A Nicer Saturday

Good to see you again my friends. Yes it's Saturday and I feeling sore. I went golfing yesterday and my leg was hurting but I still golfed. Well today I can hardly walk. Oh well, I enjoyed the golfing. 
Today my wife is taking my daughter to see the RCMP Ride. I saw them last year so I'm not going

 

but I can say, it was a great show. While they are at the show, I will be watching golf and cooking our dinner.

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A young boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him. "Hmmmm," he wonders, "How am I gonna get more dough?"Then he gets an idea. He calls his father. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here that will teach Fido how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing!" his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the course."

So, his father sends the dog and the $1000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. "So how's Fido doing, son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program, that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ!?" says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." ....And his father sends the money. At the end of the semester, the boy has a problem. When he gets home, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he gets home, his father is all excited. "Where's Fido? I just can't wait to hear him talk and listen to him read something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. This morning, when I got out of the shower, Fido was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does.Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street?' "

The father says, "I hope you SHOT that lyin' son of a bitch!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.
She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again, for no reason."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says "Don't you have a vase?"

Three Mothers, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were all talking about their daughters.

The Brunette said "I was looking through my daughters things and I found cigarettes, I can't believe my daughter smokes."

The redhead said "Ladies, I was looking through my daughters things and I found a bottle of liquor, I can't believe my daughter drinks."

The Blonde said "I was looking through my daughters things and I found a pack of condoms, I can't believe my daughter has a penis!"

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That's it for now. We're suppose to get a big storm this afternoon. I hope that RCMP officers, their horse, the people including my wife, daughter and grandchildren don't get wet. Have a great Saturday everyone.

 

                                                                         " SEE YA! "