Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Finally, A Cool Day

Good morning Friends. I had hoped to never deal with President Trump but,,,,,,, after yesterday' s summit in Helsinki, attacking the NATO family was something but attacking his own people and standing with Putrin, well I'm shocked. That's all. I won't say anymore.
My brother - in - law Jim is still in the Toronto Hospital after having two operations. We hope that he gets well soon. 
My friend Al will be home Wednesday and I want to find out how he made out in Vancouver. Thursday I have to go and have another PSA shot, as I told you before you, my doctor wants another one for some reason. I think soon I will need to see a new dentist. I noticed that one of my upper teeth was getting loose. Oh boy!








It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."


A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?" A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients." "And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching." "No, we came to make sure he was dead."



On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself out late and decided to look for a place to rest the night. He finally found a hut in the middle of the woods and knocked on the door. An old man answered, and he agreed to give Johhny a bed for the night on one condition: the man's teenaged daughter would be in the other bed, and Johnny was not to touch her or disturb her sleep in any way. Johnny agreed, but changed his mind when he saw how beautiful the sleeping girl was and, while she didn't respond to his caresses, she didn't push him away either. The next morning, Johnny awoke alone, but he figured the girl had gone to do her chores and he eagerly awaited her return. Instead the old man walked in, wiping the tears from his eyes. "What's wrong?" asked Johnny. "Oh, I've just come back from the cemetery we had my little girl's funeral this morning. But thank you so much for sitting up with her body last night."


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When you pass away, do you think any of your blogger friends will come to see you at the funeral? Ha,ha,ha, that will never happened unless one of them lives near you.
Have a great day my blogger friends. 

                                 " SEE YA "


Cruisin Paul

Thursday, July 12, 2018

A Very Beautiul Thursday

Good morning everyone. The last two days have just fantastic but it ends. Tomorrow were back to the 90's and I play golf. Why can't the beautiful days be the ones that I'm playing golf? Oh well.
Al &  Meilin are in Vancouver, B.C. visiting his daughter. I hope things are doing well for him.
Mary Lou & I have been thinking about moving and selling our home. We've been here for 26 years and I love here but the other night as I reached the top of the staircase, I almost fell down the stairs. I was lucky that I grabbed the bannister. If I had fallen, well I don't even say what could have happened. So we are thinking about it.

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The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?" "There," said the wife, "didn't I tell you he was stupid?"


A Scots boy came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play. "Wonderful," says the mother, "What part is it?" The boy says "I play the part of the Scottish husband!" The mother scowls and says: "Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part."


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An Irishman had no idea his wife was having an affair, so he was mad with grief when coming home early one day he surprised her and her lover in the act.
He grabbed a pistol and pointed it at his head, which made his wife burst out laughing.
"What do you think you're laughing at," he cried, "you're next."


"Not now kid!"

 $text4
Last night a large quantity of sand, cement and gravel were stolen from a local builder's yard.
A police spokesman said they are looking for some concrete evidence to help catch the thieves.
 
$text4
What do you call the people who are made of rubber and stand at the entrance to a nightclub?
Bouncers.
 
$text4
What would you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
 
 
 
 
 
 A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal.’ The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan’. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ”But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.” 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Well that's about for today. I'm just waiting my cousin Dan to pick me up for us to do to lunch. 
 
                      " SEE YA My Friends "
 
 
 
Cruisin Paul
 

Saturday, July 7, 2018

Beautiful Weathe Saturdayr

Good morning friends. I hope that my American & Canadian friends enjoyed their special days during the week and you're rested for the weekend.
Gerry called up on Friday to invite me to golf next week. Of course I said thank you and I would yes. I had to ask Mary Lou because the golfing day was on Friday, the 13th, our 44th anniversary. She said OK and I told her that later I would take her out for dinner and sitting by the river after. At our age, that excitement, especially for me, LOL.
My doctor called and said that he wanted another PSA shot. I don't know why. Either the first one didn't work or there is something wrong with my prostrate. I hope not.
My friend Al and his wife Meilin arrived in Vancouver visiting with Al's daughter. She's getting married next year and he's there to be introduced with her in - laws. He wants to visit with an old buddy who is not well.  I hope things work out for Al. He was worried going to Vancouver especially with his own health problems.
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A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the damn potatoes!" 


Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!"  



There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "Fool, I sent you two boats!" 


On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"  


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That's it for today. Enjoy the rest of your day my friends.


                                " SEE YA "


Cruisin Paul

Saturday, June 30, 2018

Hot, Hot, Hot, O Lay O Lay, O lay, O lay

Hot, hot hot. Well we are in a very hot time of the year.Yesterday I golfed and it was hot but starting today and until the end of the week we are planning to have temperatures going from in the 90's close to 100. Ouch!
My brother-in-law Jim Maitland, was in the Toronto Hospital and the doctors had no idea what was causing his bleeding. Finally the operated and found that he had small tear in his artery in his colon. Thank God, they fixed it up and Jim is on his way to get better. My cousin Tony has had one chemo and three more to go. He told me that it won't get rid of the cancer but hopefully slow it down.
As I said I went golfing Friday and it was with my friend Gerry. It was his first golf game since he had his open heart surgery. He looks good, he play wonderful and thanks to my 5 golf lessons, even I was playing great, well OK. LOL
At the moment Mary Lou is out cutting the lawn and later I have to pick up Cole and bring him home. 

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How Old Are You?
4 year old David is having tea at his grandma’s. After he finishes his smoked salmon bagel and almond Danish, he goes over to her and asks, "Granny how old are you?"
With a smile on her face, his granny replies, "I’m 42, darling - and holding."
David thinks about this reply for a moment, then asks, "And how old would you be, granny, if you let go?"

 
Same Size As …
A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased.
He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "Queen Size".
He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed,
"Look Grandma, you wear the same size as our bed!"


Partial Deck

A girl comes home from school and tells her grandma that a boy at has asked her out for a date. This being her first date, her grandma gives her some rules. "If he tries to come near you or hug you, its fine. If he tries to kiss you, well thats fine too. But if he tries to lay you down and get on top of you, just push him and get out of there." The innocent girl was confused and asked, "Why grandma?" Grandma replied, "Because then he will disgrace our family." The girl having learned the lesson goes on her date. When she returns, her grandma asked her what happened. She replied, "Everything went well. First he hugged me, then kissed me. But then he tried to lay me down. So instead I got on top of him and disgraced his family."



Grandma's New Sticker

The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed!
I was stopped at the light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must REALLY love the Lord because pretty soon, he leaned out his window and yelled, "Jesus Christ!" as loud as he could. It was like a football game with him shouting, "GO JESUS CHRIST, GO!" Everyone else started honking, too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all of those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach, and saw him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my two grand kids what that meant. They kind of squirmed, looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign.
So, I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. Several cars behind, a very nice man stepped out of his car and yelled something. I couldn't hear him very well, but it sounded like, "Mother trucker," or "Mother's from there." Maybe he was from Florida, too. He must really love the Lord. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed that the light had changed to yellow, and stepped on the gas. And a good thing I did, because I was the only driver to get across the intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned way out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign as I drove away.

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Well, that's it for today. I hope that all of you will have a great day and if it's hot. hot, hot, get where it's cool, cool, cool. 

                               " SEE YA "


Cruisin Paul
                                             and Mary Lou