Good morning everyone. Well we've started a new week. The weatherman keeps on telling us we are getting rain but it never seems to arrive. Oh yes, it will probably rain on Thursday because I'm golfing that day. Last week I went golfing and on the fifth and six holes it was raining and continued a little throughout the match. Oh yes, I got wet.
Three highly decorated police officers die in a wild shoot out with
narcotics dealers and go to heaven.
God greets them and asks, "When you are laid out in your casket, and
your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what would you like to
hear them say about you?
The first cop says, "I would like to hear them say, that I was the
bravest cop on the force."
The second police officer says, "I would like to hear that I was a
terrific cop who died in the line of duty."
The last cop replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's
Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in the
After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently
intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the
officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five
different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.
He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar
and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off; it was a
fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of
times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then
remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons'
At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled
out and drove slowly down the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started
up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the
man over and administered a breathalyser test.
To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man
had consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to
the police station. This breathalyser equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the truly proud Redneck. "Tonight I'm the designated
A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police
officer pulled her over and walked up to the car.
The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally
said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a
small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom.
She held it up to her face and said, "Aha!
This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and
"You're free to go.
And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided
all of this."
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle.
He’s got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard stops him and says, "What’s in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We’ll just see about that – get off the bike!"
The guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and
finds nothing in them but sand.
He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover
that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags.
The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto
the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
The next day, the same thing happens.
The guard asks, "What have you got?"
"Sand," says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags
contain nothing but sand.
He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his
This sequence of events is repeated every day for a year.
Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a
Cantina in Mexico.
"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It’s
driving me crazy. It’s all I think about… I can’t sleep. Just between
you and me, what are you smuggling?"
Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."
Well that will be it for today. Have a great Monday my friends.
" Cruisin Paul "