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The old man and the hunter
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.
Sperm Count
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part
of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take
this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar,
which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained "Well, doc, it's like this... first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then her mouth, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the damn jar open."
They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon,
when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard.
They searched for days and couldn't find him, so the Captain
sent the old woman back to shore, with the promise that he
would notify her as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally, the old woman got a fax from
the boat. It read: Ma'am, sorry to inform you that we found your
husband dead, at the bottom of the ocean.
We hauled him up to the deck, and attached to his butt was an oyster,
and inside it was a pearl worth $50,000....please advise.
The old woman faxed back: Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained "Well, doc, it's like this... first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then her mouth, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the damn jar open."
The Cruise
An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy.They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon,
when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard.
They searched for days and couldn't find him, so the Captain
sent the old woman back to shore, with the promise that he
would notify her as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally, the old woman got a fax from
the boat. It read: Ma'am, sorry to inform you that we found your
husband dead, at the bottom of the ocean.
We hauled him up to the deck, and attached to his butt was an oyster,
and inside it was a pearl worth $50,000....please advise.
The old woman faxed back: Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.
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Past Cruise Photos
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Finally finished. Well, all I can say is, have a great Sunday friends and as I always say...............
SEE YA.
Ohmygod, that jar story cracked me up! Especially since just a few days ago I wrote about getting so week I need to buy a jar opener. I also love the first thing you posted about giving up/growing up. How true is that!
ReplyDeleteCongrats for losing a pound your cutting down is working
ReplyDeleteLOl @ the sperm count joke
Lovely photos of Cozumal :-)
Enjoy the Navy Yard and thanks for breezing by :-)
Bwahahahahahahaha on the jokes. I linked you to Silly Sunday as always.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day my friend. :)
Hi Paul, happy Sunday to you too! The one about swallowing our pride and growing up is a good one. The joke about the jar got me laughing. Great photos of Mexico, its a beautiful place. Thanking God for every morning!
ReplyDeleteI just got a fitbit, which will help me to get to my goals. Congrats on walking it off and thanks for the laughs - especially the bikini one.
ReplyDeletePhil, Happy Sunday to yourself as well! :) The friendship poem and your personal photos are my favourites today! :)
ReplyDeleteAt 80, there are still some men out there who can shoot the bear, and want to. Guess they think they will live forever.
ReplyDeleteFun and funny stuff!