Wet Sunday Later

We have a busy Sunday. I'm first taking my wife out for breakfast, fill my bumble bee up wife gas, get some luncheon meat and then back home arranging all the materials for the cottage. 

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"Restaurant" joke

The City Health inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the health inspector nearly chokes when he sees that he is not wearing a shirt. As if the health inspector didn't already have enough fuel for his citation-writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest.
Appalled, the health inspector had barely finished up when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit.
Shocked an bewildered, the health inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen.
"That's nothing," replied the manager, "You should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!"

 Mama Mia

Senior Chef's Death

A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's
senior chef had passed away unexpectedly.
"Is Mr. Smith there?" asked the client on the phone.
"I am very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist
answered.
"Is Mr. Smith there?" repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed, "Perhaps you did not understand me. I am
afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."
"Is Mr. Smith there?" asked the client again.
"Madam, do you understand what I am saying?" said the exasperated
receptionist, "Mr. Smith is dead."
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed, "I just cannot hear it
often enough."

Three cooks, one from Greece, one from Italy and one from Britain were sitting on a park bench passing the time.
Suddenly, the cook from Greece reaches under the bench and drags out a new bottle of Ouzo, takes a big swig, tosses the bottle into the air and shoots the bottle on the way down.
"What did you do that for?" asks the cook from Italy.
"We have lots of Ouzo in Greece" he replied.
The cook from Britain takes out a bottle of beer, takes a huge swig, throws the bottle into the air and shoots the bottle on the way down.
"What did you do that for?" asks the cook from Italy.
"We have lots of beer in Britain" was the reply.
The cook from Italy takes out a bottle of Barolo wine, takes a enormous swig and shoots the cook from England.
"What did you do that for?" asks the cook from Greece.
"We have lots of British in Italy!” 

An Italian Man Chooses a Spouse

       An Italian man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely Italian women. He gives each Italian woman a present of $500 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The Italian man was very impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the Italian man gifts. She gets him a new Italian suit, some new shoes for his Italian suit, and an expensive Italian tie. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the Italian man is impressed.

The third Italian woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $500. She gives him back his $500 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the Italian man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.

An Italian Dinner So Good It Could Kill You

Joe prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party he was giving. In his haste however, he forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce and it sat on the counter all day. He was worried about the spoilage but it was too late to cook up another batch. He called the local poison control center and voiced his concern. They advised Joey to boil the sauce again.
That night the phone rang during dinner and one of the guests volunteered to answer it. Joey’s face dropped as the guest called out, “It’s the poison control center. They want to know how the spaghetti turned out.”

Another Pasta Diet

It’s an Italian diet that really works!!!

1. You walka pasta da bakery.
2. You walka pasta da candy store.
3. You walka pasta da ice cream shop.
4. You walka pasta da table
5. You walka pasta da fridge

You will losa da weight.
Now that’s a funnya joka.

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That's it for now. Last week the RCMP Mounties were in our area for a Ride. Here are some pictures.

 

At the end of the ride, the officers had a chance to speak to the people and also the people had a chance to have pictures taken with the officers and their horse. It was a great day for everyone.

 


See you all next week my friends. 

 

A Nicer Saturday

Good to see you again my friends. Yes it's Saturday and I feeling sore. I went golfing yesterday and my leg was hurting but I still golfed. Well today I can hardly walk. Oh well, I enjoyed the golfing. 
Today my wife is taking my daughter to see the RCMP Ride. I saw them last year so I'm not going

 

but I can say, it was a great show. While they are at the show, I will be watching golf and cooking our dinner.

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A young boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him. "Hmmmm," he wonders, "How am I gonna get more dough?"Then he gets an idea. He calls his father. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here that will teach Fido how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing!" his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the course."

So, his father sends the dog and the $1000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. "So how's Fido doing, son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program, that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ!?" says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." ....And his father sends the money. At the end of the semester, the boy has a problem. When he gets home, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he gets home, his father is all excited. "Where's Fido? I just can't wait to hear him talk and listen to him read something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. This morning, when I got out of the shower, Fido was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does.Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street?' "

The father says, "I hope you SHOT that lyin' son of a bitch!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.
She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again, for no reason."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says "Don't you have a vase?"

Three Mothers, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were all talking about their daughters.

The Brunette said "I was looking through my daughters things and I found cigarettes, I can't believe my daughter smokes."

The redhead said "Ladies, I was looking through my daughters things and I found a bottle of liquor, I can't believe my daughter drinks."

The Blonde said "I was looking through my daughters things and I found a pack of condoms, I can't believe my daughter has a penis!"

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That's it for now. We're suppose to get a big storm this afternoon. I hope that RCMP officers, their horse, the people including my wife, daughter and grandchildren don't get wet. Have a great Saturday everyone.

 

                                                                         " SEE YA! "

 

 

 

Scary Heat Thursday

Good morning friends. It's very hot here in Amherstburg, Ontario, Canada. Yesterday was 95 degrees, index 99, today 97 degrees index 100 and tomorrow ( when I'm suppose to play golf ) 94 degrees index 97. Hopefully we are suppose to get some storms in the afternoon but I doubt that it will change how hot it will be. It doesn't change until the weekend where it should be in the middle 80's.
I've already arranged to bring 3 bottles of Gatorade. Two bottles are frozen already. I'll taken them out tonight so they should be ready tomorrow morning. I'm just going to have to rest as I play tomorrow I guess.
As I said after I did my post about police  and the respect I had about policemen, this post will be about teachers of which I one for 31 years. By the way, Tuesday I had a wonderful time sitting down with two former students who are policemen, Detective Gary Bezaire, London Police Force and Officer Steve Owns, Amherstburg Police Force. It was wonderful seeing these great men. By the way, they were great students when I taught them. I hope that I will have another chance to see them again.

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Describing his teacher to his mother, Jimmy called her “mean but fair.”
“Just what do you mean by that?” – his mother asked.
“She is mean to everybody.” – Jimmy replied.
                            
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Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won’t be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!

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A teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”

A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+.
Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed your mind about learning math?"
The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant business."

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
The little girl replied, "My homework."

 A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, "if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?" "Somebody else's pants."

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Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?"
Sam: "I don't know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."
Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"

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Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

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Well that's it for now. Being a teacher was one of  my proudest moments. As you can see, my students do come back and see me. I often wondered when I retired, did I do anything for my students? Well, many of my past students still come to see me and they and their parents always tell me how proud that their children loved my class and me and they also remember much of the life ideas that I taught in my class. One especially was the word RESPECT and they in turn show that to me today. Thank you.

                                                                       " SEE YA "

Friendly Sunday

Well, what do you know, I finally wrote a post. Sorry about that. I haven't been feeling feel lately. Maybe it's this 90 degree weather we've been having lately. But this morning I;m feeling really great so here I am. 

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Chemistry In The Soup Kitchen

While volunteering in a soup kitchen, I hit it off with a very attractive single man. It was a relief, since my mother and I always laughed 
because the men to whom I was drawn were inevitably married. So, optimistic about my chances, I asked my new friend what he did for a 
living. He replied, “I’m a priest.”

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A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." - See more at: http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/family-jokes#sthash.XZzKJWre.dpuf

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." - See more at: http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/family-jokes#sthash.XZzKJWre.dpuf

Paul and his best friend were coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed his friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

Paul's friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married?

Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman ... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."

"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least on girl that you wanted to marry."

"Yes, there was one girl .. once. I guess she was the one perfect girl.

The only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything .. I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.

"She was looking for the perfect man," he said.

Two adventurers John and Jack were hunting for gold in the desert. After roaming all day long under the hot sun, they set up their tent and fell asleep. Some hours later, John woke up his friend.

"Jack, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Jack looked up and replied, "I can see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asked John.

Jack thought for a minute and said.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

After a moment of silence, John spoke.

"It tells two things to me. First is that...you are an idiot."

Jack looked at John, surprised. "Why do you say so?" he said.

"Because it has still not occurred to you that someone has stolen our tent." replied John.

Golf ball

Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball.

"Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked. The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one. "Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?" The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one."

Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?"

"That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it."

"Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?"

The other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back -- no problem."

Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?"

"No problem," says the other guy, "you see, this ball is fluorescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark."

Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"

The other guy replies, "I found it."

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Well my friends, that will be it for now. I hope that I'll be able to send another post back to you soon. Enjoy your Sunday everyone.

 
                                                                         " SEE YA "