Saturday, January 30, 2021

Good, good morning everyone. Yes, it is a very good morning. Thanks to a new blogger friend, Mike who understands more about this blogging thingy, helped me changing something in my blog that now allows my friends and easy way to get into my blog. Happy days. Thanks Mike.

This weekend we are to have much more SNOW. Yes, I want this snow, I want to see this snow and I plan to get outside in this snow. I've been stuck inside of this house and I want some freedom.


Late in the night he regained consciousness. He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident. She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down." Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?" That, my friends, is a positive attitude!

Doctor: "You look exhausted." Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."


Q: What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket? A: "Some asshole has my pen!"


The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby." The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents." "No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking." The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?" The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."





Cruisin Paul

                          Cayman Islands

Wednesday, January 27, 2021

Wednesday Cold & Snowy

I'm noticing that I'm losing bloggers. Is it me? Is the type of blog I'm doing is just not interesting? I've been thinking about my blog and is it good enough for people? I have 3 or 4 of my blogger friends who are always reading my blog. Thank you for you constantly reading my blog. Every once in a while I question, maybe I should just quit. I'm 71 years old. Maybe it's time to say bye, bye yet I enjoy doing my blog. I enjoy having my friends, Steveo, Peg, Mimi, Nancy and Trippin Tim. I take deep breath and say to myself, I'll continue. I wonder if all bloggers feel this once in awhile? Let me know.


The blonde was heading out to the grocery store...

...when her roommate said, "Hey, buy a quart of orange juice. And if they have eggs, get a dozen."

Half an hour later the blonde came in the door carrying four cartons of juice. "There's eight more in the car," she said.

"Why in the world did you buy 12 quarts??" asked her roommate.
"They had eggs."


They said a mask was enough to go to the grocery store.

They lied. Everyone else had clothes on

A husband and wife were grocery shopping

A husband and wife were grocery shopping. The husband picks up a case of beer and puts it in the cart.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife
"They're on sale, only 10 bucks for 24 cans"
"Put them back, we can't afford them" the wife responded.

Later on, she puts a $20 jar of face cream in the cart.
"What are you doing?" asked the husband.
"It's my face cream, it makes me look beautiful" she responded.
"Yea, so does the 24 cans of beer and it's half the price!"

We haven't heard from the husband since. RIP


A man was at the grocery store

when he suddenly notices an attractive woman waving at him.

She smiles and says hello.

The man is puzzled and can't recall where he knows her from.

He says, "Do you know me?"

The woman replies, "You’re the father of one of my kids."

The man's mind is racing and he goes back to the only time he was unfaithful to his wife.

He says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with a wet cucumber?"

She pauses and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s elementary teacher."



Cruisin Paul


Saturday, January 23, 2021

Sunny Saturday Before Heavy Snow.

It's so nice seeing the sun this morning. One thing that is amazing is the fact that we haven't had a great deal of snow this year. I put my Camero in my garage when we had the first snow but since that we've had nothing. Now they say that on Monday we are suppose to have 5 inches of snow. We'll see.


           Good morning everyone.

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"

The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made ..."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"

The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his!"



A police recruit was asked during the exam, " What would you do if you had to arrest your on mother?"

He said , " Call for backup. "


Mother to daughter: "What kind of person is your new boyfriend? Is he respectable?"

"Of course he is, Mom. He's thrifty, doesn't drink or smoke, has a very nice wife and three well-behaved children."


The child comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, " What did you learn today?"

The kid replies, " I guess, not enough because I have to go back tomorrow."

Little Johny asked her mummy: "Mum are little birds made of metal?"

Mummy: "Of course not darling, why do you ask?"

"'I heard daddy saying he'd like to screw the arse of the bird next door!"




Cruisin Paul


Saturday, January 16, 2021

Saturday Morning

Well Guess what? It's Saturday. I had a weird week. Wednesday night my nose started to bleed and I couldn't stop it. The ambulance was called, they took me to the hospital and it was crazy. I was there for 7 hours. The doctor checked me for 5 minutes after 3 hours. They didn't have enough people working so I was alone for hours. When the doctor finally came back for hours, he asked if I had had my blood checked. I said no body came. OK, it doesn't matter . I doesn't matter, you told me they were going to check my blood. He than shoved this thing up my nose so far the pain was unbelievable. Finally I could go home. It was 4:00am. I had to go back on Friday to have that thing out of my nose. That took another 6 hours. I know the hospitals have problems with Covid but I had to wait until to take the out and I could have pulled it out myself. Confusion reigns in hospitals today.


"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!" "Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!" "Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old. "No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all." "Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old. "No, I crap every morning at 6:30." With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so tough about being 80?" "I don't wake up until 7:00!"


    An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather tentatively. "I would like it infrequently ", she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"


When is a retiree's bedtime? Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.




Cruisin Paul

Tuesday, January 12, 2021

Hi there everyone. I guess I'm sort of happy this afternoon. Not sure yet but we'll see. I guess you think I'm crazy. We've been having a problem with our electrical system in our new home and these people who built the darn place aren't really helping us. They always have some form of an excuse. Without me having a heart attack, my wife is dealing with it. She doesn't want to get involved at all. Soooooooooo, I won't



On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Susan went straight to her grandparents’ house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, he had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”

Horrified, Susan told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

“Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding, and out on the Dong.”

She paused, wiped away a tear, and then continued, “and if that damned ice cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today!”


 A woman and a baby waited in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for him to come in.

The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and commented the baby wasn’t gaining enough weight. He then asked if the baby was breastfed or bottle-fed.

“Breastfed,” the woman replied.

“Well, strip down to your waist,” the doctor ordered. She did.

He pressed, kneaded, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, “No wonder this baby is hungry. You don’t have any milk.”

“I know,” she said, “I’m his Grandma … but I’m glad I came.”




Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on the television.

The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.

Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set, and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.

Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set, and his left hand on his crotch.

Grandma scowled at him and said, “I guess you just don’t get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead.”



That's me, a grandparent.

Cruisin Paul

Saturday, January 9, 2021

Well my friends, this morning is a new day. The sun is out, it's warmer the yesterday, 30 degrees from 29 degrees. LOL Watching the TV still bothers me but things will get better. It has to. So, lets get laughing.


My grandfather was riding a horse yesterday and it's leg broke/ So he decided to shoot it.

Everyone else on the Carousel started freaking out though.


My grandpa says I'm too reliant on technology.

 I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Little Johnny's grandfather comes home from a doctor's appointment.

As he enters the house, he sees a bucket in the middle of the floor. He says to Little Johnny. "Johnny, why is there is a bucket on the floor?"

Little Johnny says, "Just kick off to the side, grandpa." and Grandpa does.

"Yay, we're going to Disneyland" Little Johnny exclaims.

"What? Why?" grandpa asks.

So Little Johnny says, "Last night I heard Dad say to Mom, 'We're going to Disneyland only when that old man kicks the bucket'".




Cruisin Paul