Gooooooooo Morning everyone. This December morning has rain falling down, not snow and it's suppose to be in the middle 60's. It will be Christmas in two weeks and this is the weather. Oh my goodness.
«¤»§«¤»«¤»§«¤»«¤»§«¤»«¤»§«¤»«¤»§«¤» One day about a month ago, President Reagan was looking for a call girl. He found three such ladies in a local lounge--a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. To the blonde he said, "I am the President of the United States. How much would it cost me to spend some time with you?" She replied, "$200." To the brunette he made a similar proposition. Her reply was "$200." He made the same offer to the redhead. Her reply was:"Mr. President, if you can raise my skirt as high as my taxes, get my panties as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as the times, keep it as high as the gas prices, keep me warmer than my apartment, and screw me the way you do the public, believe me, Mr. President, it ain't gonna cost you a damn cent..."
«¤»§«¤»«¤»§«¤»«¤»§«¤»«¤»§«¤»«¤»§«¤» A redhead accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly. make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" "You're going to die," she replied.
A blonde, a brunettes and a redhead all tried out for the same job painting road stripes. The boss told them they would all work for three days and whoever painted the most would get the job. At the end of the first day the redhead had painted 3 miles, the brunette had painted 2.5 miles and the blonde had painted 10 miles. The boss was so exited he told her to keep it up and the job was hers. The next day the redhead painted 5 miles, the brunette 5.6 miles and the blonde 4 miles. The boss told her not to worry, "You still have a good lead. So, on the third day the redhead had painted 6 miles, the brunette 5 miles and the blonde only one mile. The boss was so disappointed, he asked the blonde, "What went wrong, you were doing so good." She said, "Well, that bucket of paint keeps getting further and further away."
Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early every day, so one day they decide that after she leaves, they'll take off early, too. After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is she to know? The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early. The redhead is elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date. The blonde is also very happy to be home early, but as she goes upstairs she hears noises coming from her bedroom. She quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, she closes the door and creeps out of her house. The next day the brunette and redhead talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early also, she exclaims,"NO WAY! I almost got caught yesterday!"
Wow, only 46 days until your next cruise. Maybe we'll have snow here by then. LOL I'm actually loving the mild-so-far winter after our last two ball busters.ReplyDelete
My husband and I got to the point where we'd each take $100 and buy our own presents on a shopping trip together. It was more fun that way. Then we quit doing even that and each got to pick a charity or two to donate the money to instead of buying ourselves gifts.
I loved all the jokes. Too funny. I especially loved the blonde painter. Bless her heart.ReplyDelete
Hubby and I don't buy each other gifts for Christmas anymore. Just quit doing it and we don't miss it one bit. We do so many other things throughout the year.
Have a fabulous day my friend. ☺
LOL @ the jokesReplyDelete
My pet hate at Christmas is writing cards out it's sooooo monotonous the when you think you have finished you get cards off people you forgot LOL apart from that I like Christmas...honest.
I think your doing the right thing letting her pick her own presents heheh!
Have a warmtastic day Paul :-)
I am laughing so hard about the boobs appearing, Paul! LOL! :)ReplyDelete
Fun stuff, as usual, and you are smart to let your wife just get her own things and you wrap them.ReplyDelete
Those jokes are great. Boobs appearing...haha. So true, for that age.ReplyDelete
Good shopping plan, you smart man.
Big hugs, honey...