Eleven more days and I fly to Fort Lauderdale to pick up cruising ship. I leave this snowy place and end up arriving eventually in a sunny, warm place. Horray!
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A lady goes to the baron a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.
As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.'
The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me..'
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would Like to buy you a drink, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming up,' says the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to Buy you one, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming right up,' the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why The Scotch with only two drops of water?'
The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me..'
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would Like to buy you a drink, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming up,' says the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to Buy you one, too.'
The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'
'Coming right up,' the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why The Scotch with only two drops of water?'
The old woman replies, " Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue."
On a Cruise Ship
A man is standing on deck, idly
watching the water. On a nearby island, he spots somebody. He strains
his eyes to see, and can make out that it is a very thin, dirty looking
man with wild hair. He watches him jump up and down, wave, run along the
beach and can even faintly make out that he man is yelling at the top of his lungs.
Intrigued, the Tourist turns to the Captain, who is standing nearby:
"So, what is up with that guy?"
The Captain shrugs.
" I dunno. He's always this happy when we sail by. I just wave back to him and smile."
Intrigued, the Tourist turns to the Captain, who is standing nearby:
"So, what is up with that guy?"
The Captain shrugs.
" I dunno. He's always this happy when we sail by. I just wave back to him and smile."
An Irish cruise ship is headed back
from the Bahamas on its last night at sea. Right around dinner time, the
captain gets on the loudspeaker.
“This is your captain speaking. There has been a mix up in our supply. While there are 1,000 passengers on board, we only have 750 meals for you all tonight. However, we do have an excess of booze, so anyone who is willing to give up their meal for tonight will receive free drinks for the rest of the cruise”
Two hours later, the captain gets on the loudspeaker again.
“This is your captain speaking. There has been a mix up in our supply. While there are 1,000 passengers on board, we only have 750 meals for you all tonight. However, we do have an excess of booze, so anyone who is willing to give up their meal for tonight will receive free drinks for the rest of the cruise”
Two hours later, the captain gets on the loudspeaker again.
" Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize but it appears we have run out of booze. On the upside we still have 750 delicious meals for you to enjoy!"
A cruise ship wrecks in the middle of the ocean.
The only three survivors are tourists
from different areas of the United States. A man from Georgia, a man
from Florida and a man from Hawaii. They float on a raft until they hit
an island where they’re met by a tribe of fierce locals who despise
outsiders. A member of tribe offers to translate for them so the chief can decide their fate.
The men are brought before a large clearing at the edge of the village where the chief begins his sentencing. “In the field behind me our ancestors have grown all the fruit known to man. You are you to walk the field and pick your favorite fruit then return it to me”
The men think wow this is a very simple punishment. “We shall gather the fruits of our native states to show the chief we miss home and just want to go back” says the man from Hawaii. The other two agree and all three set off into the field. Around 5 minutes later the man from Georgia appeared from the field and approached the chief holding a peach. “Chief I bring to you my native fruit. A gesture that I simply wish to return home” The chief with a smile tells the man to insert the fruit into his rectum and he will be given a canoe and allowed to leave. If he fails to insert the fruit he will be beheaded on the spot.
Instantly the man stuffs the Peach into his rectum just before the man from Florida returns holding an orange. As the Florida man approaches he tells the chief “I have brought you the fruit from my native home simply to show you I miss home and would love to go back”. Again the chief explains the process and the man begins to hastily stuff the Orange in his rectum.
As he gets his pants down and puts the orange in his rectum he begins to laugh. Soon after the first man begins to laugh hysterically as well. Within 30 seconds both men are in tears from laughter. The chief asks the translator what these men are laughing at to which the translator says
“They said the man from Hawaii is looking for the Pineapples. "
The men are brought before a large clearing at the edge of the village where the chief begins his sentencing. “In the field behind me our ancestors have grown all the fruit known to man. You are you to walk the field and pick your favorite fruit then return it to me”
The men think wow this is a very simple punishment. “We shall gather the fruits of our native states to show the chief we miss home and just want to go back” says the man from Hawaii. The other two agree and all three set off into the field. Around 5 minutes later the man from Georgia appeared from the field and approached the chief holding a peach. “Chief I bring to you my native fruit. A gesture that I simply wish to return home” The chief with a smile tells the man to insert the fruit into his rectum and he will be given a canoe and allowed to leave. If he fails to insert the fruit he will be beheaded on the spot.
Instantly the man stuffs the Peach into his rectum just before the man from Florida returns holding an orange. As the Florida man approaches he tells the chief “I have brought you the fruit from my native home simply to show you I miss home and would love to go back”. Again the chief explains the process and the man begins to hastily stuff the Orange in his rectum.
As he gets his pants down and puts the orange in his rectum he begins to laugh. Soon after the first man begins to laugh hysterically as well. Within 30 seconds both men are in tears from laughter. The chief asks the translator what these men are laughing at to which the translator says
“They said the man from Hawaii is looking for the Pineapples. "
" See Ya Onboard My Friends. "
Cruisin Paul
Cruisin Paul
Cruisin MaryLou
Looks like you'll be escaping the snow none too soon. I hope that fob works for you; it has been an ordeal.
ReplyDeleteRhonda, I'm already packing and ready to go. As far as the fob, will see in April when I put my Camero back on the road. Thanks my friend.
DeleteHooray for cruising! Thanks for the laughs.
ReplyDeleteHooray for cruising. You are totally correct Mimi. See ya.
DeleteWe have not has snow where I live since 1960 and I don't miss it. However January has a lot of fog and 50 degree weather so a cruise sounds delightful.
ReplyDelete1960, oh my goodness. I've noticed that with climate change the snow we use to have is no longer there. We've had a warmer winter lately but I'm still going to go on my cruise.
DeleteGlad you enjoyed your massage Pauleo,
ReplyDeleteWe haven't had any snow yet this winter in London although it's now turned cold and windy
Not long to go now Pauleo hope you have everything all nearly ready
I liked the jokes too heheh!
Have a knickerlesstastic weekend :-)
Thank Steveo. We're getting a lot of rain this weekend but the day before we leave we are suppose to get snow. I hope a little of snow.
DeleteWishing you an enjoyable and relaxing cruise holiday. It rained the last 2 days to cool down the heat here.
ReplyDeleteThanks Nancy. We are finishing up our things for our luggage and I just waiting to go.
Delete