Tomorrow my wife & I are going to see my Aunt Mary who is in the Amherstburg Nursing Home. Aunt Mary is my mother's sister and she's 85 years old and has Alzheimer's disease.
On Tuesday I plan on going to the range and see if I can hit some golf balls, Steveo my friend from London I said golf balls. LOL
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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
A elderly retiree wobbled gingerly into an ice cream shoppe and carefully, slowly climbed up onto a counter stool. He wheezed for a minute, then ordered a chocolate sundae. “Crushed nuts?” asked the server. “No,” he answered. “Bad knees.”
Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex:
- You can GET chocolate.
- Chocolate satisfies even when it's gone soft.
- You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
- You can have chocolate in in public.
- If you bite the nuts, the chocolate won't mind.
- The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
- You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
- No need to fake your enjoyment of chocolate.
- Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
- You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
- You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
- Size doesn't matter - though more is still better.
An old man and a young man work together in an office.
The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man
really loves peanuts.
One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields
to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When
the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his
crime.
"Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies.
"Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the
M&M's."
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" See Ya For Now "
Cruisin Paul
Hope you have a nice time golfing, and a good visit with Aunt Mary.
ReplyDeleteThanks to whoever sits around and thinks of these funnies, and thanks to you for posting them!
It makes me happy knowing that you enjoy the laughs Mimi.
DeleteWe've had lots of rain here. Days and days of rain. They say one more rainy day and then on day of partly cloudy and then it's going to rain again.
ReplyDeleteLove all the jokes. The M&M one was my favorite.
Have a fabulous day, Paul. ☺
This rain is amazing. I better built an ark or buy a large old boat or live on a cruise ship for ever.
DeleteOver here we have both sun and rain. To explain what is "chee cheong fun" mentioned in my blog post, you can watch this youtube video to get an idea - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbNkFsXQRkM
ReplyDeleteThamks Nancy. I'll check it out.
DeleteAs always, love the jokes. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteThanks Gene for taking the time to get to my blog.
DeleteHave fun hitting the golf balls. Got that Steve? I knew you would.
ReplyDeleteLove all the funnies and especially the M&Ms one. Yuk.
Have fabulous day, Paul. 😎