Monday, October 31, 2016

Important Tuesday

My new blogging friend, Annie of " A Nice Place In The Sun " has been doing her " Tuesday Question" for a very long time. My blogging friend Sandee of " Comedy Plus " posed a question on her blog last week and I answered it on Annie's blog and I was lucky enough to have been chosen to place my question on my blog today for you to answer.

Cruisin Paul's Question
I was arranging our 11th cruise for 2017 and it appeared that 3 out of the 4 ports that we had been there many times before. My wife Mary Lou asked me a question. " Why do we always go on a cruise to the same ports since we had been there before "?

My question to you is, does it really matter regarding the ports after cruising most of them OR is just the fact of cruising the blue waters of the Caribbean on a cruising ship? I know what my answer would be. 



Saturday, October 29, 2016

Halloween Is Arriving Soon.

Well, well, well, it's Saturday and Halloween will be here soon. Those little monsters & goblins will be appearing at your doors yelling, " Trick or Treat " You know, if you really think about that phrase, could be very dangerous. What would happen if you at your door say no treat but want a trick. I would worry about that. I always have a great deal of treats for them.
I have a surprise for you on Tuesday. There will be a section called " Tuesday's Question " My new blogging friend, Ann Clemmons of " A Nice Place In The Sun " ask people to answer people their  feelings on a special individual. I answered the question of my blogging friend Sandee and my answer was chosen by Ann and she in turn asked me to write Tuesday's Question so Tuesday's Question will be Mine. Look into Tuesday's Question by me, Cruisin Paul. I'm so proud to have chosen. Thanks Ann.



One dark night, two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
“Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing, working here so late at night?”
“Those fools!” – the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name on my gravestone! "

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.
He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter) and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, “What the heck is going on here?”
The drunk, still staring down replied: “I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost.”

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had had. He said, “Oh the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”
Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”
He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I’ll tell you… The guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!”


A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... behind him.
Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him ... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him ... faster... faster... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP.
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping ... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... on the heals of the terrified man.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him. The man screams and reaches for something, anything ... but all he can find is a box of cough drops! Desperate, he throws the coughdrops at the coffin ...
... and of course ...
... the coffin stops!

The Cab Driver

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!" The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party." 


Beethoven's Grave

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward.
Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.
"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's just decomposing!"


Well its for today. Enjoy your Halloween and don't forget to check my blog on Tuesday.

                                                                             " SEE YA "


Sunday, October 23, 2016

Very Cool Sunday

Good morning, good morning, good morning everyone. I may make a few mistakes this morning because I haven't had my coffee yet. This week I eventually saw my doctor and after I found that I do have high blood pressure. So, I'm now taking my medication each morning and have to monitor my blood pressure each morning and afternoon. Oh  well, that's life. I had my flu shot on Friday while I was at the doctor and yesterday my neck was very sore. Today it's not as sore. My wife said that it was because of the flu shot. Mary Lou doesn't believe in taking the flu shot. I don't know if it really works but I know while I was teaching and now after 12 years being retired, can you believe it 12 years, I've never had the flu so I will always be taking it. Do you take the flu shot? 



Elderly Couple

An elderly couple, living apart, had been dating for several years. One day Elmer said to Betsy, "We should stop this nonsense. We are paying two rents, two car insurance payments, buying separate food and cooking separate meals. We should just move in together." Betsy: "Whose house would we live in?" Elmer: "Mine, it is already paid for." Betsy: "Whose car would we keep and pay insurance on?" Elmer: Yours, it is newer and runs better than mine." Betsy: "Who would do the cooking?" Elmer: "You cook and I'll do the dishes." Betsy: "What about sex?" Elmer: "Infrequently." Betsy: "Is that one word, or two?"

Irish Viagra

An old rish woman visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido. "What about trying Viagra," asked the doctor. "Not a chance," she said, "He won't even take an aspirin." "Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra." "What is Irish Viagra?" she asked. "It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and let's talk in a week." A week later the doctor called the woman to check on the results. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!" "Oh my, really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arms, he sent me biscuits, gravy, cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?" "Freakin' jaysus, it was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face at Tim Horton's again."

Keep the Motor Running

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow. "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?" He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?" He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running." The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "You must be quite a man." He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil, this one's black!"

The Miracle Show

An old couple were sitting in their living room on a Sunday morning watching a religious program. The preacher on this show would go to all the people in the audience and asking them what they wanted fixed, then he would have them cover the part of their body they wanted fixed. Many of the people were elderly so they were covering their eyes and hearts. Then the preacher said "Ok now for you at home put your hand on the part of your body you want fixed and say this prayer with me. "So the little old lady put her hand on her heart, because she had a very bad heart. And the little old man put his hands on his crotch. The little old lady turned to her husband and said "He said he could heal the sick, not raise the dead!"



I love these older jokes because I think I've reached the age it could be me. Ha,ha,ha. Have a great Sunday everyone and have an Irish Coffee. 

                                                                     " SEE YA "


Sunday, October 16, 2016

Happy Sunday

Hi there everyone or whomever is watching this blog. It been a boring week. Gerry came to see me and wanted to know if I would like to go to play some golf, only 9 holes. I said thank you but said no. Yes I said no to play golf. The reason is that I hadn't swung a club for almost 2 months and to play only 9 holes, I might get injured because swinging if you haven't been doing it constantly might hurt you. Other then that, that's about it. I've had to check my blood pressure each day a couple of times. My doctor wants me to keep checking until I go see him which will be next Friday. He thinks I have problem with my blood pressure. So do I after I've been keeping a close look at it and I'm also worried about it. You know friends, after my birthday and I turned 67 I haven't been feeling so good lately. Oh well, I'll just keep it up as long as I can. Ha,ha,ha.


Babysitting Logic

One evening a grandmother was babysitting her two granddaughters Anne and Betty. Presently, 8:00 PM rolled around.
"Okay, time for bed," she informed the two children who were playing in the den.
"Why?" Anne asked (aged 6). "It's so early!"
"Your father said your bedtime is 8:00," the grandmother said.
"You don't have to listen to him," the Betty (aged 4½) replied.
"Why not?" the grandmother asked.
Betty answered, "Because you're his mother!"

MY 71-YEAR-OLD grandmother began to date someone after she had been a widow for 13 years. On the phone one evening, she talked excitedly about her new beau. He had brought her some muffins he had made, and he had cooked lunch for her one day. Then Grandma was silent for a moment. "Gee," she said thoughtfully, "I'm beginning to wonder if we're having a romance or a bake-off!"


Thats about it for now. My grandson Cole is here and he wants to play chess with me. Probably he wants to beat me. Have a great Sunday everyone.

                                                                           " SEE YA "

Monday, October 10, 2016

Good morning, good morning everyone. Happy Thanksgiving to you all. My family had our thanksgiving dinner yesterday. This gives them an opportunity to spend some time today and me time to rest by myself. We spend time watching football, enjoying dinner and of course dessert which for me was pumpkin pie. Later we watched Heartland Cole & I playing chess,( that little character is really getting better, better. He almost beat me and he just started  chess ) and of course I watched the presidential debate. Wow was waste of time. Who is this guy called Trump? Is he truly and American individual? 
Today I'm going to show you my  two wonderful grandchildren , Emily & Cole. 
Emily is into Equestrian  riding and last week she went into an  Equestrian Event and won it.
                                         Doesn't she look so wonderful and pro looking.

    These are the ribbons that Emily won. She won First , Second and Champion. Way to go Emily.

                                                     Emily also won Rider of the year

              We are so very proud of this young lady and of what she has done in her life.

 Now lets look what Cole has been doing. As I said he & I have been enjoying with the game of chess

         As of now he thinks he's got me. I think the look at his face is telling, " Grandpa, I got you ".

  Here are few other photos of Cole and what he does in his life. I'm so proud of what Cole can. When I was at his age I was maybe able to just ride a bike. He does more then that.


And of course he wanted to show me he can also ride a bike like I use to but his bike looks nothing like the bike I use to ride when I was his age.

                       I wish I could have had a bike like that.Vroop, zoom, zoom.

            The last photo I want to show is of all of us at my birthday. Yes, grandpa was getting old.

                         As you can see, I'm very proud  and I love them a great deal.



Little Johnny walks a cow through the village square. The mayor sees him and asks, “Hey Johnny, where are you going with the cow?”
“I’m taking her to the bulls so she would get pregnant,” answers Johnny.
The mayor is shocked, “Surely your father had better be doing that?”
Little Johnny thinks about it for a bit and shakes his head, “Nah, I think it’s really best left with the bulls.”
Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday. But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasn’t a sign of it in the bathroom. Little Johnny asked his Grandma, “Granny, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?”
“Darling, I really didn’t like it. After all those years, I’ve gotten used to the toilet paper, and this new thing was just far too scratchy.”
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

Little Johnny comes home from sunday school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?" "But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!" "Johnny," the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women." Sure enough, the very next sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!" "But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!"

That's about it for now. I know I have put in a great deal of material, but I owe you  material since I've been lazy lately. Please forgive me. I'll try to be better in the future. 
                                                                    "    SEE YA   "