Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Warming Up Tuesday

Well, Spring has sprung around here also but it's still a little cool around here for me. The weatherman told us that it would be in the 50's, very wet and yet still some snowflakes. My question is WHY snow? I've made a decision. I'm taking my BumbleBee out of the garage. Hopefully the weather will be OK because I'm taking it to have all the necessary things to have it clean up for the summer. You know oil change, check the brakes, etc. Then if it warm enough, I;m going to have it washed. I'm ready to go. Zoom, zoom, zoom.


Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they are born?

To knock the penises off the smart ones.

What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?

When you see teeth marks.
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!"

The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.

About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets.

Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."

The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."
There were three babies in a woman's womb, and they were discussing what they would like to be when they were out in the world and grown up.

The first one said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked why he wanted be be a plumber. He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here, it's kinda leaky."

The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others thought this was kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, "So I can get some lights in here, its dark!"

The third one said, "I wanna be a boxer." The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full five minutes, before asking, "Why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?"

He replied, "So," he said proudly, "I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us.

A woman and a baby come into the doctor's office. She is taken into an examining room and waits for the doctor. After arriving there, the doctor examines the baby, and finds him not gaining much weight and asks the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?"

"Oh ... he is breast fed!", replied the woman.

"Well then, strip down to your waist," orders the doctor.

She takes off her top and bra and sits on the examing table. The doc starts pressing, kneading and pinching both breasts for quite a while in a very detailed and thorough examination.

The doc motions to her to get dressed, then the doctor says: "No wonder this baby is so hungry. You don't have any milk!"

The woman with a wry grin on her face responds: "Well of course I don't." "I'm his aunt - but I'm sure glad I brought him in!"
Aren't babies cute. I was a cute baby way back when. My wife said to me once, what ever happened to you? No my wife never said that. I just thought that would be interesting. I wonder what your baby pictures were like way back when?
                                            Have a wonderful Tuesday my friends. 
                                                                              " SEE YA "! 


  1. Good morning from cool and windy W Palm Beach. Loved all the baby funnies, especially Mommy on my mind!

    Warm hugs, honey...

  2. More coffee please. I'm going to get a cup right after this comment.

    Loved all the baby jokes. Some were a bit more than baby jokes though.

    Go get your Bumblebee ready for the road.

    Have a fabulous day Paul. ☺

  3. Good day to you i say good day cos I get confused with the time zones it's 3pm here and the sun is out (plays fanfare)

    LOL @ the jokes I haven't had 7UP for ages.. oooh! pardon :-)

    Have a sunnytastic day Paul and hope you get all the things that need doing with the Bumblebee :-)

  4. Thank you so much for the smiles, Paul! :)

  5. Love that joke about the aunt getting the breast exam. Who thinks these things up!

    Hope you don't get the snow storm headed towards me. Could be up to 12" inches!

  6. Heeheehee! Teeth marks! Yes, i remember that.

    Hope you do get warm spring weather soon!


Thanks for commenting!