Saturday, June 24, 2017

Interesting Saturday

Good morning friends. I hope things are going well for you. My daughter Nicole and her husband Joe have been gone for a few days because today is their anniversary and they always spend some time together. Joe and her both work hard and of course they all so have two children which also means work at home.
I played golf on Thursday. I started to rain early in the morning but when we teed off, it was nice but after the first nine holes, the sun came out  and it became hot, very hot. I played very well for my ability and enjoyed the guys that played with me. Overall, I enjoyed the day.


MY GRANDMOTHER was a ball of fire. Grandpa was slow and deliberate. One night they were awakened by a commotion in the chicken, house. Grandma sprang out of bed, ran to the chicken house and found the cause of the racket, a large black snake. Having nothing to dispatch it with, she clamped her bare foot down on its head. There she stood, until Grandpa arrived, a good 15 minutes later. He was fully dressed, with every button buttoned, and he even had his pocket watch in place. "Well," he said cheerfully to my disheveled and enraged grandma, "if I'd known you had him, I wouldn't have hurried so."

MY HUSBAND'S grandparents, married for more than 50 years, went to a restaurant for lunch, where Papa ordered a Ruben sandwich.
  "He'll have the red snapper," Gram brusquely told the waitress. "He doesn't like Rubes."
  "I'll have the Ruben," Papa shot back.
  "Red snapper!"
  Papa sighed in resignation.  Shrugging, he explained to the waitress, "When you've been married as long as I have, you get set in her ways."


On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Susan went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. 
 When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, he had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." 
 Horrified, Susan told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. 
 "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realising our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding, and out on the Dong." 
 She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "and if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

An elderly man really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into the mirror, admiring his body, and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis. So he decided to do something about that. 
 He went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out of the sand. 
A bit later, two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane to help her get along. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, the lady with the cane began to move the penis around with her cane. 
 Remarking to the other little old lady, she said, "There really is no justice in the world." 
 The other little old lady asked, "What do you mean by that?" 
 The first little old lady replied, "Look at that. When I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot about it.
"Now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild, and I'm too old to squat."

Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on the television. 
The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed. 
Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain. 
Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch. 
Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you just don't get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead."

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22-year-old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee." 
 I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" 
 She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon." 
 I said, "Well, why are you crying?" 
 She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m." 
 I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" 
 She said, "I can't remember where I live."


Well that's about it for today my friends. Enjoy your day.

                                   " SEE YA " 


                            " Cruisin Paul "


  1. You've found a bunch of good jokes today, Paul. Love the cat poem and the lady crying on the park bench.

    Enjoy your golf game.

    1. You know Jean, I never liked cats that much but eventually I fell in love with them.

  2. Bwahahahahahahahahaha. Love all the jokes, and my favorite is "It's a booby trap."

    Glad you had a good golf day. That's always a plus.

    Have a fabulous weekend, Paul. ☺

    1. Sandee, I also loved the booby trap one. See ya my friend.

  3. LMAO the jokes made me laugh Pauleo that poor man when he wakes up with the cat's arse in his face lol I loved the never pass a bathroom ditty

    Good to see you had a good golf day but did you wear 2 pairs of pants just in case? :-)

    Have a good day and I hope your daughter and her hubby had a tanfastic anniversary :-)

    PS: Hope your feeling better than the other day :-)

    1. Thank for thinking about me Steveo. I've been having some problems with bloody noses and I don't feel so good. I hope I get better.

    2. Hope your feeling a bit better now from when you made this reply Pauleo it can all get so frustrating when something like that lingers on :-(

  4. Heeheehee! Glad you had a good time golfing and thanks for the laughs!

    1. Thanks again Mimi and I'm so happy that you enjoyed the laughs.

  5. Hi Paul, thanks for all the old folks jokes. I like the booby trap and the Furniture. That's a naughty cat sitting on its master's face! Lol!

  6. Thanks for all the jokes, that is so funny!


Thanks for commenting!