End Of July Monday

Good morning my good friends. I hope that you had a wonderful weekend. Now it's Monday and the beginning  of a new week. I need a vacation, any place. I just want to get out of Amherstburg. Do any of you planning of having a vacation soon? 

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A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator." Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn’t wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn’t suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don’t fit into anymore. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, "Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t use anymore?" "And so, here we are!"

A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the damn ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," says his partner. "You'll never hit her from here."

One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says “Oh just a beer”. The bartender asked the man “Whats wrong,why are you so down today?”. The man said “My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she would’nt talk to me for a month”. The bartender said “So whats wrong with that”? The man siad “Well the month is up tonight”.

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                " SEE YA MY FRIENDS "


Cruisin Paul

Wednesday, Nice Weather

Another interesting day here in Amherstburg, Ontario, Canada. Yes, I'm a Canuck if you haven't known yet. 
This was an different week so far. I went to see Dr. Pearce, a specialist for vascular problems. Where back I had a small bump on my big toe and it started to grow. It was purple with a dot on the top. I went to see my doctor and he said he was sending me to a specialist because he said it doesn't look good. What do you mean, it doesn't look good I said. He said, well it good mean nothing but it could mean cancer. I went to see Dr. Pearce at Hotel Dieu and he said it looks like a cyst. I'll see you at my office on July 22 and then will arrange to have it taken off. It took me almost an hour to find his office. Thank God because I needed to pee. Sorry about that. When I saw him it took about 5 minutes to tell me that first I would need an Ultrasound on my leg. He said my right leg looks different so first I needed that. I asked him when would I have the bump taken out and the secretary told me Friday, October 18th 2019 at 8:45am. What? It would take 8 months since I went to see my doctor about this darn bump. I'm shocked what people have to deal with doctors today. Those that have real serious situations worry and worry about things. Oh well, thank God that it was just a cyst.

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Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark." 

A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money." The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said, "You cannot do this, I'm a congressman!" The thief replied, "In that case, give me MY money!"  

My American friends, I'm not attacking the Statue of Liberty. I respect her. My father came over from Italy and the freedom that she shows is the respect I have. It's just a Global Warming joke.


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Three doctors are discussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.'' Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.'' Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They’re gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear-ends are interchangeable.'' 

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"  

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" "A doctor." "And why's that?" "Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill." 

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                      " See Ya My Friends. "


Cruisin Paul

 

Dangerous Hrat Thurday

Good morning friends. Well I won't have to mention about the heat because throughout the US and hear in Amherstburg we are having and will continue to deal with dangerous heat for 4 days. When I was young hot heat didn't brother me but now that I'm near 70 years of age, it's really getting to me. Please be very careful the next 4 days. I'll be in my AC home here I belong. I have to go and have a pedicure but the AC will be on when I drive my Camero and in the after noon we need to see our money person in Windsor which will have their AC on, so I'll be OK.

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A son is
calling his mom from college, and
telling her that he had just got his
degree. The mother says:
That's great honey! What kind of degree? And the
son, almost squealing
with excitement says: The best one ever, a
Celsius degree!  

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A college friend was going to meet a young
lady he new.
"An old flame? I asked.
He winked and said, "More like
an unlit match." 

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The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for
all male students, so too
the male dormitory to the female
students. Anybody caught breaking this
rule will be fined $20 the first
time. Anybody caught breaking this
rule the second time will be fined
$60. Being caught a third time will
incur a hefty fine of $180. Are
there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd
inquires, "Er... How much for a
season pass?"

What's the difference between an American
student and
an English student ?
About 3000 miles !  

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Soderling, the star college halfback, was

taking a math exam.

The coach desperately needed him to play in
the Syracuse game on
Saturday, so the professor agreed to give him
an oral exam.

"All right," said the prof. "How many degrees are
there in a
circle?"

"Uh, depends," said the boy. "How big
is that there circle?" 

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              " SEE YA FRIENDS AND PLEASE BE SAFE "


CRUISIN PAUL

A Very Hot And Sweaty Sunday

Good morning my friends and I'm happy saying friends. It has been very hot around here lately. They keep saying rain but no rain. Since we decided to sell and try to find a new place, now I've been looking around and trying to get rid of much of things that have been around. That's easy for me but everytime I try to throw things out my wife says wait a minute, I'll check first. It drives me nuts. LOL I know what I'll do, when she out I'll throw stuff away. What do you think? Ha,ha,ha.

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A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, "What for?" The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently. The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle." The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?" 

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A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done." She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees. After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The bastard used coins, so I'm still picking it up and he is still having sex with me!"  

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A doctor reaches into his smock to get a pen to write a prescription and pulls out a rectal thermometer. "Oh, damn it," he proclaims, "Some asshole has my pen!" 

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                                               " See ya "

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Cruisin Paul

Hump Day Wednesday

Good Hump Day Wednesday my wonderful friends. Well, we've, my wife & I have decided to sell our house and find a smaller one. Climbing the stairs have created a problem for me and that's it. I'm tired and scared that I might fall. I've fallen enough. The last fall has created a fear that I can't even swing a golf club with even falling. Enough is enough. Now the other problem we have is trying to get rid of all junk we have built up 28 years in this home. I'll start today.

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“Sugar why don’t you sit down by the table and we’ll start supper.” Said Dorothy to her Husband of 50 years. “Sure thing,” said her husband settling himself down. “Now darling, would you like the soup first or the salad?” Questioned Dorothy. “Umm I guess I’ll take the soup.” He responded. After a whole meal of one endearing term after another, their guest Bob couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer. Bob snuck into the kitchen and asked, “Dorothy do you always talk to your husband like that?” “Bob, I’ll be honest with you,” Dorothy replied. “It’s been five years now, I just can’t remember his name, and I am just too embarrassed to ask him!”

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All The Benefits

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive after dark!"

 

Let me think for a second

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex."
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."

"Will I Live To 80?"

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him," Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco or drink beer or wine?" "Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either." Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said, "No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy."
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" "No, I don't," I said.
He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" "No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."
He looked at me and said, "Then why do you want to live to 80."

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   " See Ya My Friends Until The Next Day "

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Cruisin Paul

  

Beautiful, Hot, Sunny Saturday

Hi there friends. After we all enjoyed our holidays, now we can just sit and enjoy the rest of summer. 
I'm trying to find out and small vacation place for my wife & I. She wants to go to a cottage. I tried it out last year and it didn't work out. I told her to find a place and let me know and we'll go.

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A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception.
She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, “Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these.”
The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.
I’ll give you a hint,” said the teacher.
“It’s something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time.”
Instantly, Little Johnny coughed his onto the floor and shouted, “Quick!
Spit’em out!
They’re assholes!”

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Little Johnny walks a cow through the village square.
The mayor sees him and asks, “Hey Johnny, where are you going with the cow?”
“I’m taking her to the bulls so she would get pregnant,” answers Johnny.
The mayor is shocked, “Surely your father had better be doing that?”
Little Johnny thinks about it for a bit and shakes his head, “Nah, I think it’s really best left with the bulls.”

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Boss: *Shouting* “Little Johnny come to my office right now…”
Little Johnny: “Yes sir”!
Boss : “Little Johnny, I saw you arguing with the customer that just left. I have told you before that the customer is always right. Do you understand me?”
Little Johnny: “Yes sir!, the customer is always right”.
Boss : “So what were you arguing about with that customer?”
Little Johnny: “He said my boss is stupid and an idiot sir”!
Boss: “That bustard. What did u say to him?”
Little Johnny: “I told him he’s right.”

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     " See Ya Friends Until The Next Time "


Cruisin Paul

U.S.A

Good morning my friends all around the world. Today is the 4th of July, Independence Day in the United States. To show you my respect for the country across the Detroit River from me, ( Michigan ), my blog today is for them.

Have a great holiday my friends.


Cruisin Paul

CANADA

 

 

 

Good morning Friends, this special day for Canada. 

Cruisin Paul