Thursday, March 3, 2016

When Is Winter Finished? Please?

Another Thursday, another week gone by. Hello everyone. This winter is now getting me down. I'm fed up with cold, snow and just yuk. Everyone that I have spoken to feels the same so, that's do something about it. 


He's drunk at the bar

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.

The results showed a reading of 0.0.

The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy


Catch a drunk driver

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.

The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"

"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."

"What fer?", asked Bubba.

"Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"

"No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."


The reason for running

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.

The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."

The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"


A test for being drunk

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.

He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."

"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."

"Well, then we need a urine sample."

"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."

"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."

"I can't do that, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm too drunk to do that!"



Don't you just love cops & babies. I arranged this because everyone loves babies and unfortunately lately the police have been treated badly. Police should always be treated with respect. There might be some bad one but what about all the great ones. The officers in my town are just great. I've even spent time with one for 6 hours while on duty and I was shocked with what they have to deal with. I know that I doubt that the everyday person wouldn't know how to deal with what the police have to do. 


That's about it for today my friends. I hope that you all have a wonderful Thursday.

                                                                           " SEE YA "



  1. I absolutely love, LOVE. LOVE that "designated decoy" joke. I didn't see that coming and I laughed out loud and scared the dog. I also love all the baby jokes. We have a 3 day old baby in the family so your timing was great.

    By the way, you asked where I live. Just north of Grand Rapids, MI.

  2. Loved all the jokes as always.

    Thanks for the nice words about cops. It's a hard job when I worked and it's even harder now. It's not right one bit. Weed out the bad as you do in every other profession. Don't demonize all of them. Without cops can you imagine the anarchy. I know you can.

    I hope winter goes away fro you very soon. I know how you love the good weather months, and the bumblebee and being outside.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  3. Great funnies. Yes, cops should be respected. Everywhere.

    Come on Spring!

    Big hugs, honey...

  4. LOL @ the jokes and expressions on those babies faces :-)

    I totally agree about the police most are great and should be respected, you never know when you might need them :-)

    Have a snowlesstastic day Paul :-)

  5. You are right that officers deserve our respect, and they have mine. Boudreaux was the designated decoy once, too.
    May winter turn tail and run as spring chases it!

  6. Loving all your fabulous jokes! They are all so funny!


Thanks for commenting!