Sunny, Cool, Saturday

Good wonderful Saturday morning everyone. I went golfing yesterday and I enjoyed it but coming off the 16 th green an walking to the cart I fell hard on my left side. I was able to complete the match but this morning I'm very sore. It's hard breathing. When I fell I didn't hear a crack so I didn't break a rib or ribs but just very sore. As I said it is hard breathing. I'm trying not to sneeze. Oh well, I'll probably continue falling. Rick & Gerry were so scared I had to calm them down. LOL. I told Rick that that was my birthday fall because on Monday I turn to 69 years old. That got him laughing and me. 69, I made it.

This is the Cayman Island, Georgetown. Unfortunately they don't a pier and people have to be tendered from their ships. It's a pain but the only way if you want to go onto the island.

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Little Margaret was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Margaret, who created the universe?" When Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
“God Almighty!" shouted Margaret and the Nun said "Very good" and Margaret fell back asleep.
A while later the Nun asked Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"
But, Margaret didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, little Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
"Jesus Christ!" shouted Margaret and the Nun said, "Very Good" and Margaret fell back asleep.
Then the Nun asked Margaret a third question: "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" Again Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The Nun fainted.

Three nuns passed away and when they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter was there to greet them. St. Peter said to the nuns "Before you can enter you each have to answer one question correctly."

So, St. Peter goes to the first nun and asked "Who was the first man God had created".

The first nun looked at St. Peter and said "Oh, that's easy, Adam"..

The trumpets sounded, the gates open and St. Peter said "You may enter".

Then St. Peter goes to the second nun and asked "Who was the first woman God had created".

The second nun looks at St. Peter and said "Oh, that's easy, Eve".

The trumpets sounded, the gates open and St. Peter said "You may enter".

Then St. Peter goes to the third nun and asked "What were the first words Eve said to Adam".

The third woman starts thinking then looked at St. Peter and said "Oh, that's a hard one".

The trumpets sounded, the gates open and St. Peter said "You may enter"..

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his career path, so they decided to do a small test.

They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren't at home.

The father told the mother, "If he takes the money, he will be a businessman; if he takes the Bible, he will be a priest; but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."

So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously, peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home.

He saw the note they had left, saying they'd be home later. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality, then he left for his room carrying all the three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said, "Damn! It's even worse than I ever imagined..."

"What do you mean?" his wife inquired.

"He's gonna be a politician." the father replied.

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Well that's about it for today my friends If any one of you are Catholic and are upset about this just remember that I'm Catholic and I can laugh being a Catholic.Boy can I laugh.

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                                   " SEE YA "


Cruisin Paul

 

Very Wet Tuesday

Good morning friends. I has been raining since last evening and I totally water logged. My wife is at Nicole's home early this morning putting our grandchildren on their school bus. Nicole needed to be at her work, " Families First Funeral Home" Yes, my daughter works at a funeral home and she loves it. I wonder if I can get a deal when the time comes? LOL

This is St. Maarten, a wonderful port to visit. Unfortunately it was hit by a hurricane last year and it is just starting to get back to normal. Here is a couple amazing shots of this port.

This January I taking a 10 day cruise and St. Maarten will be one of the ports. I want to check out how they are doing after the hurricane.

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It's 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in. He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date. Bobby politely responds that they'll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it." Bobby is shocked. "Excuse me, sir?" "Oh yes, Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her." Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl. “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks. "It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.". "What?" asks the priest, "what happened?". "You gave birth to a child!". "But that's impossible!" says the priest. "I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "It's a miracle! Here's your baby." About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies, "I am your mother, the archbishop is your father."

An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol. “Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” the officer said. The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?” “He said you were speeding!” the old man yelled. The patrolman then asked, “May I see your license?” The woman turned to her husband again, “What did he say?” The old man yelled back, “He wants to see your license!” The woman then gave the officer her license. “I see you are from Arkansas,” the patrolman said. “I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.” The woman turned to her husband again and asked, “What did he say?” The old man replied, “He said he knows you!

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Well that's about it for today. Enjoy your day. 

                                                 " SEE YA "
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Cruisin Paul

Rainy Day Thursday

Good morning friends. I woke up this morning to rain and more rain. Here is your photo morning on a cruise.

We have arrived on Willemstad, Curacao, one of the ABC islands. If you live in Curacao, your homes will look like.

We have been in Curacao twice and hopefully we will be on this island again.

I've been watching John Heald's blog and he's been showing many videos while he was on the Carnival Vista. I have been on the Vista and it was a wonderful ship. 

This was when we were on Grand Turk another island that I enjoyed a great deal ( we have been here 5 times ).
Now John will be on Vista's sister ship called the Horizon. 

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There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's the matter?" The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend." The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey. The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?" The man says, "I found out that my son is gay." The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey. Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?" The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does."

A lady walks into a bar and sees a really cute guy sitting at the counter. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. "Magic Beer", he says She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after that there is no one else worth talking to,goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,"That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?" "Yes, I'll show you." He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window,flies around the building 3 times and comes back in the window. The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again." He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window. She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having." She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies. The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, you're a real asshole when you're drunk, Superman!"

Guy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs. Guy: Do they swell? Girl: No. They spread.

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"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man. "Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend. "I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."

I'm just sitting here on the toilet

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there?" he yells. "You're scaring my customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."
With that, the bartender  looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

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Well, that's about it for the day. I hope that you all have a wonderful Thursday. 

                                                " SEE YA " 

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Cruisin Paul

  

Foggy Saturday

Good morning everyone. Looking outside my window, I can hardly see across to my neighbor's home. 
Yesterday I had my handy man Allan, whose very good, complete the tops of my fence. They were 25 years old and were bad. He'll be coming back in the Spring to finish  the rest of them.

This is the bustling port city of Castries is St. Lucia's capital. This was the very first cruise port that went to see. We were on the Carnival Legend.

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Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?" "Yeah," says the other cowboy.  "Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."  Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon." "Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what colour they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"  The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a donkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the donkey's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the donkey. "Your name is written inside the cover."

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks “Why in the world are you dressed like this?“ The Cowboy says, “Well it’s like this Sheriff… I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motorhome with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt . so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants…so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts… so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town, cowboy..' and here I am.” Son of a Gun, Blond men do exist.

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience.
On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each other’s bodies.
Things are going fine until the bride discovers her husband’s penis. “Oh my”, she says, “What is that?”
“Well, darlin”, the cowboy says, “That’s ma rope”.
She slides her hands further down and gasps.
“Oh my goodness. What’s them?” she asks.
“Honey, them’s my knots”, he answers.
Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes, the bride says, “Stop honey. Wait a minute”.
Her husband, panting a little, asks, “What’s the matter honey?
Am I hurting you?”
“No”, the bride replies. “Just undo them damn knots. I need more rope!”

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That's it for now partners. Enjoy your Saturday.

                           
                               " SEE YA "


Cruisin Paul

Sunny Wednesday

Good morning my wonderful blogger friends. This photo is St. Thomas USVI.

I've had a very busy morning. I was waiting for a man from Bell Telephone company to fix my phones. Early Monday morning we noticed that that the phone wasn't working so we called for assistance. We were told to check our phones is some were out. They then informed us that a man would come between 12:00 pm and 6:00pm. He comes at 6:15 and did some fiddlying around and said it now works and left. Half hour later it broke down and my wife called again and the people said the same words and that a worker would be around 5:oo and 9:00pm. Guess what? No one came. I then called Bell again and informed them in my words of love over the phone, You better get someone with knowledge to help or I will cancel my phone with Bell. Thye next morning a young guy came in, checked everyone of my phone jacks and he found the problem, checked everything and left. Thank God it now works or I might just blow my top.

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A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just incase this guy shows up again." The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door. The husband whisperes to the wife, "Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to a see where he's going with this." She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, "Do you have a Vagina?" "Yes I do." says the lady. The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!"

 
Little Mary is at her first wedding. When it’s over, she asks her mother, ‘Why did the lady change her mind?’ ‘What do you mean?’ asks mother. ‘Well,’ replies Mary. ‘She went down the aisle with one man and came back with another.’

A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."

 
I can remember where I got married. I can remember when I got married. I just can’t remember why.

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That's it for now my friends. I hope that have a great day.

" SEE YA "

Cruisin Paul                                                           

 

Cool, Rainy Saturday

Good morning friends. How have you all been doing this wonderful Saturday.

       This is the port in St. John's, Antigua

Yesterday I golfed with my friends Gerry and Rick. It was a great day for me. My 5 wood was hitting straight down the fairway and my putting which is good all the time was even better. On most of the greens I putted one time. Rick kept saying to me, " Who is crazy guy? " I really had a very enjoyable golf day. The only problem is when I got home, my body was very sore and tired. I guess I'm getting very old. LOL

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A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not
been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant
about all the new technology. A technician followed her
onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking
machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate
to be hooked up to that thing," she said.
"So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning
machine."

Inquiry

A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I can, what's the name and room number?"

The old laday in her weak voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, "Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday."

The old lady said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you!"

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me sh*t."

 

In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs."

The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs,".

And men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full. Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."

All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"

 

 

 

 A man lying on a nude beach noticed a little girl eyeballing his private bits as she approached, so he covered them with a newspaper.

When the little girl was close enough, she asked the man what he was hiding under the newspaper, to which he replied, "it's just my little bird."

The little girl asked if she could see the little bird, to which the man replied that she could not, because it was resting.

The man eventually fell asleep, forgetting about the incident.

A while later, the man woke up in a hospital bed, in AGONY, and cried out, "what HAPPENED???"

Just then, the little girl stepped in and said, "I tried to play with your little bird, but it SPIT at me, so I broke its neck, crushed its eggs, and burned its nest..."


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Well that's it for now. I have to watch some golf on TV right now. Yes, I know but I a golf fanatic. Enjoy your day everyone.

                                 " SEE YA "

CruisinPaul