COLD, A VERY COLD WEDNESDAY

Hi there everyone. It's April 27th and last night it went down to 32 degrees. Can you believe it and the highest it will be is 51? Crazy. I hope it gets warmer because I'm going golfing on Friday, April 28th. Dear God.
This morning looking out in my backyard I saw two beautiful ducks trying to figure out, How did we get in to this yard. Later in the morning, I going to visit my Uncle Rocco. He's 86 years old and the only only one of my father's family. He's a very important person to me. After my father died, ( 16 years ago ) Uncle Rocco was the one who I went to to discuss things about problems I had. This Sunday, he and my aunt will be celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.  That will be 50 years during their celebration dinner that I took a bread roll and while cutting the roll, I also cut between my fingers. What blood and I had to be to taken to have stitches to close the opening. I went back to the celebration but I wasn't feeling well. We all remember that one and can laugh about now.

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"Mommy, where do babies come from?"

"Mommy, where do babies come from?" Mommy sighs, knowing this day would come so she sits her daughter down for a long talk about the birds and the bees. After Mommy has told her little girl all about the making of babies, the little girl is now silent for a while.

"You understand it now?" Mommy asks.

"Yes," replies her daughter.

"Do you still have any questions?"

"Yes, how about little kittens, how does that work?"

"In exactly the same way as with babies."

"Wow," the girl exclaims, "my daddy can do ANYTHING!"

 

 

Sleeping Arraignments

When a family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked the little five-year-old how he liked the new place.

"It's terrific," he said. "I have my own room, my brother has his own room, and my sister has her own room. But poor mom is still sleeping with dad."

 

 

Rosebuds and Hanging Baskets

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with a very shear blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to go out like that!

The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!" and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes downstairs and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate....

The grandmother says. "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."

Happy Gardening.

 

Oh how I love Granny! A very smart woman.

Why We Love Children!

On Nudity

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

 

More Nudity

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

 

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" SEE YA MY FRIENDS "

My first cruise 2007

Warm, Sunny Friday

Good morning friends. Sorry it has been so long writing this post. Usually I would have wrtten my blog on Tuesday but Gerry my golfing buddy took out golfing on Tuesday and boy was it cold at the beginning of the day. Eventually with the sun out, it was much easier to golf. The problem I had after golfing was the next day my entire body was in pain. I guess as I get older, playing 18 holes and swinging takes a toll out of my muscles. but I'm better and ready to golf again and write my post.
The music industry lost an icon yesterday and that being " Prince " . I did enjoy some of his songs. The music industry has lost some important people this year. 

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What is a cat’s way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.

What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.

Why is the cat so grouchy? Because he’s in a bad mewd.

What do cats like to eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.

Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can’t? Your lap.

Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark!

How many cats can you put into an empty box? Only one. After that, the box isn’t empty.

How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up.

What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone.

What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.

If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws.

What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!

Two Funny Cat Jokes

• Two female cats are sitting on the fence passing the time of day when a really handsome tomcat walks by and winks at them.
  
  'Oh darling, did you see that one?' one of the felines opines. 'I wouldn't mind sharing a dead mouse with him.'
  'Oh, forget about him,' her friend tells her. 'I went out with him once, and all he did was talk about his operation.'
• A tomcat was heard running up and down the alley for hours. A neighbour called his owner and asked what was happening. The owner said, 'Well, I had him fixed today, and he's going around cancelling all his engagements.' 

Greed

In front of the local butcher's, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realised with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery. It was, in fact, a collector's item.
He strolled into the store and offered two pounds for the cat. 'He's not for sale', said the butcher.
'Look', said the collector', that cat is dirty and scabby, but I'm an eccentric. I prefer cats that way. I'll raise my offer to ten pounds'.  'It's a deal', said the proprietor, and pocketed the ten immediately.
'For that amount of money I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer', said the connoisseur', 'The kitten seems so happy drinking from it.'
'I can't do that', said the butcher firmly, 'That's my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week, I've sold 18 cats.'

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I'm more of a dog person but I wanted to show that I do like cats but even more is that I love my friends because they love cats. Have a warm, sunny Friday everyone. 

 
                                                            " Purple Rain, Purple Rain "

                                                                        RIP Prince 

                                                                          SEE YA 
 

Beautiful Warm Saturday

I'm feeling wonderful. The sun has been out the last three days and will be there throughout the entire week. How wonderful. Of course because of this, I'm feeling great. My entire being feels fantastic. No sun gets me down but when it's there, I'm wonderful. I've been outside slowly doing some work around the house and there is still a lot to do. Gerry, my friend, ask me if I wanted to play some golf Sunday, just 9 holes but I had to say no. Yes I said no. It was so difficult saying that but I had to it because while doing some clean up around my basement, I messed up my knee and therefore, I can't swing my clubs. Hopefully this will go away and maybe soon I'll be able to get on the golf course soon. Oh hell!

A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his penis. Her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y.
Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning in Jamaica the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y tattoo on his penis.
The young man said to him “Oh is your girl named Wendy too?” The Jamaican replied, “No, Mr. that says Welcome to Jamaica Have a Nice Day”.

Going to prom

A student asks the crush of his dreams out to prom, and she said yes! So he plans out a list of to-do before the big dance.
First he goes to rent a tux, but there is a long tux line at the shop, he waits for 20 minutes.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits even longer but eventually gets the flowers.
Next he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets a very nice limo.
Lastly he goes to the barber and once again there is a long line but as he sits and waits he is just dreaming how his date will look, and within no time he gets his hair cut.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.

A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call, the drunk stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time, to the same result. He figured he'd crawl outside to get some fresh air, since maybe that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his house. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep the second his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning by his wife shouting, ‘So you've been out drinking again, have you?’
‘No! What makes you say that?’ he asked, putting on his best innocent expression.
‘The pub called... you forgot your wheelchair again.’ 

How To Get Out Of Your Next Speeding Ticket...

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove-box, and that there was a body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding too!

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Now that I'm finished with my blog, I'm going outside to get some of that wonderful sun and try to get some work done around the my place. Not heavy stuff, just small things that need to be done. I hope that you all do whatever you want to do today friends.

                                                                           " SEE YA " 

     Me, Captain of the Liberty & My wife

Bright Sunshine Wednesday

Good to see you again my friends. I really think that this wintry weather is now gone away from us. The bright sun has been out two mornings, it was in the 60's yesterday and after today it moves up from 60 to 65 then to 68 and then to 69 and after that, who knows. All I know is that I;m feeling much better since the sun has in upon us and it's been warmer. You know, I might soon be going to play some golf. Hot diggity dog.Tonight we are going to visit my friends Al & Meilin. It's been some time since we've played pool. They have been visiting Al's mother who had been in the hospital. She lives in Vancouver, BC and when they arrived home Al came down with a sickness so tonight will be the first time since they left.
I went out yesterday and rode around in my Bumble Bee Camero. It was so wonderful just feeling the enjoyment of riding in my zoom, zoom car. Life is good again.

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A young man, obviously of the upper class, was standing just outside the door of one of New York’s finest hotels, idly puffing at a cigarette, when he was approached by a man who was just as obviously of the laboring class.
The laborer said to the young man, “Hey, I’ll bet your father is rich.”
“Very rich,” said the upper-class fellow agreeably.
“And all your life, you’ve always had everything you want.”
“Just about.”
“And you’ve never done a single day’s work in your life.”
“I’m afraid that’s so.”
The laborer thought it over and said, “Well, you haven’t missed a thing.”

A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the various people mentioned in the will.
“To you, my loving wife Mary Lou, who stood by me throughout our marriage, I leave the house and two million.
“To my daughter, AmyLynn, who kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business, and one million.
“And to my brother Dan who hated me, argued with me constantly, and thought that I would never mention him in my will, well you are wrong. Hi, Dan!”

Everything looks better with a fresh coat of paint...

An eager, but less than bright, young entrepreneur decides to
go into the painting business. So he wanders into the rich part
of town, paint brush in hand, and knocks at the door of a
large house.
"Good day, sir. I was wondering if you had any painting you
need done."
The owner of the house, a rich man by any standard, looks
speculatively at the painter. He perceives a vibrant
entrepreneurial spirit, which reminds him of his own ambition
in his younger days.
"Hmmm. Yes, I think my porch needs a coat or two of paint."
The eager young painter rushes off around the side of the house...
Several hours later, he returns to the front door, his clothes
dripping paint, and knocks again.
"Sir, I've finished! But I have to tell you, that wasn't a porch, it
was a Ferarri."

Wealthy 60-year-old

Bob, an extremely wealthy 60-year-old, arrives at a country club with a beautiful and charming 25-year-old blonde.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"
Bob exclaims, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
His friends are shocked, but continue to ask, "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"
Bob replies, "I lied about my age."
His friends respond, "What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 40?"
Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."

 That's a blonde for you .

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Well that should be it for today. I hope that wherever you are at, that the sun in out shining bright, the temperature is in the 60's and even higher and that you are feeling so good just like me. Have a great Wednesday my friends.

 
                                                                       " SEE YA "

Still Snowing Sunday. Yuck!!!!!

I know that I'm been lazy lately my friends. It's just so hard getting up and writing anything lately. I know, I know, get up off of your ass Paul. I hope that once the weather improves, I'll improve. Mary Lou keeps telling me to start exercising and I say yes I will, soon but you know what happens? I'm lazy again. Any help?
It's the Master's and how wonderful watching these wonderful golfers showing their ability but so far the weather is winning. The winds are not treating these golfers well but it's still fun seeing these pros golf like people like me. Ernie El on No 1 had a 10 on a par 4 and putted 6 times in a space of 2 feet. I even know that I can putt better. Of course I don't have thousands of people watching me.
Today is the end of the tournament and I'll be watching. Will you?
 By the way, one of these new golfers even named his golf clubs. Take a look at this.

                                   Juniper, Arnie, Ward, Azalea, Gamma, Jackie and so on.
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Living Dead

A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually still alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "WATCH OUT FOR THAT WALL!"

Buried in a Blue Suit

An old lady is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she starts crying.
One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this sombre moment. Through her tears she explains that she is upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.
The undertaker apologises and explains that traditionally, they always put the bodies in a black suit but he'd see what he could arrange.
The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral. When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she manages to smile through her tears as Albert is resplendent in a smart blue suit.
She says to the undertaker "Wonderful,wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?".
"Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband's size was brought in & he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit," the undertaker replied.
The wife smiled at the undertaker through her tears...
He continued, "After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads

Elaborate Funeral

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral.
A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. There wasn't a dry eye in the audience.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.
When confronted later, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral... I'm a gynecologist."
At that point, the proctologist fainted.

                           

Couldn't you find someone

A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium - he's closer to the Goodyear blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field, right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man says no.

Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at  the Super Bowl and not use it?"

The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been at together  since we got married in 1967."

"Well, that's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or close friend?"

"No," the man replies, "they're all at the funeral.

 

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My wife can't wait to get outside and cut the grass. I'm a lucky man I would say. Have a wonderful Sunday everyone and if it's warm where you at, enjoy it because it's still very cold in Amherstburg, Ontario, Canada. the most southern part of Canada.

 

                                                                          " SEE YA. "