Warm and Sunny Tuesday

Good morning to all of my wonderful friends. The last two days were in the 90's. Sweaty days but made it. Tomorrow I'm golfing with my friends Gerry and Brian. There great guys and Brian is a funny guy. I have to be careful when I swing because he'll make a funny comment just when I swing. These two men are fantastic because they allow me to golf at this private golf golf. Without them, I wouldn't be able to golf at all. Thanks guys.
After I finish my blog I have get outside and clean my BBQ. I want to BBQ some ribs and steaks.
                                   
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Remember, I'm Italian and I can laugh at myself, I think I can. Ha,ha,ha.

An Italian man immigrates to the United States of America and moves in with some distant relatives in New Jersey. They tell him he should apply for citizenship and they will help him study for the test. They go over all the U.S. history from the Revolutionary war to present day.

Finally, he feels he has enough knowledge to pass the test so he sets an appointment.

He walks into the testing room and the agent giving the test thought he would have a bit of fun, so he said to the man "We have a very simple test for you today. If you can use three English words in one sentence, you will be granted citizenship! The words are green, pink and yellow.

The Italian man thought for several minutes and finally said "O.K., I thinka I cana do that"

Than he said "I hearda the telephone go green, green, green, so I pink it uppa and I say yellow - who is this."

 

Newly Wedded Couples
Sophie just got married, and being a traditional Italian woman she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But mother reassured her."Don't worry, Sophie. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luca took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophie ran downstairs to her mother and says,"Mama, Mama, Luca's got a big hairy chest."

"Don't worry, Sophie", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Luca took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophie ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Luca took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!"

"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you."

So, up she went again. When she got up there, Luca took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing some of his toes. When Sophie saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a foot and a half!"

"Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. "This is a job for your Mother!" 

The Ultimate Wish
An Italian man walking along the beach on a warm summer evening in California and was deep in prayer. He looked up to the skies and yelled out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have been a loyal and good servant to me and you had enough desire to ask, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The Italian man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy?"

After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Italian Inventions

Francis and Isabella were having their usual battle of the sexes. "Italian men are all stupid," screamed Isabella "Oh, yeah?" yelled her husband. "I'll have you know it was an Italian man who invented the toilet seat!" "And I'll have you know," said his wife, "it was an Italian woman who thought of putting a hole in it!"

The proper way to putt...

This Italian bloke had never played golf before and so asked for some tips before starting the game. An American player decided to teach the Italian the proper way to putt a golf ball. The American said, "You take this stick and hit the balls so that they roll into the hole". The American putted away and sank the ball from 20 feet in a single stroke. The Italian replied, "In America, you leave your sticka outta and a putta your balls in da hole, but in Italia, we put our sticka inna da hole and leave our balls out"!

A Greek and an Italian

A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon." Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics." The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire." And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!" The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"

 Big Lorenzo, an Italian fella, is bragging to his friends about his sons:
"I'ma so prouda my oldest son. He maka fifty thousand dollar evra year. Hesa Engineer!"
"I even more prouda ma second son. He maka five hundred thousand dollar a year. Hesa Doctor!"
"But, I'ma da proudest a ma youngest son. He maka Five million dollar a year. Hesa Sports Mechanic!"
Paolo, his friend asks: "What's a Sports Mechanic?"
Lorenzo replies: "Wella, he can fixa everytin. He fixa da horseraces, he fixa da boxin matcha......."

 and last but not least...........................................................................................................

 
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Well that's it for now. I love my Italian Heritage and I know that there is many more funny jokes I'll be giving you, my friends later.  Buona giornata (bwona djor-na-ta) – Have a good day
Arriverderci (arri-veh-der-chi)    ,  Ciao ciao ciao (chao chao chao) – Bye

                                                                            " SEE YA "