Monday, July 6, 2020

HOT Monday

Good morning everyone. Now that Canada & the United States have completed their holidays, we back to normal or something called normal. The Covid 19 is still getting worse especially in the southern states and we see things are getting worse with deaths. I pray to God to hopefully see a change. Please keep safe my friends.

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A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"



A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just incase this guy shows up again." The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door. The husband whisperes to the wife, "Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to a see where he's going with this." She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, "Do you have a Vagina?" "Yes I do." says the lady. The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!"




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Cruisin Paul
 

Friday, July 3, 2020

The 4th of July

Hi there all of my US relatives and friends. On Saturday it will be "Independence Day" for all of you. I hope that you all have a safe enjoyable holiday.







Cruisin Paul
 

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

My Country's Special Day

Hi friends. July 1st is Canada Day.







Father's of Confederation


Canada

Cruisin Paul

Friday, June 26, 2020

Bright Sunny Friday

Well, it's Friday and my wife informed me that I would have to wait until 3:00pm to find out if our home was sold. Papers are signed,  but I'm just waiting. Waiting is the most difficult thing to do.

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Nun Beer


Two nuns were shopping at Kroger's.  As they passed the cold beer cooler one nun commented that it would be nice to have a cold beer or two on this hot summer evening.  The other nun agreed, "Indeed it would, sister, but I wouldn't feel comfortable buying beer here as it would likely cause a scene at the checkout."  "I can handle that without a problem," the other nun replied.  She added a six-pack of Blue Moon to her cart and headed for the checkout.  The cashier had a surprised look on her face when the nuns handed her the beer and gave them a quizzical look. The nun said, "We use beer for washing our hair back at the convent, we call it a 'Catholic Shampoo'.
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and pulled out a large bag of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer.  She then looked at the nuns, smiled and said, "The curlers are on the house."






Hearing Angels Sing

The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when he noticed a young woman in the front row, wearing a tight dress with her boobs almost hanging out. He couldn't concentrate on his message to the flock, so he dismissed the service and asked to speak to the woman after everyone else left the church. When they were alone, the reverend said in his sternest lecturing voice. "Just what do you mean, coming to church dressed like that?" "Why reverend," the young thing replied. All of my boyfriends tell me that they can hear the angels sing when they put their heads on my breasts." "Hmm. Well let me check," said the man of the cloth, placing his head between her tits. After several minutes, he raised his head and said. "I don't hear any angels singing!" "Of course not reverend," she said. "Your not plugged in yet."



Nun's Underpants

Three nuns used to go to the church from their homes every day. On the way they would pass a house where a parrot lived. The parrot would call out three colors every time the nuns would pass by. They soon realized that the parrot was calling out the colors of their respective underpants. They tried to fool the parrot by switching positions while walking and even wearing different colored underpants every day, but the parrot was never wrong. Finally they devised a way to fool the parrot by not wearing any underpants at all. When they walked across the house the parrot spoke out loud, ''Straight, straight, curly.''

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        "Believe That We Will Be Strong"


Cruisin Paul
 

Monday, June 22, 2020

Need Some Rain Monday Night


Good evening everyone. I wanted to let you all know since you are my good friends. Over the weekend, my wife and I accepted an offer to sell our home to the people who loves the house. Now we won't know until Friday if everything has been signed sealed and delivered so I'm not going to smile until Friday. But the pressure is off me now and our smaller home is in the process of being built. No more stairs. Whoopee! Thanks for your support my friends. It means a lot.

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Grandma and grandpa lived in a one room house with their kids so had little "private time".

Grandma said if you wake up in the middle of the night and you want to make love squeeze my breast once. If you don't want to make love squeeze it twice. Grandpa said OK if you wake up in the middle of the night and you want to make love squeeze my privates once.
 
  If you don't want to make love, SQUEEZE it 20 times.
 
 

Grandma and Grandpa were staying over at their kids house.

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.

The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive."

"How much?" asked Grandpa.

"$10.00 a pill," answered the son.

"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow. "

Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110.

"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"
 " I know, " said Grandpa. " The hundred is from Grandma!"
 
 








Grandpa and Grandma are sitting on a bench in the park

they hear the jingle of the icecream salesman.

Grandma says : "I'd like some vanilla icecream."

Grandpa says: "Good idea, I'd also like some chocolate icecream".

Grandma stands up and says: "I'll go get some."

"You should write it, Grandma, you know your memory is not what it was... you'll forget !"

"Don't worry Grandpa, I won't, it's easy : vanilla, chocolate. Vanilla, Chocolate..."

And thus Grandma leaves Grandpa while singsonging  " Vanilla, Chocolate,Vanilla , Chocolate...."



A while later, Grandma comes back with a couple of hotdogs in her hands.

"Grandma ! what did you take ??? "

"Look Grandpa, I took two ketchup hot-dogs !"

"Grandma... I told you to write it down ! I knew you'd forget the mustard !"
 " Grandma..... I told you to write it down! I knew you'd forget the mustard. "
 
     
              
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                            " Stay Safe My Friends. "
 
 
 
Cruisin Paul
  

Saturday, June 20, 2020

Beautiful, Bright, Sunny Saturday

Good morning friends. Well we have had an offer regarding our house and now our realtor informs us to now send back our counter  offer. Hopefully they will  send back a new offer. Please pray for me. Our realtor also said that another person wants to come back and see the house again. I'm really worried now.

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A bouquet of flowers

A man walks past a flower shop one day and thinks how he never buys flowers for his wife. So he steps in and orders a nice bouquet of flowers.

He comes home, rings the doorbell. His wife opens the door. He hands her the bouquet and she goes wild with excitement! She pulls him in, closes the door and tugs him directly into the bedroom...

In a flash she disrobes, throws herself on the bed, spreads her legs wide open and says:

"Darling! This is for the wonderful bouquet of flowers you bought me!"

The husband looks at her and replies: "Can't you just put them in a vase, like everyone else?"




A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed.

Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
  " I'm a gynecologist. "
 
 
 


A father names has 3 daughters named Petal, Flower, and Brick

Petal asks "dad, why was I named Petal?"
He says a petal fell from out of nowhere and landed on her forehead right after she was born so he named her Petal.

Flower asks "so, dad why was I named Flower?"
He says a flower fell from out of nowhere and landed on her forehead as well right after she was born so he named her Flower.


Finally Brick asks " daaaa ahhhhhh daaaa  ddd."
 
 
 
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                      " Please Stay Healthy My Friends " 
 
 Cruisin Paul