Good morning everyone. You know the way things are going, life is so screwed up. It's hard to believe that people will do the work they are suppose to do. At the last minute they call and say oops, we can't be here. Maybe Friday. What are you suppose to say? You can get angry but why? I've never seen so many crazy working people that lie, and do stupid things. What is wrong with people today? Aren't people true to their work? They lie and cheat today and we the people who have to pay are stuck with this idiots. I give up.
Two policemen call the station on their radio.
"Hello. ..... Is this the Sarge?"
"We have a case here, Sarge. A woman has shot her husband
dead for stepping on the floor she had mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"No sir. The floor is still wet."
A woman gets pulled over by a policeman for suspected drunk driving.
“What the hell? That’s your penis, not the breathalyser!”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were drunk.”
The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.
“Well, tell me!” the man said.
The policeman said: “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said: “Give me the bad news first.”
So the policeman said: “I’m sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in the bay.”
“Oh my god!,” said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked: “What’s the good news?”
“Well,” said the policeman, “When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeness crab on her.”
“If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?” Mr. Wilkens demanded.
The policeman said: “We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow morning.”
Something to offend everyone...
The French are the cooks, and the Germans are the engineers. The British are the policemen. The Italians are the lovers, and the Swiss run everything.
But in Hell:
The Germans are the policemen. The British are the cooks. The Swiss are the lovers, the French are the engineers. And the Italians run everything.