A Week Before The Cruise

Good morning good friends. Well it's a week before I leave for my cruise and I'm beginning to get worried. First, my cousin informed me that he could no longer pick us up due to him going for some tests. No problem I found this company that picks people up from the airport. Second Trump has a nit fit and wants his wall and closes the government where the TSA people are calling in sick. I may have long lines at airport. Third, the tram at the airport is not working until April. Usually my gate is at the end of the airport which means walking and it's a long place. Now I daughter told us that they felt bad but they could no longer take us to the hotel where we stay the night before. I told them don't feel bad, we'll figure another ride. I'll probably call the company that is picking us up. You know, I feel that maybe we weren't suppose to go on this cruise. I'll be there one way and another. Cruisin, cruisin, cruisin.

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An airplane was already virtually full and in danger of exceeding its baggage allowance when a last-minute passenger asked for the one remaining ticket. The clerk was unsure whether to give the passenger a ticket, so he asked him: “Do you mind me asking how much your weigh?” “With or without the clothes?” asked the passenger. “Well,” said the clerk, “how do you intend to travel?”

It was mealtime on a small budget airline. So the flight attendant asked one of the passengers: “Would you like dinner?” The passenger replied: “What are my choices?” The flight attendant answered: “Yes or no. All other options have been eliminated due to budget cuts.”

Air Trouble

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We're currently flying at an altitude of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port engines have fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and our flight attendant. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"

One day John decides to invite Mark on a trip on his private jet. Whilst on this luxury aeroplane Mark asks where the toilet is. John shows him and says to him "inside there are 3 buttons, whatever you do don't press the third one." Mark proceeds to the toilet and does his business. Whilst sitting on the toilet he presses the first button. Suddenly his privates are cleaned thoroughly. He enjoys this and presses the second button. Dryers appear and dry his privates. He is intrigued to find out what button 3 does, so he pushes it. The next thing Mark sees is John staring at him... "what happened?" Mark asks shakily. "Well you pressed the third button and now you are in hospital." "Why do my privates hurt so bad?" Mark asked anxiously... John replies "Well you activated the automatic tampon remover."

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                                  " See Ya "

Cruisin Paul