Friday, July 30, 2021

Finally, I'm writing my blog. It's been crazy around here. I'm not going to explain about it other then it's about the house and lot. Oop's, I told my wife I wasn't going to even mention about the house.

I took my Camero out with my friend Ron to where many men & women took their special cars out so other people can see their cars. Wow, it was amazing. People even loved my Camero.

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My ex-wife passed away so I went to the cemetery to honor her. I brought a 20 year old bottle of fine scotch and poured it over her grave

 But first I filtered it through my kidneys.
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This girl ran up to me at the cemetery and said "I need to pass through the cemetery but I'm scared to walk alone. Can you walk with me across?"

I said "Oh yeah of course. Don't worry, I used to be super scared of cemeteries when  I was alive too . "
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Has anyone heard about the cemetery for alcoholics?

It'a haunter by spirits. 
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Unfortunately my dad lost his job at the cemetery yesterday

He buried someone in the wrong hole.

It was a grave mistake.
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Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.

Mick says," Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"

Paddy says, "What's his name?"

Mick replies, " Miles, from London. "
 

 
 

 
 
Cruisin Paul

 

Sunday, July 25, 2021

Good Sunday morning everyone. After a wild storm last night, the sun is out and we are going to have a great day. Soon, very soon hopefully my electrical problem in this new home will be finished and ready to go. 

One thing about this new home and all the problems, we have wonderful neighbors and friends. 

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                   Want to go fishing?


There is a beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Macedonian men and 1 Macedonian woman. One month later on this beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere... The first Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman. The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a trois". The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman. The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman. The Macedonian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the Macedonian woman and started swimming.

 


 


 A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all stuck on a deserted island together. The island is 20 miles from the nearest inhabited island so they all decide to try to swim there. The redhead makes it 10 miles, is exhausted, gives up, and drowns. The brunette makes it 15 miles before she's too tired to go any farther and drowns. The blonde gets 19 miles away from the deserted island, decides she's too tired to go any farther, and swims all the way back to the deserted island.


 

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Cruisin Paul




Monday, July 19, 2021

Good morning friends.I've just spent two days watching the Open golf in England. What great golf there was. 

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A Quickie...

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order:

"What would you like, sir?"

He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.

After she regains her composure she returns and asks again,

"What would you like, sir?"

Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers,

"A quickie, please."

This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him

across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.

A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers,

"Um, I think it's pronounced  " Quiche ".
 

 

"I'm groping the balls of the storm."

The manager hesitated for a moment on the phone. "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?" he asked the newly hired immigrant worker.

"I...rub the storm...balls?" the man said, coughing.

Before he could ask again, the manager heard a little commotion on the line, followed by a younger voice. <br>
"I'm so sorry, my father has been learning English. He won't be making it into work today because he's feeling sick."

"Oh! That's perfectly fine, but...what was the part about rubbing...storm balls...?"

The kid laughed. "We were working on popular English idioms this week. He was trying to say he's feeling under the weather."
 

 

 

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her: "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.

She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.

The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Walmart parking lot, now you can follow me over to Target."
 

 

A angry woman storms into the doctors office

dragging her nine-year-old son behind her. She goes up to the doctor and asks, "Can a nine year old legally perform an appendectomy?"

"No..." the doctor replies, frowning.

The mother turns angrily to her son. "See, what did I tell you?" She says,
" Now put it back! "
 

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Cruisin Paul


 

Wednesday, July 14, 2021

Good morning friends. I'm smiling today because yesterday my beautiful wife & I had our 47th wedding anniversary. Yes, she has stuck with me for so many years. I love her so much. 

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You know the scene, balding dude in a convertible with a hot chick.

She peels off her top and says "Faster you go, the more i take off!"

She's down to her socks and he's doing 120 mph when they crash. Dazed and confused she finds the driver pinned in the car and goes for help, but all she can find to cover her bits is his shoe.

Stumbling out into the highway she manages to pull someone over "Help, my friend is stuck!" She screams. The guy looks down at the shoe and says 
 
 " Ma'am, he's too far in for me to help."
 


 

What do you call lice that lives in a bald man’s head?

Homeless
 
 
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A kid once asked his mother why his father was bald.

His mother replied, “Well, that’s cause your Dad thinks a lot!”

She smiled, pleased with the answer she had come up with.

The kid pondered this for a moment, then inquired, “Then why do you have so many hairs on your head?”
 
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What does a balding magician have in his hat?

Hare.
 
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What do you call a bald man on a windy day?

Fortunate.
 
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Why are all the dead sinners bald?

Because they have hell toupee.
 
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Bald man

Bald man marries a bald women
When they had a son, they named him Harry
 
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 Cruisin Paul
                            Cozumel, Mexico
 

Saturday, July 10, 2021

Rain, Rain Go Away

Well, well, hi there everyone. We had a big pile of dirt was dumped right in front of our home. For three days wasn't used and then we had a big storm with a lot of water. Guess what? We ended up having a lake in front of us. The dirt blocked the water from going into the sewer. Jerks all around. Oh well, that's my life.

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My boss said to me, “You’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?”

I said, “I’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”
 
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An Arab Sheikh sends his son to France for his studies. A year later the son comes back but the Sheikh realizes that something is bothering his son. After some questioning, the son tells his father that he goes to college in his Porsche but the other students come by train. It's not right.

The Sheikh feels terrible, hugs his son and says, 'Don't worry son... I'll buy you a train today!'
 
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A general, an officer, an old lady, and an attractive young woman all board a train together.

As they ride along they go in a dark tunnel and can't see anything. Suddenly, they hear a quick smooch followed by a loud smack!

The old lady thinks, "that young girl has some fine morals, smacking a man for trying to steal a kiss."

The young woman thinks, "how odd, the general tried to kiss the old lady instead of me."

The general thinks, "that officer is smart, he steals a kiss, and I get slapped."

The officer thinks, "I'M A GENIUS! I kiss the back of my hand, and get to hit a 4 star general!!!"
 

 
 


I received a compliment today as I boarded the train.

The conductor said “first class rear, standard front”.
 
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I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set that I threw the bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.
    
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 Cruisin Paul

 

Monday, July 5, 2021


Good morning everyone. I hope that you all have enjoyed " Canada Day " & the " 4th of July" . Nothing is moving in my lot or the electrical problem. They're all just sitting on their asses. Oh well, that's life.

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Cruisin Paul