Warm Tuesday

Well I went to the doctor's yesterday and he said I have to have a scan on my lumbar what ever that is. We'll see what happens. Gerry should be coming home soon from his Alaskan cruise and hopefully I'll be able to get back to playing golf.

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The Cruise!

Three friends - two straight guys and a gay guy - and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned.
They each had to come before St. Peter to be admitted into heaven.
First came one of the straight guys and his wife.
St. Peter shook his head sadly.
"I can't let you in. You loved money too much.
You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny."
Then came the second straight guy.
"Sorry, can't let you in, either." said St. Peter. "You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"
The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously...
"It's not looking good for us Dick."

The Cruise

A guy went to a travel agent and tried to book a two week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. The travel agent said that all the ships were booked up and things were very tight, but that he would see what he could do. A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could now get them onto a three day cruise. The guy agreed and went to the drugstore to buy three Dramamine's and three condoms.Next day, the agent called back and said that he now could book a five day cruise. The guy said, "I'll take it," and returned to the same pharmacy, to buy two more Dramamine's and two more condoms.The following day, the travel agent called yet again and said he could now book an eight day cruise. The guy agreed, and went back to the drugstore. He asked for three more Dramamine and three more condoms.The pharmacist looked sympathetically at him and said, "Look, if it makes you sick, why do you keep doing it?"

Princess Nursing home

About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner.
At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters,
busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady.
I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.
As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises".
She replied, "Yes, that's true. It's cheaper than a nursing home".
After talking with her, I decided there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship.
The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long-term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:
1. Gratuities, which will only be $10 per day.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).
3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip, you are on Medicare; if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship, they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go?
Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.
PS: And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at NO EXTRA CHARGE.

Passengers aboard an elegant cruise yacht were having a great party when a beautiful young girl fell overboard. Immediately there was an 80-year-old man in the water who rescued her. The sailors pulled them both out of the treacherous waters. The captain was grateful as well as astonished that the old man performed such an act of bravery. And that night a luxurious banquet was given in honor of the cruise yacht’s elderly hero. He was called forward to receive an award and was asked to say a few words. He said, “First of all, I’d like to know who pushed me!”

A married couple was on a sailing cruise when the weather turned stormy and the windy wallop of a wild wave washed the whisky wrenched husband overboard. Rescue teams failed, all hope was lost. Suddenly 2 weeks later the widowed wife was told her husband’s body had been found. “We hauled him up on deck,” said the leader of the search crew. “And attached to his body was an oyster containing a beautiful pearl worth about $50,000. What would you like us to do?” The now wealthy widow wondered for a moment and then said “Hand over the pearl and re-bait the trap.”

 

 

 

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An elderly aboard a party cruise ship was not impressed by the lively jazz band basting their horns in one of the shipboard restaurants. When her waiter comes around, she asks, “Will they play anything I ask?” “Of course, my lady!” replies the waiter. “Then tell them to go play shuffleboard!”

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That's it for now. As you can see, I'm thinking about cruising. Oh how I wish January was here so I could be on the Carnival Vista. Oh well, it will get there soon. Have a fun today my good friends.

                                                           
                                                                       " SEE YA "