Saturday

Hi there everyone.

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Cruisin Paul

 

Late Saturday Night

Good evening friends. I just finished 8 hours of watching the US Open Golf. I love golf even though I haven't been able to play the damn game for two years.

Here's how I feel about the game.

 We are continuing moving materials out of our home. My wife has done a great job selling much of our large materials. Tonight she sold a bread maker. I used it once and made bread but after that it was put on the shelf so it was sold tonight.

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3 madmen walked on railroad tracks.

One of them says " damn, it feels like this staircase never ends. "

The other answers : Yeah, and the railing is so low! I can hardly reach it."

Then the third points with his finger and says : stop crying. Look, the elevator is coming." 

 

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 A dog is sitting beside a railroad track.

He's wagging his tail as a train rushing past and the train cuts off the tip of his tail. Mad and in pain, he turns to snap at the train and the train cuts his head off.

The moral of the story is...... Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail. 

 

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Cruisin Paul

 

Happy Sunday

Good Sunday morning friends. I usually wake up in 6:30 but this morning I just didn't feel good so I slept in a little later. Now I feel better. My wife is really doing a great job getting rid of our big things in our home but the little things, oh my goodness, I didn't realize how much stuff we have in this place. I would just throw it away but not her so I'm just keeping my mouth shut. I'd rather have a quiet lovely life. LOL

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Interviewer: Why did you become a pilot?

Pilot: To overcome my biggest fear.

Interviewer: Heights?
 

Pilot: Dying Alone.

 

 Pierre, a French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the river Seine. It is a beautiful day and love is in the air, so Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me".

So our hero grabs a bottle of red wine and splashes it on Marie's lips.>

"What are you doing, Pierre?" shrieks Marie.

"Well, my name is Pierre, the French fighter pilot, and when I have red meat I like to have red wine!"

His answer is good enough for Marie and things begin to heat up. So she says: "Pierre,
kiss me lower."

Our hero rips off her blouse, grabs a bottle of white wine and starts pouring it all over her bosom.

"Pierre, what are you doing" she says.

"My name is Pierre, the French fighter pilot, and when I have white meat I like to have white wine!"

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans over once more and softly whispers into Pierre's ear..."Pierre, kiss me lower."

Pierre tears off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and sprinkles it all over her private region. He then grabs a match and lights it on fire.

Patting the flames out furiously, Marie screams, "PIERRE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!?"

 

 "My name is Pierre, the French fighter pilot, and when I go down, I go down in flames."

 

 

  Why can't pilots dress well?

 

 Their clothes are too plane.

 

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Cruisin Paul

  

Cool Saturday

Hi there everyone. Well it's now September and the children are going back to school. I'm very worried for my grandchildren, all the children and the teachers. I keep thinking if I was still teaching, what would I do especially with this virus still around. What would you do if you were a teacher? 

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An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!"

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked. "Why not?"

She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

 

 

A kinky passenger grinningly exposed himself to a stewardess as he boarded the plane.

"I'm sorry," said the woman, "but you'll have to show me your ticket, not your stub."

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Stewardess

Yes, Sir?

I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep.

 Captain, shut up and land the plane.

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I was on this plane once...

Captain sets for take off and we are 35000 feet in the air, the captain then sets his mic down but forgets to turn it off.

The captain turns to the co-pilot and says "all I could use right now is a blow job and a cup of coffee".

The stewardess starts running from the back of the plane to tell the captain he still has his mic on.

A guy in the back of the plane screams out "hey hun, don't forget the coffee!".

 

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    I've  never flown anywhere with seats like these. Have you???????

A lawyer boarded an airplane

in Baltimore with a box of frozen soft shell crabs and asked a stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator..
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in Sarasota Florida, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in Baltimore , please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up .... so she took them home and ate them.

 

 

 

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       " Have a Wonderful Day Friends "

 

 

Cruisin Paul