Hi there everyone. I guess I'm sort of happy this afternoon. Not sure yet but we'll see. I guess you think I'm crazy. We've been having a problem with our electrical system in our new home and these people who built the darn place aren't really helping us. They always have some form of an excuse. Without me having a heart attack, my wife is dealing with it. She doesn't want to get involved at all. Soooooooooo, I won't
SUNDAY MORNING SEX
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Susan went straight to her grandparents’ house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, he had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”
Horrified, Susan told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
“Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding, and out on the Dong.”
She paused, wiped away a tear, and then continued, “and if that damned ice cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today!”
A woman and a baby waited in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for him to come in.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and commented the baby wasn’t gaining enough weight. He then asked if the baby was breastfed or bottle-fed.
“Breastfed,” the woman replied.
“Well, strip down to your waist,” the doctor ordered. She did.
He pressed, kneaded, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, “No wonder this baby is hungry. You don’t have any milk.”
“I know,” she said, “I’m his Grandma … but I’m glad I came.”
RAISING THE DEAD
Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on the television.
The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.
Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set, and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.
Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set, and his left hand on his crotch.
Grandma scowled at him and said, “I guess you just don’t get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead.”
That's me, a grandparent.