Saturday, October 13, 2018

Cold, Cold Saturday

Good morning, oops sorry it's now 12:04. Good afternoon everyone. I was outside early this morning doing some work cleaning things preparing for winter. I wasn't able to do much work though. My side is still painful. I don't know how long this pain will take. My cousin who was a chiropractor before he had to retire, told me that this type of injury could take for a long time. I'm tired of this and will get better soon.


This is the pier for the many cruise ships in Oranjestad, Aruba. This is one of the ABC island. The other two are Bonaire and Curacao. I been to all three.

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                                                " OUCH "


Looking For A Dentist

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth.  "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair... try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."  The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth... try them. "The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid.  Where is your office?  I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."



The Dentist

A dentist starts talking to a girl at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands. The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist." The guy, surprised, says, "Yes .... How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replies. "You keep washing your hands." One thing leads to another and they make love. After it's over the girl says, "You must be a really good dentist." The guy, now with an inflated ego, says, "Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"
The girl replies...."I didn't feel a thing."



Dental Emergency

The dentist was called away from the dinner table to take an urgent phone call. It was Mr. Tuckerman, explaining that young Junior had gotten himself into quite a fix. "See, he was kissing his girlfriend, and when my wife and I came back from the movies we found them stuck together." "I'll come right over, Mr. Tuckerman," said the dentist calmly, "and don't worry about a thing. I have to unlock teenagers' braces all the time." Mr. Tuckerman whispered, "Yes, but from an IUD?"




Man and Wife at Dentist

A man and wife entered a dentist's office. The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." You're a brave woman said the dentist. Now, show me which tooth it is. The wife turns to her husband and says "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

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That's about it for today my friends.



                                            " SEE YA"


Cruisin Paul
 

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

90 dgrees in October Wednesday

Good late Wednesday morning to you all. I'm still in some pain but hopefully getting better. This day will give us 90's degrees and after the next 7 days will be in the low 50's and at night even in the 30's. Brrrrrrrrrr.
 This is one of better places to cruise to. I've been here 3 times.

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A old woman took a package to the post office to mail and was told it would cost $3.95 for fast delivery or $2.30 for slower service. “There is no hurry,” she told the clerk, “just so the package is delivered in my lifetime.” He glanced at her and said, “That will be $3.95, please.”


This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench in front of a large pond. On the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff. The wife turns to hubby and says, "I could really go for an ice cream cone." Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one." Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down." Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?" Wife says, "Get me a strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles." Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember. Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns. The wife asks him, "What took you so long, did you get lost?" The hubby replies, "No, and I got what you wanted." The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries! Wife says, "I knew you you should have written the order down." Hubby says, "What do you mean - every thing is there." To which the wife replies, "No, it's not... look, you forgot the pickles!"

 


An Elderly Couple

An elderly man and woman lived in the nursing home together. The elderly man liked the elderly woman very much. So one day, he asks if they could sit together outside at the benches. They sat there every day for about 3 weeks.Finally, the elderly man builds up enough nerve to ask the woman if she would hold his penis. "All you have to do is hold it, that's all." he said in his old crackling voice. The woman agrees to it. They sat at the benches every day for about 2 more weeks with her holding his penis every time. Finally, one day the elderly woman walks outside and he's not at the benches. She gets curious and goes to look for him. She finds him at another bench with another woman.She waits until she sees him later and asks him, "What does she have that I don't?" The elderly man smiles and says, "Parkinsons".




Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.
'Two years older than me.'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?'

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That's all for now. 


                                               " SEE YA "



Cruisin Paul


Saturday, October 6, 2018

Rainy, Dull Saturday






This port is Grenada, a place I've never been to but home to get there in the future.

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Concerned Husband

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things." "Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness". Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"



Finding a House

Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street. Stopping her, they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser and one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived. All she would say as she stroked the officers arm is, "Your Passionate" They drove awhile longer and asked again. Again the same response as she stroked his arm "Your Passionate". The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, "Look we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live." She replied, "I keep trying to tell you: Your Passin It!"





 Priceless Humor:
Lost Chapter In Genesis

Adam had been moping around all day in the Garden of Eden and God finally said, "Adam, what's up with all this moping?"
Adam told God that he was lonely. God said He could fix that, no problem.
In short order he could make a partner for Adam, and she would be called a "woman."
God told Adam that the woman would collect his food, cook it for him, and care for all his needs and wants. She would also agree with all his decisions and not question his authority as head of the family.
God also said that she would bear his offspring and and not bother him in the middle of the night if the kids woke up and started crying.
She would never nag him and would admit when she was wrong. She would also freely give him love and passion whenever he needed it.
Adam said, "Wow, that's a great partner! What is this woman-person going to cost me?"
And God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Adam thought for a minute, then asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
And the rest is history.



Priceless Humor: Hunting Flies

A woman entered her kitchen and found her boyfriend waving a fly swatter.
"What in heaven's name are you up to?" she asked.
"Killing flies," he said.
"Oh. Get any?"
"Yep, two males, three females," he answered.
"Oh come on! How do you tell them apart?"
"Two were on a beer can, three were on the phone."



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Well that's about it for today. The pain is now getting worse so I'm going to take the meds tht they gave me. Oh did I tell you that they are giving me morphine. 

 " Seeeeeee Yaaaaaaaa "



Cruisin Paul