September Is Coming.

It's been crazy around here. I finally went to see my doctor for after almost 3 years. I noticed that this hair was white. It took me a month to see him and after that time he just told me to go and have an x-ray and he'll see me in a month because he was going on a vacation. I went to have the x-ray and went I went to the place there was sign saying out until next week, on vacation.

My eye doctor told me that I would have to see a specialist because something about the pigments in my eye, the pressure in the back of my eyes and check on my cataracts. She said after two weeks if the specialist didn't call, call her back which I did. She said they would call the specialist but guess what? It's been over a week and no body called. This world is crazy. No body really cares.

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A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard.

The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."

 

Got the idea?

 

An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery. The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman: “That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn’t even see me.”

“That’s just simple thievery,” the Irishman replied. “I’ll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results.”

The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says: “Sir, I want to show you a magic trick.” The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.

The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked two more times and after eating them again the owner says: “Okay my friend, where’s the magic trick?”


The Irishman then said: “Look in the Englishman’s pockets.”

 

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Cruisin Paul

 

I love The Rain.

Good morning everyone. I woke up to thunder & lightning and rain. My lawn really needed a drank. Yesterday Mary Lou had a Garage sale, well most of our area had this Garage Sale. Unfortunately after lunch we had a thunderstorm and that was ir for the Garage Sale. Four more days to see my doctor. Guess what? This pain on my right side hasn't gone away. Today Mary Lou is going to make bread and me, Properly reading my book and then later in the afternoon, watching golf.

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a Cucumber, a Pickle, and a Penis.

There is a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis. They are complaining about their lives. The cucumber says, “My life sucks. I’m put in salads, and to top it off, they put ranch on me as well. My life sucks.” The pickle says, “That’s nothing compared to my life. I’m put in vinegar and stored away. Boy my life boring. I hate life.” The penis says, “Why are you guys complaining? My life is so messed up that I feel like shooting myself. They put me in a plastic bag, put me in a cave, and make me do push-ups until I throw up.”

 

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Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

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  What's worse than raining cats & dogs?

Hailing a taxi. 

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A man goes to confession

Man: Forgive me father for what I have sinned.


Father: What did you do my child?


Man: I went to my sister in law's home. Just when I was leaving, it started raining and I had to stay there. We slept together.


Father: Pray to god my son for he is merciful.


Man: The day after that, I went to see my mother in law. Just when I was leaving, it started raining and I had to stay there. We slept together.


Father: Pray to god my son for he is merciful.


Man: Yesterday, I went to see my brother in law. Just when I was leaving, it started raining and I had to stay there. We slept together.


Upon hearing that, Father looks out from the window and says:


The weather looks cloudy. Get the heck out of my confessional before it starts raining.

 

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A man was having an affair with a married woman.

The man had a romantic evening at her place and were about to have sex. Suddenly there is a knock at the door.

The woman tells the man “My husband is here. Collect your clothes and get out from the window.”

The man did not have time to get dressed and he is naked outside on the road and there is a light drizzle of rain.

At the meantime, there is a marathon going and it passes by the man. The man also starts running with those guys.

A runner beside him asks “Do you always run naked?”

Man replies “Yeah. I feel comfortable this way.”

Runner “Do you always wear a condom?”

Man “No. Only when its raining.”

 

 

 

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Cruisin Paul

                                          Cartagena, Colombia    

 

 

  

The Middle Of August.

Good morning everyone. We had a couple cool days and now we are make to warm days. There isn't much to say right now. I'll see my doctor next week then I may something to say.

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A man is out on a golf course, when he hears someone shout "FORE!"

He looks this way and that but doesn't see the ball, until *WHACK!* He shouts and curses and moans, holding both hands over his crotch.

"Oh, you poor thing!" a woman cries, running over to assist him. She gets on her knees and starts to rub his groin with her hands. "Is that better?"

He shakes his head, so she pulls his pants down and starts rubbing it in earnest. After a few minutes, she smiles and says, "That seemed to help a lot!"

"Oh, it was wonderful!" he says. "But the ball hit my thumb!"

 

 

A Jew, a Catholic, and a Mormon all walk into a bar...

The Jewish man boasts, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team." The Catholic man says, "That's nothing! I have ten sons. One more and I'll have a soccer team!" The Mormon stands up and proclaims, "Big deal! I have seventeen wives. One more and I'll have a golf course!"

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Why do married men love golf so much?

Because it's not the same three holes over and over again. 

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A woman is playing golf...

... when she gets stung by a bee. She goes into the clubhouse and tells an employee what has happened:

Woman: "Hello, I was stung by a bee."

Man: "Where were you stung?"

Woman: "Between the first hole and the second hole."

Man: "Your stance is too wide."

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A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde.

The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, “Its golf balls.”

The blond looked at him compassionately and said: “Oh you poor thing. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?”

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Cruisin Paul

 

 

 

I Love The Rain

Good morning friends. Well we finally got some rain and out lawn is looking better. I went to my eye doctor and she wants me to go a specialist. It seems I have some problems with my eyes. Oh well, what is new. I'm seeing my doctor on the 23rd because I seem to have a problem with my right side. Everytime I walk it's very painful. Lets see if I have any more things wrong with me. No, that's about it. Believe it or not, life is going good. These other thing are natural I guess. I'm lucky to be even here to I'm proud to have what I have, the many friends I have and what God has given me. So, I'm happy. I guess I didn't have much to write about today except the pains I have LOL

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Cruisin Paul

 

Finally Rain.

Well, after days of 90 to 100 degrees, we finally had rain. Last night as I sat out on my front deck watching the dark clouds move quickly, suddenly the wind blew up around me , thunder got louder and the  rain came down heavy. The grass that was turning yellow, said out loud, " Thank you Lord ".

Today the clouds are still here and it's suppose to rain once once again. I read the Amherstburg paper this morning and I'm getting very angry. Since the town elections are coming up in October, the Mayor & town council have voted to allow the new people to deal with the Duffy's area. They have been in for 8  full years dealing with Duffy's marina area and suddenly they want the new people to deal with it. Anger is how I feel a little but the most is disappointment I have with these people. They have been wasting our money for all these years. When I ask what's going, I told, everything is OK.If I wasn't this old I would run myself. 

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A blonde was driving her car down an Iowa highway in August

As she drove down the road, she had her radio tuned to an all talk channel. The dj on the radio was telling blonde joke after blonde joke non stop, and finally the blonde woman got angry. She turned the radio off and tore the knob off the radio and threw it out the window. A few miles later she came across another blonde in the middle of a field in a boat rowing madly away, and the blonde driver slammed on her brakes, got out of her car and screamed " Its blondes like you that Give us a bad name, and if I could swim I'd come out there and give you the beating of your life!!"

 

 

 

 

9th August 2021: a blond American woman is at the Canadian immigration counter......

The immigration officer is puzzled for a minute and then the light comes on.

"Thank you ma'am for that view but it is vaxxed not waxed'

 

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My wife and I just had a daughter and named her JuneJulyAugust.

We call her Summer for short.

 

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Cruisin Paul