Saturday, August 20, 2016

A Nicer Saturday



Good to see you again my friends. Yes it's Saturday and I feeling sore. I went golfing yesterday and my leg was hurting but I still golfed. Well today I can hardly walk. Oh well, I enjoyed the golfing. 
Today my wife is taking my daughter to see the RCMP Ride. I saw them last year so I'm not going
 


but I can say, it was a great show. While they are at the show, I will be watching golf and cooking our dinner.

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A young boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him. "Hmmmm," he wonders, "How am I gonna get more dough?"Then he gets an idea. He calls his father. "Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here that will teach Fido how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing!" his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the course."

So, his father sends the dog and the $1000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. "So how's Fido doing, son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this program, that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ!?" says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." ....And his father sends the money. At the end of the semester, the boy has a problem. When he gets home, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he gets home, his father is all excited. "Where's Fido? I just can't wait to hear him talk and listen to him read something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. This morning, when I got out of the shower, Fido was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does.Then he turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street?' "

The father says, "I hope you SHOT that lyin' son of a bitch!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!



Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers.
She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again, for no reason."
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says "Don't you have a vase?"

Three Mothers, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were all talking about their daughters.

The Brunette said "I was looking through my daughters things and I found cigarettes, I can't believe my daughter smokes."

The redhead said "Ladies, I was looking through my daughters things and I found a bottle of liquor, I can't believe my daughter drinks."

The Blonde said "I was looking through my daughters things and I found a pack of condoms, I can't believe my daughter has a penis!"

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That's it for now. We're suppose to get a big storm this afternoon. I hope that RCMP officers, their horse, the people including my wife, daughter and grandchildren don't get wet. Have a great Saturday everyone.
 
                                                                         " SEE YA! "
 
 
 






Thursday, August 11, 2016

Scary Heat Thursday



Good morning friends. It's very hot here in Amherstburg, Ontario, Canada. Yesterday was 95 degrees, index 99, today 97 degrees index 100 and tomorrow ( when I'm suppose to play golf ) 94 degrees index 97. Hopefully we are suppose to get some storms in the afternoon but I doubt that it will change how hot it will be. It doesn't change until the weekend where it should be in the middle 80's.
I've already arranged to bring 3 bottles of Gatorade. Two bottles are frozen already. I'll taken them out tonight so they should be ready tomorrow morning. I'm just going to have to rest as I play tomorrow I guess.
As I said after I did my post about police  and the respect I had about policemen, this post will be about teachers of which I one for 31 years. By the way, Tuesday I had a wonderful time sitting down with two former students who are policemen, Detective Gary Bezaire, London Police Force and Officer Steve Owns, Amherstburg Police Force. It was wonderful seeing these great men. By the way, they were great students when I taught them. I hope that I will have another chance to see them again.

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Describing his teacher to his mother, Jimmy called her “mean but fair.”
“Just what do you mean by that?” – his mother asked.
“She is mean to everybody.” – Jimmy replied.
                            
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Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won’t be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!

                                        --------------------------------------------------------------

A teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”


A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+.
Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, "What changed your mind about learning math?"
The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant business."


A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
The little girl replied, "My homework."


 A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to one little boy. So she said, "if you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?" "Somebody else's pants."

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Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?"
Sam: "I don't know."
Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark."
Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"

                                          --------------------------------------------------------

Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.
Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.




"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."


                                          ---------------------------------------------------------------

Well that's it for now. Being a teacher was one of  my proudest moments. As you can see, my students do come back and see me. I often wondered when I retired, did I do anything for my students? Well, many of my past students still come to see me and they and their parents always tell me how proud that their children loved my class and me and they also remember much of the life ideas that I taught in my class. One especially was the word RESPECT and they in turn show that to me today. Thank you.


                                                                       " SEE YA "






Sunday, August 7, 2016

Friendly Sunday


Well, what do you know, I finally wrote a post. Sorry about that. I haven't been feeling feel lately. Maybe it's this 90 degree weather we've been having lately. But this morning I;m feeling really great so here I am. 

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Chemistry In The Soup Kitchen

While volunteering in a soup kitchen, I hit it off with a very attractive single man. It was a relief, since my mother and I always laughed 
because the men to whom I was drawn were inevitably married. So, optimistic about my chances, I asked my new friend what he did for a 
living. He replied, “I’m a priest.”

                                         --------------------------------------------------
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." - See more at: http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/family-jokes#sthash.XZzKJWre.dpuf

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." - See more at: http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/family-jokes#sthash.XZzKJWre.dpuf
Paul and his best friend were coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed his friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

Paul's friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."




A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married?

Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman ... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."

"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least on girl that you wanted to marry."

"Yes, there was one girl .. once. I guess she was the one perfect girl.

The only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything .. I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.

"She was looking for the perfect man," he said.




Two adventurers John and Jack were hunting for gold in the desert. After roaming all day long under the hot sun, they set up their tent and fell asleep. Some hours later, John woke up his friend.

"Jack, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Jack looked up and replied, "I can see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asked John.

Jack thought for a minute and said.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

After a moment of silence, John spoke.

"It tells two things to me. First is that...you are an idiot."

Jack looked at John, surprised. "Why do you say so?" he said.

"Because it has still not occurred to you that someone has stolen our tent." replied John.





Golf ball

Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball.

"Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked. The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one. "Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?" The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one."

Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?"

"That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it."

"Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?"

The other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back -- no problem."

Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?"

"No problem," says the other guy, "you see, this ball is fluorescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark."

Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"

The other guy replies, "I found it."






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Well my friends, that will be it for now. I hope that I'll be able to send another post back to you soon. Enjoy your Sunday everyone.


 
                                                                         " SEE YA "


 



Saturday, July 30, 2016

Happy Saturday



Good Saturday morning friends. Well my phone has been fixed for now. I hope that it's fixed forever but knowing Bell, I'm never sure. When you are dealing with a big conglomerate, you never know how they will treat you.
When I thought about what to write about today in my post, I thought about my friends Sandee, Zane and the many police friends and my three past students at St. Bernard who were children at that times but today they are officers in the Amherstburg police force and the third is a detective in London, Ontario. and thinking about what has been going these last two weeks about the policemen being gunned down, I thought about doing a post for them giving some relaxation time to sit down and at least laugh a little during this bad time. I'm proud knowing them and I hope that people in this world wake up to realize that are always going to be bad people in all jobs not just police. What people have to realize is that there are so many great policemen in our world that are there to help us. Just think about that when you see a policeman today.

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While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back. They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.

The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor?"
The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor."

Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?"
The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor."

The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?"
The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President."

This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: "Now who is more important than the President?!"
The policeman calmly whispered: "I'll put it to you this way chief. I don't know who is this guy, but he has the pope as his chauffeur."






Late one Friday night a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later ..." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."
Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"













A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses." The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket

                                     --------------------------------------------------------------

Well that's it for today. I hope that you have enjoyed some of these funny, happy pictures and jokes. The next time I'll write about teachers and then I'll laugh about me, because I was a teacher for over 31 years. Have a wonderful Saturday everyone.

                                                                            " SEE YA "


 








Sunday, July 24, 2016

Dangerous Heat Sunday


Hi everyone. It has been very hot for many days in the high 90's. On Friday I went golfing and it was in the 90's. Was so bad that I wasn't able to play the 18th hole. I was bushed. I had drank 3 full containers of water and I still was feeling bad. Oh well, I enjoy golf but the next time it's in 90's, I'm staying home.
I've been having a serious problem on my phone since Tuesday with Bell. I've had days with no dial tone, times when I could call out but for 6 days no one has been able to call my home. I've been dealing with people from Bell, they've sent men to check and they always say it has been fixed but I'm still having difficult problems. They are sending another tech over tomorrow to try to fix it again. They have told me that they having difficulties in the area and it's got nothing to co with my line but I still having problems. I'm getting stressed out at this time. It seems that these people are jerks. They all say they are going to help me, but guess what, nothing works. Oh well, my wife says relax, not's your problem, it's theirs. HUH!

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It was Friday, and four nuns went to the priest at the local Catholic 
church to ask for the weekend off. They argued back and forth for a few 
minutes.
Finally the priest agreed to let them leave the convent for the weekend.
 "However",he said, "as soon as you get back Monday morning I want you 
to confess to me what you did over the weekend." The four nuns agree, 
and run off. Monday comes, and the four nuns return. The first nun goes 
to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The 
priest asks, "What did you do, Sister?" 
She replies, "I watched an R-rated movie." The priest looks up at heaven
for a few seconds, then replies, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy
water." The first nun leaves, and the fourth nun begins to chuckle
quietly under her breath.

The second nun then goes up to the priest and says, "Forgive me , Father,
for I have sinned." The priest replies, "OK, what happened?" She says, 
"I was driving my brother's car down the street in front of his house, 
and I hit a neighbors dog and killed it." The priest looks up to heaven 
for half a minute, then says,"You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water."
The second nun goes out. 

By this time, the fourth nun is laughing quite audibly.
Then the third nun walks to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I
have sinned." The priest asks, "Out with it. What did you do?" She says,
"Last night, I ran naked up and down Main Street." The priest looks up at 
heaven for a full five minutes before responding, "God forgives you. Go 
and drink the holy water." She leaves. The fourth nun falls on the floor, 
laughing so hard tears run down her cheeks.

The priest asks her, "OK. What did you do that was so bloody funny?"
The fourth nun replies, "I peed in the holy water..."
 
 


Wild Nuns
A cop pulls over a car load of nuns. The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?" The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."

The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!" The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful." At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible." The Sister answers, "Oh, we just got off Highway 101."







Nun Decorators
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."

So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"










Pregnant Nun
Pat is not feeling very well and he decides to go to a doctor.

While he is waiting in the doctor's reception room, a nun comes out of the doctor's office. She looks very ashen, drawn and haggard. Pat goes into the doctor's office and says to the doctor: "I just saw a nun leaving who looked absolutely terrible. I have never seen a woman look worse." The doctor says: "I just told her that she is pregnant." Pat exclaims: "Oh my, is she?" The doctor responds: "No, but it sure cured her hiccups."





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I guess I'd better start praying and asking God for forgiveness with all of these nun jokes but heck, they were funny.  Have a hot, but stay cool Sunday my friends



                                                                       " SEE YA "