. "All you have to do is hold it, that's all." he said in his old crackling voice. The woman agrees to it. They sat at the benches every day for about 2 more weeks with her holding his penis every time. Finally, one day the elderly woman walks outside and he's not at the benches. She gets curious and goes to look for him. She finds him at another bench with another woman.She waits until she sees him later and asks him, "What does she have that I don't?" The elderly man smiles and says, "Parkinsons".




Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.
'Two years older than me.'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?'

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That's all for now. 


                                               " SEE YA "



Cruisin Paul


Saturday, October 6, 2018

Rainy, Dull Saturday






This port is Grenada, a place I've never been to but home to get there in the future.

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Concerned Husband

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things." "Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness". Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"



Finding a House

Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street. Stopping her, they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser and one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived. All she would say as she stroked the officers arm is, "Your Passionate" They drove awhile longer and asked again. Again the same response as she stroked his arm "Your Passionate". The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, "Look we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live." She replied, "I keep trying to tell you: Your Passin It!"





 Priceless Humor:
Lost Chapter In Genesis

Adam had been moping around all day in the Garden of Eden and God finally said, "Adam, what's up with all this moping?"
Adam told God that he was lonely. God said He could fix that, no problem.
In short order he could make a partner for Adam, and she would be called a "woman."
God told Adam that the woman would collect his food, cook it for him, and care for all his needs and wants. She would also agree with all his decisions and not question his authority as head of the family.
God also said that she would bear his offspring and and not bother him in the middle of the night if the kids woke up and started crying.
She would never nag him and would admit when she was wrong. She would also freely give him love and passion whenever he needed it.
Adam said, "Wow, that's a great partner! What is this woman-person going to cost me?"
And God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Adam thought for a minute, then asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
And the rest is history.



Priceless Humor: Hunting Flies

A woman entered her kitchen and found her boyfriend waving a fly swatter.
"What in heaven's name are you up to?" she asked.
"Killing flies," he said.
"Oh. Get any?"
"Yep, two males, three females," he answered.
"Oh come on! How do you tell them apart?"
"Two were on a beer can, three were on the phone."



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Well that's about it for today. The pain is now getting worse so I'm going to take the meds tht they gave me. Oh did I tell you that they are giving me morphine. 

 " Seeeeeee Yaaaaaaaa "



Cruisin Paul                                                          
 







Saturday, September 29, 2018

Sunny, Cool, Saturday

Good wonderful Saturday morning everyone. I went golfing yesterday and I enjoyed it but coming off the 16 th green an walking to the cart I fell hard on my left side. I was able to complete the match but this morning I'm very sore. It's hard breathing. When I fell I didn't hear a crack so I didn't break a rib or ribs but just very sore. As I said it is hard breathing. I'm trying not to sneeze. Oh well, I'll probably continue falling. Rick & Gerry were so scared I had to calm them down. LOL. I told Rick that that was my birthday fall because on Monday I turn to 69 years old. That got him laughing and me. 69, I made it.



This is the Cayman Island, Georgetown. Unfortunately they don't a pier and people have to be tendered from their ships. It's a pain but the only way if you want to go onto the island.



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Little Margaret was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Margaret, who created the universe?" When Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
“God Almighty!" shouted Margaret and the Nun said "Very good" and Margaret fell back asleep.
A while later the Nun asked Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"
But, Margaret didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, little Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
"Jesus Christ!" shouted Margaret and the Nun said, "Very Good" and Margaret fell back asleep.
Then the Nun asked Margaret a third question: "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" Again Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The Nun fainted.


Three nuns passed away and when they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter was there to greet them. St. Peter said to the nuns "Before you can enter you each have to answer one question correctly."

So, St. Peter goes to the first nun and asked "Who was the first man God had created".

The first nun looked at St. Peter and said "Oh, that's easy, Adam"..

The trumpets sounded, the gates open and St. Peter said "You may enter".

Then St. Peter goes to the second nun and asked "Who was the first woman God had created".

The second nun looks at St. Peter and said "Oh, that's easy, Eve".

The trumpets sounded, the gates open and St. Peter said "You may enter".

Then St. Peter goes to the third nun and asked "What were the first words Eve said to Adam".

The third woman starts thinking then looked at St. Peter and said "Oh, that's a hard one".

The trumpets sounded, the gates open and St. Peter said "You may enter"..



An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his career path, so they decided to do a small test.

They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren't at home.

The father told the mother, "If he takes the money, he will be a businessman; if he takes the Bible, he will be a priest; but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."

So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously, peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home.

He saw the note they had left, saying they'd be home later. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality, then he left for his room carrying all the three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said, "Damn! It's even worse than I ever imagined..."

"What do you mean?" his wife inquired.

"He's gonna be a politician." the father replied.




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Well that's about it for today my friends If any one of you are Catholic and are upset about this just remember that I'm Catholic and I can laugh being a Catholic.Boy can I laugh.

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                                   " SEE YA "


Cruisin Paul
 

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Very Wet Tuesday

Good morning friends. I has been raining since last evening and I totally water logged. My wife is at Nicole's home early this morning putting our grandchildren on their school bus. Nicole needed to be at her work, " Families First Funeral Home" Yes, my daughter works at a funeral home and she loves it. I wonder if I can get a deal when the time comes? LOL

This is St. Maarten, a wonderful port to visit. Unfortunately it was hit by a hurricane last year and it is just starting to get back to normal. Here is a couple amazing shots of this port.



This January I taking a 10 day cruise and St. Maarten will be one of the ports. I want to check out how they are doing after the hurricane.

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It's 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in. He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date. Bobby politely responds that they'll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it." Bobby is shocked. "Excuse me, sir?" "Oh yes, Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her." Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"


A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”



A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks. "It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.". "What?" asks the priest, "what happened?". "You gave birth to a child!". "But that's impossible!" says the priest. "I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "It's a miracle! Here's your baby." About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies, "I am your mother, the archbishop is your father."


An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol. “Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” the officer said. The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?” “He said you were speeding!” the old man yelled. The patrolman then asked, “May I see your license?” The woman turned to her husband again, “What did he say?” The old man yelled back, “He wants to see your license!” The woman then gave the officer her license. “I see you are from Arkansas,” the patrolman said. “I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.” The woman turned to her husband again and asked, “What did he say?” The old man replied, “He said he knows you!

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Well that's about it for today. Enjoy your day. 


                                                 " SEE YA "
                                             ------------------



Cruisin Paul


Thursday, September 20, 2018

Rainy Day Thursday

Good morning friends. I woke up this morning to rain and more rain. Here is your photo morning on a cruise.


We have arrived on Willemstad, Curacao, one of the ABC islands. If you live in Curacao, your homes will look like.


We have been in Curacao twice and hopefully we will be on this island again.

I've been watching John Heald's blog and he's been showing many videos while he was on the Carnival Vista. I have been on the Vista and it was a wonderful ship. 


This was when we were on Grand Turk another island that I enjoyed a great deal ( we have been here 5 times ).
Now John will be on Vista's sister ship called the Horizon. 

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There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's the matter?" The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend." The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey. The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?" The man says, "I found out that my son is gay." The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey. Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?" The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does."



A lady walks into a bar and sees a really cute guy sitting at the counter. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. "Magic Beer", he says She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after that there is no one else worth talking to,goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,"That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?" "Yes, I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window,flies around the building 3 times and comes back in the window. The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again." He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window. She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having." She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies. The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, you're a real asshole when you're drunk, Superman!"



Guy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs. Guy: Do they swell? Girl: No. They spread.

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"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man. "Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend. "I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."



I'm just sitting here on the toilet

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."
With that, the bartender  looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"






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Well, that's about it for the day. I hope that you all have a wonderful Thursday. 


                                                " SEE YA " 

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Cruisin Paul