Saturday, November 17, 2018

American Thanksgiving Is Coming Up

Good morning my good friends. The sun is out after having two snowy days. Unfortunately, I since snow has appeared on the scene, I will need to put my Camero into the garage for the winter. Usually it wasn't until the middle of December but things have changed so much. 
My friends Al & Meilin have sold their home and will move into the Saleme building in downtown Amherstburg. It's a beautiful place. They had to move because Al is having some difficulties now based on his Parkinsons. It also seems he may have some dementia. I'm missing my old friend. He's here or not at times. These diseases are taking away my friend. Have you ever had to deal with such diseases in your life? I just spend the time with Al as best I can. He still knows me but at times disappears in a different world. 

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  Guadaloupe cruise pier. Another place that I have never been there.

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Once upon a time, there was a very happy, long-married couple who ran a small farm.

They loved each other and all, there was just one problem – the guy farted incredibly, and enjoyed ripping seriously loud ones in bed especially.

The wife complained for years, pleaded – in vain. “One day, you’ll spill your guts out, you mark my words!” was the lady’s frequent closing warning.

Then one Thanksgiving morning, gutting the turkey, she had a stroke of genius. She took all the turkey’s guts and went to their bedroom and quietly slipped them under the still sleeping man’s covers. “That’ll teach him!” she thought with satisfaction and went back to her work.

At 10 the man was still nowhere to be seen – quite shocking for a farmer – and she was starting to worry when finally her husband came down – walking a little strange, wearing an even stranger expression.

“You were right about the farting, Ida,” he panted, “I’m ashamed to admit that I did fart my guts out. But with the help of our Lord and these two fingers, all is right again!”



A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.
The wife asks, “Do you know her?”
“Yes,” sighs the husband, “She’s my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” says the wife, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long.”
turkey-clipart


A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn’t find one big enough. She asked the stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy replied, “No. They’re dead.”
:mrgreen:


Teacher: What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?
Student: I’m thankful I’m not a turkey.




The Man Who Forgot to Buy a Turkey for ThanksgivingThe man who forgot to buy a turkey for Thanksgiving

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door. 'Please let me in, 'says the man desperately. 'I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one.' 'Okay, 'says the butcher.' Let me see what I have left.' He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's one last scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man. 'That's one is too skinny. What else you got?' says the man. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man. 'Oh, no, 'says the man, 'That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!'


Two cannibals are enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner and a light conversation about all things family.

“I just can’t stand my mother-in-law,” sighs one.
 
“That’s quite understandable,” nods the other one, “why don’t you just have the potatoes with the gravy?”




What do turkeys and women have in common?

A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.



It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.
“Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!” said the daughter.
“Did it not taste good?” her mother asked.
“I don’t know,” the blonde said. “It wouldn’t sit still!”



Indians and the PilgrimsThanksgiving turkey video

Nathan, a young boy, after hearing the story of Thanksgiving and how the Indians and the Pilgrims sat down together, climbed up into his father's lap and said, 'Daddy, did you know that if we were Indians, you would be a brave and Mom would be a squawk?' 'That is the best description of your mother I have ever heard, Nathan', replied his daddy as he ducked.
 
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                                  " SEE YA "
 
 
Cruisin Paul
 

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Snowy, Wet, Cold Tuesday

Good morning my friends. I'm feeling low this morning. My very good neighbor & friend  Ron Houle in formed me that his grandson Kaleb, 13 years old has died.

He was first diagnosed with diffuse large B-cell lymphoma — a blood cancer that’s very rare in kids but common in elderly adults.
Three months of chemotherapy in London brought about remission, but it returned in December of 2016. Again, his recovery was remarkable, but a year after the transplant,symptoms returned. Chemo resumed in the summer requiring regular trips to Toronto and London hospitals. But then on Friday, Kaleb woke up with a splitting headache and things seemed to go downhill from there.
Kaleb died at about 12:30 a.m. Saturday in hospital in London. Kaleb's funeral will be on Thursday. 


            This is Kaleb with his parents Jennifer & Devin Houle


You wonder how can a 13 year old suffer and die when we adults who are enjoying life like Trump. It just doesn't make any sense. Sorry about that my friends. It just bothers me so much.

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My next cruise in January we will go to the island of Barbados. 

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one." The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home." POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family. Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too." POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?" The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."


One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned guy and says: "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years," replies the stunned man. With that she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says: "Man, oh man! Is that good!" "And how long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" she asks him. Trembling the castaway replies: "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says: "WOW, that's absolutely fantastic!" At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man seductively, and asks: "And how long has it been since you've had some real fun?" With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs: "Oh good Lord! Don't tell me you've got a laptop?"



A man gets shipwrecked on a small island. After a few days wandering, he comes across a tribe of natives who have just lost their chieftan. The tribe's high priest tells the man that as he is the first outsider they have seen in twenty years, he must take three tests. If he passes al three tests, the tribe will accept him as their new chief. "Fair enough," says the man. "Just let me know what the tests are and I'll get right on them." The piest takes him to a clearing with three straw huts in it, turns to the man and explains the tests. "In the first hut, you'll find 20 gallons of our native beer. You must drink all of this to complete this test. In the second hut is a gorilla with a sore tooth. You must pull his tooth and survive to pass this test. In the third hut is the ex-chieftan's daughter. You must make love to her until she can take nomore." The man agrees to the tests and begns the first test. Three hours later, he walks out of the hut and goes toward the second hut. The priest asks if he would like to have a rest, but the man says he wants to get all the tests done before he sleeps. He goes into th second hut. After two hours he comes out covered from head to toe in blood and sctratches. He turns to the priest and says "Now lead me to the girl with the sore tooth."

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                                              " SEE YA "


Cruisin Paul
 

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Dull, Gray, Wet Wednesday

Good, good morning all of my friends. Well, yesterday was election in the USA and this morning, things changed a little for the Democrats and changed a little for the Republicans. What I read in the internet was a draw. The Republicans picked up some seats in the Senate and the Democrats are now in control of the House. Being a Canadian, I' m not sure what that means but from what I read this morning, President Trump will be able to get more judges but lost some power because the Democrats have more checks and balances regarding the president. Let me know friends if I'm correct if not let me know. Today's jokes will be just about elections. I'll try not to get anyone upset with me. If not, I'm sorry ahead of time.




This is the pier in Grenada. Once again I've never been here but hope to get there some day,

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I just put this in to let know that other people are having problems in their country. 








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I know that in an election, you can say that everyone who did voted can't complain. People who voted did give their right to say and that was fantastic. I hope that all of you might now like the results but I'll bet that your country is much better then some in the world. I know that Canada has some problems but I wouldn't want to change for me. Smile, life will go on. 

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Cruisin Paul


Saturday, November 3, 2018

Cool, Sunny Saturday

Well. well, well. Hello my friends. It's a wonderful Saturday morning and for all my American friends, it's four more days until the midterm elections. I'm not going to say anything about them because I'm a Canadian and I have no control with either the Republicans nor the Democrats or anything about President Trump.
Four days away from crucial midterm elections, one of the major questions is whether the Republicans will keep control of the Senate or whether the Democrats will gain enough seats to take over. That's all I'll say but because of the excitement, I'm going to some political jokes in preparation  for the mid term election. I hope that you enjoyment and not hate me like Trump hates the Democrats. 

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I have been in Grand Turk for five times. I just love this place. 

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Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me.”
The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.” The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?” The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.” “Done!” replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.
 




A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."  




In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, "Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests." Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it. "Well, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was, 'Who was our first president?', and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put 'George Washington,' and so did you." "So, everyone knows that he was the first president." "Well, just wait a minute," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who freed the slaves?' Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you." "Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that," said Johnny. "Wait, wait," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?' Mary put 'I don't know,' and you put, 'Me neither'."



It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Lowenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States. He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it. "Mr. President," said Dr. Lowenstein, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars." He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown. He said, "But that’s impossible... we could never do it. Yes Mr. President,” and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. "I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we’ve found intelligent life on Mars... he wants us to try to find it in Congress."

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                                " SEE YOU "

Cruisin Paul

 

Sunday, October 28, 2018

Wet, Gray, Cool Sunday

It's 2:00 pm and I'm creating this blog right now. Usually it's in the morning but my wife & I went and had breakfast in town. After I got home I sat down and watched this show that talked about the three hate situations that occurred during the week. 1. the pipe bombs that were sent out to Democrats,especially President Obama, President Clinton & Hillary , 2. yesterday when 11 victims of the Pittsburgh synagogue were massacred, and two black individuals were shot because the man hated black people. I sat there and wondered, what in hell is the United States doing? They all seemed to say that Trump's words were creating hate throughout the US. If things aren't changing the United States will begin a Civil War of sorts. I'm worried.

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 This is the pier for island of St. Croix. I've never cruised to St' Croix but maybe some day.
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There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time, so they decided to dress up and go out. The old woman went in her bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a string between her legs with a lemon at the end of the string. When she walked out of the room her husband yelled, "You can't go out like that!" "I can go out as whatever I want and so can you!" The man agreed and went into his room. Soon he came out naked with a string tied to his penis and a potato at the end of the string. The woman said, "You're going out as that?" "Yes," said the old man. "If you can go out as a sourpuss, I can go out as a dicktator."


A young boy knocked on my door on Halloween night and said, "Trick or treat?" I looked at him and asked, "What have you come as?" He said, "A werewolf." I said, "But you're not wearing a costume. You've just got your normal clothes on." He said, "Yeah well, it's not a full moon yet, is it?"



One dark night, two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
“Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing, working here so late at night?”
“Those fools!” – the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”



A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun perform oral sex on me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: First you have to be single and secondly you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"
The nun says, "O.K., pull into the next alley."
He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's O.K., my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween Party."

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                       " SEE YA FRIENDS "


Cruisin Paul