Saturday, December 30, 2023

  2023 is coming to an end and 2024 is beginning. I hope that all my friends will enjoy a healthy, friendly &loving new year.


Cruisin Paul


Saturday, December 23, 2023



Well my friends, it's nearly Christmas Eve. I've had both of my eyes down and I'm feeling a little different. Maybe after the new year things can be back to normal. 

Enjoy Christmas Day with your love ones. See you soon.


Cruisin Paul


Monday, December 11, 2023

Well this week, Wednesday at 9:30 I'll be having my left eye operated on. My right eye is good now. My entire home is finally finished decorated for Christmas. My wife went to Chatham and built a beautiful large snowflake with lights and it is now outside on the window. Beautiful.



Cryptic Christmas Card

A man sent his friend a cryptic Christmas card. It said: A B C D E F G H I J
K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z. The recipient puzzled over it for weeks,
finally gave up and wrote asking for an explanation. In July he received the
explanation on a postcard:
" No L . "


 As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped:  
"Didn't You Get My E-Mail?"




No Room In The Inn?

A boy wanted to be Joseph in the Sunday School pageant. He was cast as the landlord and objected loudly, but to no avail. When the pageant was presented, Mary and Joseph knocked on the door and asked him if he had a room for them. The boy smiled and said, 
" Yes, Sure, Lots of room. Come on in!


God's Not Deaf

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents' house the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers. The younger one began praying at the top of his lungs:


His older brother leaned over, nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting? God isn't deaf." to which the little brother replied, " No, but Grandma is. "




 Cruisin Paul


Friday, November 24, 2023

Hello friends. I'm in a Christmas mood. Unfortunately I have to pause that mood because tomorrow I have to go to a memorial for my friend Alan Merritt. He passed away after some time because of Parkinson's. I have been asked to speak at the memorial tomorrow. I met Al when I was 15 years  old and he 20. He spent some time working and learning with my father at the quarry. Eventually Al became an engineer and worked throughout the world. He eventually settled down at Amherstburg where him & I became very good friends.

                RIP my friend.


Christmas Joke: There's A Fly In My Champagne.

A multinational company held a reception to celebrate Christmas. The waiter gave each guest a glass of Champagne, but on inspection each guest noticed that their glass contained a fly.

The Swede asked for new Champagne in the same glass.

The Englishman demanded to have new Champagne in a new glass.

The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the Champagne.

The Russian drank the Champagne, fly and all.

The Chinese ate the fly but left the Champagne.

The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese.

The Italian drank two thirds of the Champagne and then demanded to have a new glass.

The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish.

The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the Champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman.

The American sued the restaurant and claimed $50 million in compensation.

The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted: “Now spit out all that you swallowed!”



 Boy's Truthful Prayer for The Christmas Meal.

Lee, A seven-year-old boy, was asked to say thanks for the Christmas dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. Lee  began his prayer, thanking God for his Mommy, Daddy, brothers, sister, Grandma, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food.

He gave thanks for the turkey, the stuffing, the Christmas pudding, even the cranberry sauce. Then lee paused, and everyone waited … and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, If I thank God for the Brussel sprouts, won't God know that I'm lying? "


Cruisin Paul

Saturday, November 11, 2023

You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why, Santa Claus is coming to town........

 As you can see, I'm very excited about the Christmas time. Next week I start decorating for Christmas. I know, I know it might be a little early but the heck I love this time of the year.



 Dead On Christmas Eve

Three men die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven where they met St. Peter. " In order to get in," he tells them, " you must each produce something represents of the holidays

The first man digs into his pocket and pulls out a match and lights it. " This represents a candle of hope." Impressed, Peter lets him in.

  The second man pulls out a tangle of keys and shakes them. " These are bells. " He's allowed in also.

 " So , " Peter says to the third man, What do you have for me "

 The third man proudly shows him a pair of red panties.

 " What do these have to do with Christmas? " asks St. Peter.

" They're Carol's. 



What's the difference between a Christmas tree and a man?

  A Christmas tree will stay up for 12 nights, has cute balls and looks good with the lights on.


Santa comes down a chimney one Christmas Eve and to his surprise finds a gorgeous blonde waiting for him, wearing sexiest lingerie imaginable

 " Santa, " she purrs, " Can you stay for awhile? "

 Santa says, " Ho, ho, ho! I've got to go! Have to deliver toys to the children, you know.

   She comes close, starts playing with his beard, whispers in his ear, " Santa, don't you have a gift you would like to give to me? "

 Santa says, " Ho, ho, ho! I've got to go! Have to spread Christmas cheer you know. "

 The blonde takes off her straps, giving Santa a view of her beautiful breasts and says, Santa, are you sure there's no gift you'd like to leave me? "

 Santa says, " Hey,hey, hey, might as well stay, I can't get up this chimney now this way. "






Cruisin Paul





Thursday, November 2, 2023

Well Halloween is now finished and Christmas time is near but just before the American Thanksgiving. I love Christmas time. I told my wife to bring up my Christmas tree on November 15th. She said, " are you crazy?" I told her  " Merry Christmas dear ".

     This is the tree I put up last year.


 What's the secret to having a smoking hot body as a senior?

                                 " Cremation "


I used to know a couple who grew fruit trees together.

                " They lived to a ripe old age " 


Age is an issue of mind over matter. 

" If you don't mind getting older, then it really doesn't matter "


Husbands are like lawn mowers. 

" They're hard to get started, emit foul odors and don't work half the time. "

           ( My wife really loved this one. )





Cruisin Paul


Monday, October 23, 2023

Welcome friends. In a few days, the last day of October will be Halloween. Those little ghouls will be arriving to your doors wanting to get some candy. Trick or Treat.

I had to go back to the eye specialist because the surgery on my right eye is still having some problems. For the next six weeks I need to put these drops for many days. What a pain.


How is life like toilet paper?

" You're either on a roll or taking shit from someone. "


What do you call a useless piece of skin on a penis?

" A Man. "  


What's the difference between a G - spot and a clitoris?

" Men don't care. " 


What's the difference between a G - spot and a golf ball.?

"A man will actually search for a golf ball. " 


Why is a one night stand with a man like a snowstorm? 

" You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last. "




Cruisin Paul



Monday, October 9, 2023

Good morning everyone or whomever sees my blog. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone in Canada. My American friends you also but your Thanksgiving will be next November. It's cold right now, it's windy and a little rainy a little. Tomorrow I go get my massage and the next day after I go back to Dr. Lara, my eye doctor again. I have to go outside to cover my birdbath for the winter & the AC machine also. Halloween is coming soon. 

What do ya call a scary movie about your zodiac sign?

A horrorscope. 


Son: Dad, this movie is so scary.... Is this woman going to die?

Dad: Judging by the size of the horse's penis, she going to die. 


My mom told me that if I watched scary movies, the monster would come out of the TV and haunt the house.

So I only watched them at my friends' house. 



What's comforting and scary at the same time?

A warm toilet seat.


How does a monster watch a scary movie?

It goes to a screaming service. 




Cruisin Paul