Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Wet Tuesday ( Again )

Good morning with a wet morning, again. Yes it rain during the night and guess what? It's still raining. I think I'd better make an ark.

Last night was an enjoyable evening with Al & Meilin. We found out why they couldn't visit us on Friday. They had to dogsit Duke for their neighbors would had to leave to Toronto. Today I have to visit my lovely doctor. Just a visit nothing bad. I had hoped to have lunch at the Navy Yard by the river must I doubt it now that it's raining again, and again, and again. I'm glad I'm not sugar.



Now that we've had so much rain, I've enjoyed having beautiful flowers so I've decided to show you some of the each day. If you don't like to look at flowers, just pass on to the Comedy Corner. But first I'd like to show you my home where these flowers are at. First the front and second the back.
Now the flowers.
Tomorrow with some more flowers that I'm really enjoying this year.

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal." The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer." 

 A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring. As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day."



Past Cruise Photos

On an excursion ship going out of the harbor.You'll see the Carnival ship to the left that I was on.

 This is St. Kitt 10 years ago when it was just beginning. My next cruise I will be going back to St. Kitt to see the changes that have occurred. I can't wait.


That will be it for the day. I hope you enjoy my flowers. 


Monday, June 29, 2015

Happy, Exciting Monday

Gooooooood morning ya'll. The sun is out but the clouds are hiding it. It's nice outside this morning. My wife just went for a small walk around Pointe West this morning while I wrote my blog. This morning I'm going to the golf store to pick up a couple of golf gloves and a Callaway cap. I hope Brian calls me soon. I'm excited for my second time out. Later after dinner the three of us will be going over Al's place. We'll probably play some pool. I hope that I won't fall this time. Maybe I'll attached myself to the pool table just to make sure. Ha,ha,ha. I'll be OK.



I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Arctic Hooker

Q: What is a hooker in Alaska called? A: A frostitute.

Programming is like sex:

One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom while getting a rise.
- Whether or not sex is better than pot, depends on the pusher. 

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor goes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor goes to the middle aged couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the pastor.
The pastor then goes to the newlywed couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?" "Well Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied. "What happened?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.
"That's OK," said the young man, "We're not welcome at WalMart anymore either." 




Past Cruise Photos

                                           We are approaching the pier to Costa Rica

                                                           The city of Colon, Panama.


Once again I've finally  completed my blog for the day. I hope that you enjoy what I've put it. I'm sorry if the sex jokes bother you but I'm a red blooded man. That is what they said when then took out 6 tubes of my blood the last time I went to see my doctor. 
Have an exciting Monday my friends.

                                                                             SEE YA.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Dry, Sunny Sunday Morning

Good morning all. The rain that was here has now past the area and the sun is out this morning. Thank goodness because we had quite a great deal of rain in two days. I wonder where the birds and squirrels go when bad weather takes place? It's going to be a quiet Sunday. All that I have lined up for the day is watching golf and cooking dinner of course. Yesterday Al called to inform me that he and Meilin wouldn't be able to come and see. We've arranged to see each other Monday night. 



A doctor was having an affair with his nurse who became pregnant. Not wanting his wife to find out, he gave the nurse a large sum of money and instructed her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.
"Just send me a postcard," he replied, "and write spaghetti on the back. I'll take care of all the expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months later, the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Honey, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."
The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I'll explain it to you."
Later that evening the doctor came home and, after reading the postcard, dropped to the floor clutching his chest. Paramedics rushed him to the emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest, and the doctor's wife picked up the card and read: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti -- two with sausage and meatballs; two without."

An elderly woman walks into a plastic surgeon's office and tells him she wants a facelift. He says "Well, we have three options. The first is for $1000 and is guaranteed for one year, the second is $3000 and is guaranteed for 3 years and the last is $5000 and it is guaranteed for 5 years."
The old lady says "Well tell me about the various procedures."
The doctor says, "For $1000 I can take a few years off and smooth out your wrinkles, but you'll need to have the procedure repeated year."
"Forget that one," she says. "What about the other options?"
"For $3000," the surgeon explains, "I can do a much better job. I can take twenty years off your face, but you'll still need a touch up every three years or so."
"No, that's no good either," the woman complains. "What about the last option?"
"For $5000," the doctor replies, "you are going to get the best facelift modern medicine has to offer, with a feature that is on the cutting edge of plastic surgery technology. I'll attach a screw to the back of your head and if you notice your face sagging, you can come back in and I'll tighten the screw."
The old lady is delighted and has the surgery, but about 6 months later she returns to the office very upset. "Doctor, I want my money back!" she cries. "I look horrible! Look at these bags under my eyes!"
The doctor leans back in his chair and says, "Lady, you aren't getting anything back. Those bags under your eyes are your breasts and if you keep messing with that screw, you're going to end up having a mustache."

Doctor Visit

One day a woman went to her doctor for her physical. After all of the routine checks and ‘female’ exam, she was given great results.
Very happy and excited, she went home to meet her husband. “How did it go?” he asked.
“Wonderful,” she said, “the doctor said I have a tight package.”
“Did he say anything about your BIG ASS?”
“Nope, he didn’t mention YOUR name the whole time I was there!!”




Past Cruise Photos

                            Leaving the Port of Miami on my cruise on the Carnival Valor.

   A photo of the open seas. If you are frightened of water, don't take a cruise. There is no land for some time, just the ship.


That's it for today my friends. I've enjoyed writing my blog once again. I remember when I began my blog, I wasn't sure who would ever read it but I do know that I enjoyed writing it. Enjoy your Sunday my friends. 

                                                                            SEE YA.

Saturday, June 27, 2015

A Totally Wet Rainy Saturday

I'm sorry that I wasn't there yesterday. I went and played 18 holes of golf and I did wonders. Pointe West has five par 3's and I had three bogeys and two pars for the first time out. I was hitting the ball very well and my putting, well all I can say was that it hot. I can't wait until my next time out.
Unfortunately or others might say fortunately, it rained all night long and is still raining at this moment. The weatherman has stated that it will rain throughout the day and until  Sunday morning. Squish, squish. Tonight Al & Meilin are coming over tonight. I haven't played since Monday when I fell at Al's and hit my head on his floor. I must have a very hard head. I guess I didn't loose any of my marbles. What did I just say?



A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"  

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
'Are you the owner?' The pharmacist answers yes.
Says Jacob: 'We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course we do.'
Jacob: 'How about medicine for circulation?'
Pharmacist: 'All kinds.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? '
Pharmacist: 'Definitely.'
Jacob: 'How about Viagra?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?'
Pharmacist: 'Yes, a large variety. The works.'
Jacob: 'What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?'
Pharmacist: 'Absolutely.'
Jacob: 'You sell wheelchairs and walkers?'
Pharmacist: 'All speeds and sizes.'
Jacob says to the pharmacist: 'We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.'  

The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said. "That was when mommy came to work for us?"  



Past Cruise Photos


   As you lay there in the sun near the pool on the Lido deck, you suddenly aware of you on the screen. That's not me. I tried to make sure that I was behind the camera.

     Gee, they forgot me when the left to go to the Piano Bar. I wanted to sing & dance the night away. Oh well, I'll just go to sleep I guess.


Well I done for the day and it's still raining. I guess I'm jusr going to have to enjoy the day by watching golf. 
Have a  great sunny day friends.



This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself,
when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.

Man: "What was that for?"
Wife: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?"

Man: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races?, Marylou was the name of one of the horse I bet on."

The Wife looked all satisfied and goes off to work around the house.

Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.

Man: "What the hell was that for this time?"
Wife: "Your horse called - See more at: http://itshumour.blogspot.com/2011/07/funny-marriage-jokes.html#sthash.hJoq7KR5.dpuf