Happy Saturday

Good Saturday morning friends. Well my phone has been fixed for now. I hope that it's fixed forever but knowing Bell, I'm never sure. When you are dealing with a big conglomerate, you never know how they will treat you.
When I thought about what to write about today in my post, I thought about my friends Sandee, Zane and the many police friends and my three past students at St. Bernard who were children at that times but today they are officers in the Amherstburg police force and the third is a detective in London, Ontario. and thinking about what has been going these last two weeks about the policemen being gunned down, I thought about doing a post for them giving some relaxation time to sit down and at least laugh a little during this bad time. I'm proud knowing them and I hope that people in this world wake up to realize that are always going to be bad people in all jobs not just police. What people have to realize is that there are so many great policemen in our world that are there to help us. Just think about that when you see a policeman today.

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While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back. They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.

The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor?"
The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor."

Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?"
The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor."

The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?"
The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President."

This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: "Now who is more important than the President?!"
The policeman calmly whispered: "I'll put it to you this way chief. I don't know who is this guy, but he has the pope as his chauffeur."

Late one Friday night a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later ..." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."
Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?"

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses." The woman answered "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied "I don't care who you know! You're getting a ticket

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Well that's it for today. I hope that you have enjoyed some of these funny, happy pictures and jokes. The next time I'll write about teachers and then I'll laugh about me, because I was a teacher for over 31 years. Have a wonderful Saturday everyone.

                                                                            " SEE YA "


 

Dangerous Heat Sunday

Hi everyone. It has been very hot for many days in the high 90's. On Friday I went golfing and it was in the 90's. Was so bad that I wasn't able to play the 18th hole. I was bushed. I had drank 3 full containers of water and I still was feeling bad. Oh well, I enjoy golf but the next time it's in 90's, I'm staying home.
I've been having a serious problem on my phone since Tuesday with Bell. I've had days with no dial tone, times when I could call out but for 6 days no one has been able to call my home. I've been dealing with people from Bell, they've sent men to check and they always say it has been fixed but I'm still having difficult problems. They are sending another tech over tomorrow to try to fix it again. They have told me that they having difficulties in the area and it's got nothing to co with my line but I still having problems. I'm getting stressed out at this time. It seems that these people are jerks. They all say they are going to help me, but guess what, nothing works. Oh well, my wife says relax, not's your problem, it's theirs. HUH!

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It was Friday, and four nuns went to the priest at the local Catholic 
church to ask for the weekend off. They argued back and forth for a few 
minutes.
Finally the priest agreed to let them leave the convent for the weekend.
 "However",he said, "as soon as you get back Monday morning I want you 
to confess to me what you did over the weekend." The four nuns agree, 
and run off. Monday comes, and the four nuns return. The first nun goes 
to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The 
priest asks, "What did you do, Sister?" 
She replies, "I watched an R-rated movie." The priest looks up at heaven
for a few seconds, then replies, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy
water." The first nun leaves, and the fourth nun begins to chuckle
quietly under her breath.

The second nun then goes up to the priest and says, "Forgive me , Father,
for I have sinned." The priest replies, "OK, what happened?" She says, 
"I was driving my brother's car down the street in front of his house, 
and I hit a neighbors dog and killed it." The priest looks up to heaven 
for half a minute, then says,"You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water."
The second nun goes out. 

By this time, the fourth nun is laughing quite audibly.
Then the third nun walks to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I
have sinned." The priest asks, "Out with it. What did you do?" She says,
"Last night, I ran naked up and down Main Street." The priest looks up at 
heaven for a full five minutes before responding, "God forgives you. Go 
and drink the holy water." She leaves. The fourth nun falls on the floor, 
laughing so hard tears run down her cheeks.

The priest asks her, "OK. What did you do that was so bloody funny?"
The fourth nun replies, "I peed in the holy water..."

Wild Nuns
A cop pulls over a car load of nuns. The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?" The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!" The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful." At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible." The Sister answers, "Oh, we just got off Highway 101."

Nun Decorators
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

Pregnant Nun
Pat is not feeling very well and he decides to go to a doctor.
While he is waiting in the doctor's reception room, a nun comes out of the doctor's office. She looks very ashen, drawn and haggard. Pat goes into the doctor's office and says to the doctor: "I just saw a nun leaving who looked absolutely terrible. I have never seen a woman look worse." The doctor says: "I just told her that she is pregnant." Pat exclaims: "Oh my, is she?" The doctor responds: "No, but it sure cured her hiccups."

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I guess I'd better start praying and asking God for forgiveness with all of these nun jokes but heck, they were funny.  Have a hot, but stay cool Sunday my friends

                                                                       " SEE YA "

 

Fantastic Tuesday

Good morning everyone especially those of my blogger friends that comment every time on my blog. Since I decided not to write every day, my true friends check on my blog. That's OK since I've also cut down on blogs reading myself. How can i expect a person to read mine if I'm not reading someone else's. 
Today is going to be one of the better weather days but as the day moves on, Oh my goodness. It's going to be into the high 90's and it's going to feel like it's over 100. Yuk! On Friday morning I'm going to play golf. I plan on bringing some ice water with me. 
Gerry came over yesterday to play some pool. He liked the walls that my wife painted. She did a fantastic job.
After I'm finished with this blog, I'm going to town to buy some groceries. 

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A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table,she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked, “Is my time up?” God said, “No,you have another 43 years,2 months and 8 days to live.” Upon recovery,the woman decided to stay in hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, and brighten her teeth! Crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by ambulance. Arriving in front of God,she demanded, “I thought you said i had another 43 years?” Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?” God replied: “I didn’t recognize you!”

What did God say after creating Adam?

I can do better.

What did God say after she made Eve?

Practice makes perfect.

 

When was the longest day in the Bible?

The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.

 

 

After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her."

Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a kiss?" So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that Was enjoyable."

And the Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I'd like you to caress Eve." And Adam said, "What is a caress'? So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.

Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss." And the Lord said, "You've done well, Adam. And now I want you to make love to Eve." And Adam asked, "What is 'make love' Lord?"' So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds.

And Adam said, "Lord, what is a headache?"

 

 

 

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Briton "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

 

 

 

Little Susie was watching her father, a pastor, write a sermon.

"How do you know what to say?" she asked.

"Why, God tells me."

"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

 

A soldier ran up to a Nun. Out of breath he asked: "Please, may I hide under your skirt I'll explain later."

The nun accepted his request.

A moment later, two Military Police ran up and asked: "Sister have you seen a soldier?"

The nun replied: "He went that way."

After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister. I hope you will understand, "I don't want to go to Iraq."

The nun said: "I understand completely".

The soldier added: "I hope I am not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"

The nun replied: "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of ballsI don't want to go to Iraq either."

 

 

 

 

 

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Well that's it for today. Have a lovely Tuesday my friends. Think about all those people in Cleveland with the Republican Convention. I watched it last night and all I saw were people angry but of course I did see one beautiful thing and that was Melania Trump. 

 

 

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Hot, Hot, Hot Wednesday

Good morning friends. This is a very special day for my wife and I. It's our 42nd wedding anniversary
                                                               42 years ago

                                                                       and today

 



I'm so proud of Mary Lou. She was able to stick around with me for this long. Ha,ha,ha. After my stroke and other difficulties that I've had, after three children as everyone know that children can be
a challenge though loving them, Mary Lou has kept herself physically beautiful ( I try but not as good as she. ) and having to do a great deal of the physical work out side ( I'm been having a great deal problems that I can't do things outside in my yard ), Mary Lou doesn't worry about them, she just just enjoys it. So as you can see, I LOVE that woman and I hope that God willing, I'll be with her for  many year to go.

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Funny jokes about husband - Remarry
A husband asks his wife:
- If I die, will you remarry?
- Of course no, darling, I will stay with my sister. And if I die, will you remarry?
- No, I will also stay with your sister.

Marriage
A couple is celebrating their 30 years anniversary of marriage. The husband asks his wife:
- We have grown 12 kids. But Johnny is different from the rest. Please, tell me honestly, I will forgive you, but I wanna know – maybe you have cheated on me?
The wife replies:
- Yes, I was. Johnny is your real son

A box
After the marriage the bride put a box next to her bed and told her husband never to open and check, what’s inside of it. 40 years passed and the husband impatiently opened the box and found there 3 empty bottles of beer and 14000$.
In the evening during the dinner he tells his wife:
- Darling, I have to admit, I opened the box. Would you explain why there are 3 bottles?
- You see, whenever I cheated on you, I emptied a bottle of beer and put it in a box…
The husband gives it a pause and thinks: well, 3 time, that isn’t so much…
- And why do you keep the 14000$ there?
- Well, when the bottles do not fit in the box, I return them and get back the deposit.

VehicleThree men die and come to the gate. St. Peter says:
-From now on all men will travel to paradise, and let them in. St. Peter comes to the first and asks how many times he was unfaithful? First men estimates about 20 times. St. Peter says: - Here is you an old car to ride in the paradise.
Asks the second:
-How many times you were unfaithful? Second response: -10 times.
St.Peter gives him the Mersedes to ride in the  paradise. Comes to the third one and
asks: -Well and how many times you were  unfaithful. Men responses: -Mr. Peter,
I loved my wife very much and I was faithful to her all my life. St. Peter does
not believe, looks seriously at his book and notice that man doesn't lie. So for
his loyalty he gives him Jaguar to ride on the sky.
After some time St. Peter met the third man with the Jaguar, who looks all upset and unhappy. -What happened to you, you have Jaguar, why you look so  upset?, ask ST. Peter. The man response: -You see, after half a year I met my  wife, you know I do ride with the Jaguar, while she only with roller skating..

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy! 

 

 

Husband & Wife - Love Your Enemy

From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy." "Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now ."

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Husband & Wife - Wedding Ring

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? " The other replied, " Yes I am, I married the wrong man. "

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Husband & Wife - Why ?

" Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms. " Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, " Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax ."

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That's it for now my wonderful friends. I wish I could show you the card mary Lou gave this morning but it's to long. I will just let you know what the card sees' Here they are

 

Marriage is like FOOTBALL, HUDDLE, but    RUSHING!

 

Marriage is like   TIME OUT but she's the referee, UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT ( forgot to put the lid down!

 

Marriage is like working together CLIPPING NEWS PAPER CLIPPING and after she HANDS OFF ( the remote for the TV )

 

Marriage is BACKFIELD IN MOTION ( watching her as she walks WOW! ), FORWARD PASS ( I think you know what that is.)  , OFFSIDES ( when I take all the covers )

but the most important

Marriage is when she is SACKING THE QUARTERBACK ( ME )

We make a GREAT TEAM!

                              Happy Anniversary   

                                                                     LOVE  Mary Lou

I just love her card.  Sorry for being so mushy but I'm that type of man.

                                                                       " SEE YA "

 

                         

 

 

 

         MARY LOU

 

                   and

Warm Sunday Morning

Good morning friends. Well the weather has been pretty good lately but as we enter this week they say it will be in the 90's and humid. I guess, you can never get the proper weather. Our daughter tells us that she wishes that it was winter because it's to hot in the summer and in the winter she says to us it's to cold she wishes it was summer. She can never satisfied. I guess that is what is wrong with humans, they can never be satisfied. As far as I'm concerned, I take whatever the day gives to me and deal with it to the best of my ability. What do you think?

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A Young Couple

A young couple was out cruising one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off all of your clothes?" She agrees and he begins to speed up.
When the speedometer hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her clothes off, he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car over.
The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. "Go get help.", he pleads. She replies, "I can't, I'm naked."
He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says "Cover your crotch with that and go get help from the gas station down the road."
She takes the shoe, covers herself between the legs, and runs to the gas station down the road. When she arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "HELP! HELP! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch and replies with some astonishment, "I think he's too far in!"

Little Johnny's "Bookish" Father

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.
She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today."
The first student raised her hand to volunteer.
"Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first."
Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny."
The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?"
Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie."
"Very good," the teacher told Kevin.
Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..."
Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again.
Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next.
Johnny said, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."

Girlfriend - Boyfriend 

---

The sweet, caring, loyal, loving boyfriend -
never fights,
never argues,
never takes advantage,
never leaves,
never slaps,
never makes you cry,
never hurts,
.
.
.
and doesn’t exist!

Dianne goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor, I've got a bit of a problem. I'll have to take my clothes off to show you."

The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe. She does so, and the doctor goes round to see her when she is ready.

"Well, what is it?" he asks.

"It's a bit embarrassing," she replies. "These two green circles have appeared on the inside of my thighs."

The doctor examines her and finally admits he has no idea what the cause is. Then he suddenly asks, "Is your boyfriend a Harley rider?"

The woman blushes and says, "Well, actually he is."

"That's the problem," the doctor says. "Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."

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That's about it for now my friends. Have an enjoyable, warm but breezy Sunday.

 
                                                                       " SEE YA "