What a weird morning we're having. This is April 11 and the weatherman said that even though the temp the other day was 75 degrees, they said we could have snow. Are they nuts?
My wife is resting after having her little operation on her knee. AmyLynn and I are doing the work around the house. Today I'll be going for lunch with Dan and before I leave MacDonald's, I'll be getting her a coffee that I always bring home a coffee for Mary Lou.
My friend Al, though not doing well. has flown to Vancouver, British Columbia for his daughter's wedding. I hope he enjoys this very special thing in their lives.
This prisoner is going to be caught in a lot of doo doo.
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to
the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like
to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't
give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll
lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad
things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband
in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's
different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret
base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very
surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base.
They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an
The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted
the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel.
The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held
him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was
lost and wasn't a spy.
They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying
"you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the
rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on
such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.
The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the
same Cessna showed up again.
Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...
Only this time there were two people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my
wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a
second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend
and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back
in court Monday."
On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? "
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o.
Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the
small circle is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," says the judge.
Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"Wow!" says the judge.
"156 people! How did you manage to do that?"
"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says.
"I drew two circles like this: o O.
Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your asshole
before prison... '"
A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer," the man began, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer.
I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say," "And I said to keep quiet! You're
going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky
for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding... He'll be in a
good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
" See Ya my friends. "