Monday, May 2, 2016

May 2nd, A Wet & Cold Monday

Good morning everyone. As I said, it's still  wet & cold. Somebody messed up with the weather. I went to see my Aunt & Uncle yesterday. It was their 50th anniversary. This July it will be my 42 years of blessed life with my wonderful wife, Mary Lou. Our life has been tough since my stroke, but with the strength of my wife, we are still going on. How many years have you been married with your special person? 

Bragging About Son Joke Three old ladies are sitting around a table playing bridge and bragging about their sons. “My Freddie,” said Margaret, “Everyone should be so lucky to have a son like my Freddie. Once a week he brings me a huge bouquet of flowers, he’s constantly bringing me out to restaurants to eat, if I so much as hint that I want something the next morning it’s on my doorstep.” “That’s very nice about your Freddie”, says Gertrude. “But with all due respect, when I think about the way my Sammy takes care of me, it just can’t compare. Every morning as soon as I wake up he greets me with bacon and freshly brewed coffee. Every lunch he comes over and cooks me a gourmet lunch, and every supper he brings me to his house for supper, he truly treats me like a queen.” “WELL!” Says Barbara “I don’t want to make any of you feel bad or anything, but wait until you hear about my Harry, twice a week he pays someone $200 an hour just so he can lie on their couch and talk to them, and who do you think he speaks about at those prices? Asks Barbara with a big excited double chin smile, “I’ll tell you who he speaks about! ALL HE SPEAKS ABOUT IS ME!”

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I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject t o blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

 Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turned to the other and said:
'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.
I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim said, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.''Really!? Like a newborn baby?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

I was out walking with my 4-year-old granddaughter.
She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.
I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
"Why?" my granddaughter asked.
"Because it's been on the ground. You don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs," I replied.
At this point, my granddaughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Grandma, how do you know all this stuff?
“You are so smart.”
I was thinking quickly, "All Grandmas know this stuff. It's on the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Grandma."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.
"Oh...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test, you have to be the Grandpa."
"Exactly," I replied.

 Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said,
"You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful."
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."



 Well that's it for today. I'm hoping to go golfing soon as long as it gets warmer. Last week my friend Gerry asked me if I wanted to golf and I said OK. The day that he was to pick me up, it was 42 degrees. I called Gerry and said I felt that that was to cold for me. He said I know what you're saying and said he'll call me next week. I hope he'll call and I hope it's going to be warmer. Have a wonderful Monday. 

                                                                            " SEE YA "


  1. I know you have a wonderful wife Paul. Hubby and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary last Friday. This is our second time around. We both got it right this time.

    Loved all the jokes and especially the Navy guy bunking with the air force guy. Good one.

    Have a fabulous day my friend. ☺

  2. Hi Paul. You and your wife look great in the photo. I have been married to my special person for 36 years. The joke about the Navy guy and Air Force guy makes me laugh!

  3. Another set of great joke, Paul. I especially like the exercise an hour vs. being dead 24.

    I had 42 years with my husband. Glad you'll have an anniversary to celebrate soon. After a stroke those anniversaries become even more important, don't they.

  4. That is a long time Paul what a great marriage, I am single as no one will put up with me lmao joking, my mum and dad was married 50 years before my mum passed away.

    Loved the jokes my butt snores too what a coincidence :-)

    Have a tanfastic day Paul :-)

  5. Heeheehee! Great jokes, and i hope you had a great Monday!

  6. My honey and I rack up #48 this July. Not sure how that happened, since I'm still 42 years old! Ha!

    Thanks for all the funnies. Sure hope you get warm weather and another round or two of golf soon.

    Big hugs, honey...


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