A good morning everyone. I can't believe the temperature we are getting at the end of September. Yesterday it was in the 90's, yes the 90's and it won't cool down until Thursday.
On Wednesday my beautiful tree in the backyard will be coming down. Unfortunately I was told that trees like mine have a disease and I will have to have it
taken down. It's only 25 years old and it was so beautiful. It gave us tremendous shade over our deck but no more.
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Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they are born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
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There
were three babies in a woman's womb, and they were discussing what they
would like to be when they were out in the world and grown up.
The first one said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked why he wanted be be a plumber. He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here, it's kinda leaky."
The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others thought this was kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, "So I can get some lights in here, its dark!"
The third one said, "I wanna be a boxer." The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full five minutes, before asking, "Why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?"
He replied, "So," he said proudly, "I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us.
The first one said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked why he wanted be be a plumber. He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here, it's kinda leaky."
The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others thought this was kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, "So I can get some lights in here, its dark!"
The third one said, "I wanna be a boxer." The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full five minutes, before asking, "Why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?"
He replied, "So," he said proudly, "I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us.
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."
The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."
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A man was walking down the street when he saw a woman with the perfect, and I mean PERFECT, breasts he'd ever seen.
He walked up to her and said, "Ma'am, you have perfect breasts, and I will pay you $100 to bite them." The woman was horrified and began to walk away.
The man caught her and said, "Alright, I'll pay you $1,000 to bite your breasts." Still horrified, the woman began to run away.
The man caught her again and said, "Fine. I'll pay you $10,000 to bite your breasts, and not a penny more." The woman then thinks that $10,000 will be worth it, so she finally agreed.
They went into a deserted alley away from the city action. The woman took off her shirt and bra, revealing the perfect breasts. The man then began to touch, squeeze, fondle, poke, and everything to the woman's breasts EXCEPT biting them.
The woman then said, "Well, are you gonna bite them or not?!"
The man replied, "Nah, too expensive."
He walked up to her and said, "Ma'am, you have perfect breasts, and I will pay you $100 to bite them." The woman was horrified and began to walk away.
The man caught her and said, "Alright, I'll pay you $1,000 to bite your breasts." Still horrified, the woman began to run away.
The man caught her again and said, "Fine. I'll pay you $10,000 to bite your breasts, and not a penny more." The woman then thinks that $10,000 will be worth it, so she finally agreed.
They went into a deserted alley away from the city action. The woman took off her shirt and bra, revealing the perfect breasts. The man then began to touch, squeeze, fondle, poke, and everything to the woman's breasts EXCEPT biting them.
The woman then said, "Well, are you gonna bite them or not?!"
The man replied, "Nah, too expensive."
Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
Yes, your bladder
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A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four".
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".
Again, there's a bright flash ... and then his legs fall off!
Smart Dad
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Well that's about it from me today. Enjoy the day my friends.
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" Cruisin Paul "
Sorry about your tree. It's hard to lose one
ReplyDeleteLove the meme with the cat, the baby bump and the cat.
Yes, I'm sorry about my beautiful tree but life goes on.
DeleteIt's not been too bad in London really although it's mild one minute and chilly the next and the nights are getting longer very quickly.
ReplyDeleteThat's not good news about your tree after all this time you will miss it, it's a shame antibiotics won't cure it ...ignore me Pauleo I'm barking mad ..couldn't resist that
Your jokes were funny as always lol that cat soon changed it's mind about the baby haha!
Have a warmtastic day Pauleo :-)
Barking, ha,ha,ha, my friend. You're funny.
DeleteSorry about your tree. We had one taken down a couple of years ago. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.
ReplyDeleteLoved all the jokes. The biting one was my favorite.
Stay cool during this heatwave.
Have a fabulous weekend, Paul. ☺
Hi Sandee. The heatwave will disappear really quick and we'll probably wonder where the hot went. See ya.
ReplyDeleteAlways such funny things you find to share, i love reading here.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could plant another tree in that spot. It takes time for them to grow, but the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago and the second best is now.
Hope the temperatures cool down soon!
You might have to get an umbrella. It just won't take the place of a good shade tree. It might just keep the sun off that bald guy :)
ReplyDeleteHa,ha,ha Rhonda, that bald head. You are correct about that tree. I'll miss it.
DeleteWe no longer grow big trees because it is too expensive to pay to get people to cut down the trees and discard them for us.
ReplyDeleteIt's going to cost me to take down this beautiful tree.
Delete♪♪Happy Birthday to you,♪♪
ReplyDelete♪♪Happy Birthday to you,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday Dear Paul,♪♪
♪♪Happy Birthday to you.♪♪