Hot Monday

Good to see that my friends are awake this morning even though I'm writing this blog Sunday evening. Unfortunately I have leave early in the morning  to go to town early
I just finished watching BIG BROTHER and it is so crazy already. I love the show. Have you seen this show? 

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LADIES OF THE NIGHT

A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City.  

The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several
wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner. 

The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point
the daughter asks her mother, "Mommy, what are all those ladies 
waiting for by that corner?"

The mother replies, "Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come
home from work."

The cabbie, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says,
"Ahhhhhhh, C'mon lady!  Tell your daughter the truth.  For crying out
loud.  They're hookers!"

A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks, "Mommy, do
the ladies have any children?"

The mother replies, "Of course, dear.  Where do you think cabbies come
from?"

"The lady of the night" joke

One day a bear was feeling lonely and wanted some company... he went out that night on the town, whilst he was out he met a lady of the night (prostitute)... so she said " so why dont we go back to my house?" the bear said "ok". The bear and the Lady went back to the ladys house, when they got there the bear started eating everything in the fridge, the lady looked shocked, then they went to bed and had sex. Once they had finished the lady said "well we had better discuss payment then", the bear looked shocked, so the lady said "well, thats what you do to us ladies of the night use us and then pay us, so look it up in the dictionary if you would like" after that the bear said, "well look up bear in the dictionary, the lady looked up bear, the description was - Eats shoots and leaves

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said, "TWO PROSTITUTES.......$50.00." A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES."
They asked the cop why he let the other car go and he said, "Well, that's a little different, it pertains to religion." So the two ladies took their sign down and took off.
The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read.........."TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER.....$50.00.

 

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Well that's about for now. Have a great wonderful Monday my friends and until then ........................

 

                                                                         " SEE YA  "

 

 

 

 

Warm and Sunny Tuesday

Good morning to all of my wonderful friends. The last two days were in the 90's. Sweaty days but made it. Tomorrow I'm golfing with my friends Gerry and Brian. There great guys and Brian is a funny guy. I have to be careful when I swing because he'll make a funny comment just when I swing. These two men are fantastic because they allow me to golf at this private golf golf. Without them, I wouldn't be able to golf at all. Thanks guys.
After I finish my blog I have get outside and clean my BBQ. I want to BBQ some ribs and steaks.
                                   
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Remember, I'm Italian and I can laugh at myself, I think I can. Ha,ha,ha.

An Italian man immigrates to the United States of America and moves in with some distant relatives in New Jersey. They tell him he should apply for citizenship and they will help him study for the test. They go over all the U.S. history from the Revolutionary war to present day.

Finally, he feels he has enough knowledge to pass the test so he sets an appointment.

He walks into the testing room and the agent giving the test thought he would have a bit of fun, so he said to the man "We have a very simple test for you today. If you can use three English words in one sentence, you will be granted citizenship! The words are green, pink and yellow.

The Italian man thought for several minutes and finally said "O.K., I thinka I cana do that"

Than he said "I hearda the telephone go green, green, green, so I pink it uppa and I say yellow - who is this."

 

Newly Wedded Couples
Sophie just got married, and being a traditional Italian woman she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But mother reassured her."Don't worry, Sophie. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luca took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophie ran downstairs to her mother and says,"Mama, Mama, Luca's got a big hairy chest."

"Don't worry, Sophie", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Luca took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophie ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Luca took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!"

"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you."

So, up she went again. When she got up there, Luca took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing some of his toes. When Sophie saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a foot and a half!"

"Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. "This is a job for your Mother!" 

The Ultimate Wish
An Italian man walking along the beach on a warm summer evening in California and was deep in prayer. He looked up to the skies and yelled out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have been a loyal and good servant to me and you had enough desire to ask, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The Italian man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy?"

After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Italian Inventions

Francis and Isabella were having their usual battle of the sexes. "Italian men are all stupid," screamed Isabella "Oh, yeah?" yelled her husband. "I'll have you know it was an Italian man who invented the toilet seat!" "And I'll have you know," said his wife, "it was an Italian woman who thought of putting a hole in it!"

The proper way to putt...

This Italian bloke had never played golf before and so asked for some tips before starting the game. An American player decided to teach the Italian the proper way to putt a golf ball. The American said, "You take this stick and hit the balls so that they roll into the hole". The American putted away and sank the ball from 20 feet in a single stroke. The Italian replied, "In America, you leave your sticka outta and a putta your balls in da hole, but in Italia, we put our sticka inna da hole and leave our balls out"!

A Greek and an Italian

A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics." The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire." And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!" The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"

 Big Lorenzo, an Italian fella, is bragging to his friends about his sons:
"I'ma so prouda my oldest son. He maka fifty thousand dollar evra year. Hesa Engineer!"
"I even more prouda ma second son. He maka five hundred thousand dollar a year. Hesa Doctor!"
"But, I'ma da proudest a ma youngest son. He maka Five million dollar a year. Hesa Sports Mechanic!"
Paolo, his friend asks: "What's a Sports Mechanic?"
Lorenzo replies: "Wella, he can fixa everytin. He fixa da horseraces, he fixa da boxin matcha......."

 and last but not least...........................................................................................................

 
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Well that's it for now. I love my Italian Heritage and I know that there is many more funny jokes I'll be giving you, my friends later.  Buona giornata (bwona djor-na-ta) – Have a good day
Arriverderci (arri-veh-der-chi)    ,  Ciao ciao ciao (chao chao chao) – Bye

                                                                            " SEE YA "

 

Rainy Wednesday

Good morning all you dry friends. I'm wet this morning but that's OK, the flowers & lawn  around here need the water. I went to see my doctor to get my results from the CT - Scan and I have some problems from my fall on my back. It's difficult to explain but he told me that if you can deal with the pain, let it go. If not you'll have to see a neuro surgeon to have an operation. No operation for me. I can deal with the pain for now. I still looking forward to go golfing soon.

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Nude Sunbathing

Down in Florida, there's a little hotel, four floors high. A girl used to take a sunbathe there every day. Since there were no higher hotels near it, she would take off her bathing suit and be in the nude. So she was in the nude and she was lying on her stomach, and she heard someone coming up the steps. She quickly grabbed the towel and put it around her.

The man said, "I wish you wouldn't sunbathe in the nude up here."

She said, "You never protested before." He said, "No, but I wish you would do it like you did before, in your bathing suit.

" She said, "Why do you care? No one can see."

He said, "Madam, you happen to be lying on the skylight of a dining room."

Parents and son on a Nude Beach

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"

The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later, he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!"

The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." Once again the son goes back to play.

A short time later, he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"

2 nude nuns at work

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.
After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.
In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
"Who is it?", calls one of the nuns.
"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
"Nice breasts," says the man, "where do you want these blinds"?

Nude male house cleaner

A man in St. Louis, Missouri, has a business in which he cleans women's houses, in the nude, for $80. He's making a fortune on this - not because he's naked, but because women want to see a man clean the house.

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Tonight I play some pool with my friend Al. I'm going to have to explain to his wife that after we done playing, all I want is a drink. She's so nice because after we play she always presents a table with wonderful goodies. I've been gaining some weight so I've been trying to stay away from from goodies. We'll see if it works.

Have a wonderful my good  friends and enjoy the day.

                                                                          " SEE YA "

Beautiful Sunny Friday

The weather has been pretty good the last two day. Tomorrow it's going to in the 90's and thunderstorms. The flowers are now coming out in wonderful colours. Not all of them but some of them. Here's a few of the them.

 

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Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won't be identified as clergy. They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon head for the beach.

They notice a gorgeous blond in a tiny bikini. "Good afternoon, Fathers" she says as she strolls by.

The men are stunned. How does she know they are clergy? Later that day, they buy even wilder attire consisting of surfer shorts, tie dyed T-shirts, and dark glasses.

The next day, they return to the beach. The same fabulous blond, now wearing a string bikini, passes by, nods politely at them and says, "Good morning Fathers."

"Just a minute young lady.", says one of the priests. "We are priests and proud of it, but how in the world did you know?"

The blonde replies, "Don't you recognize me? I'm sister Katherine from the convent."

Bikinis and Swimsuits

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s advice.
‘What do you think?’ I asked. ‘Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?’
‘Better get a bikini,’ he replied. ‘You’d never get it all in one.’
He’s still in intensive care.

Three-Piece Bikini

I got my first bikini. It's a three piece: it's a top, a bottom and a blindfold for you.

 

Well that's it for today. Since it's Friday, I hope that you'll enjoy a wonderful weekend. 

 

" SEE YA "

 

Beautiful Sunny Saturday ( Rain Coming )

Good morning eveyone. What a beautiful Saturday morning we have here in Amherstburg. It seems that we'll have some rain late on in the day but for now it's wonderful. My friend Gerry is home from his Alaskan cruise but I haven't had a chance to speak to him about it. Tonight Al & Meilin are coming over and as usual, Al and I will be playing pool. We haven't played pool because my wife painted the walls. WOW! What a job she did with it. I just love it. I must say that I hate painting and she loves it but I did help the little things. 

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A man comes home to find his wife of 10 years packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 cash to do what I do for you for free!" The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing his bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed. "I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1,000 a year!"

A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the damn ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," says his partner. "You'll never hit her from here."

There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spent it. The first one went out and got a total makeover with the money. She got new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much." The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gave them to the man. She said, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much." The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money. Finally, being the mere man he was, he decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts. 

                                                              " That's a man for you. "

Husband and Wife Jokes

Short Husband and Wife Jokes

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

 

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Even though these jokes are funny, I have to say that God gave me such a wonderful woman as my wife. I've said it before and I'll say it again, without Mary Lou I don't know what I'd do. I have a very special woman in my life. On July 13th it will be 42 years with this thoughtful loving and caring woman, my wife. 

Now how's that?

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" SEE YA "