2020

I hope that all my good blogging friends enjoy New Year's Eve and prepare for a wonderful 2020. I pray that health and wealth will be present each and every day.

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 Cruisin Paul

 
 

The Day After Christmas

Well me made it another year. Christmas is finished and now it's new Years time. From 2019 to 2020. I received a envelope from the town I live in Christmas Eve. It scared the hell out of me because it said I may have to pay $1500 to the town because of a work they are going to do in Pointe West. I talked with my neighbor Ron and thank God he knows more about this than I do and he informed me that it had nothing to do with me or my neighbors. He said that the most we have to pay is $150. I'm smiling now.

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A New Year's Wish

On News Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up the local pub 

and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of 

midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing 

next to the one person who made his life worth 

living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the 

clock struck - the bartender was almost crushed to 

death.

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A Bad Dream

Jemimena was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's  before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, " I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring. What do you think it all means? " Aha, you'll know tonight answered Max smiling broadly. At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached her  and handed her a small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a small book entitled " The meaning of Dreams."

 Senator McConnel in the USA in the Congress was 

once asked about his 

attitude toward whisky. "If you mean the demon 

drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, 

desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then

I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New 

Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable 

potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to 

comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This 

is my position, and I will not compromise." Sounds 

like him.

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  " Happy New Year's Eve My Friends "


Cruisin Paul

Merry Christmas To All

Well my friends, this will be my last blog until after Christmas. So this is for you.

 

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           Peace and Love my Friends.


Cruisin Paul

 

SNOW Is Here Wednesday

Good morning friends.Well, it's 7 days until Christmas. I hope you all have your gifts boughts. Wes called me and the saga of my fob has reached a another change. He informed me that he couldn't figure the problem so I would have take this to Country Side Chevrolet in Essex where they have a machine that could fix this fob. Since my Camero is in the garage for the winter, I'll have to wait until April.  People tell me that to change a fob it should take no more then 5 minutes. Nuts.

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What A Boy Wants For Christmas

David remembers accompanying his father out shopping in the toy department of Macy's one Christmas Eve.

Dad said, 'What a marvellous train set. I'll buy it.'
The girl behind the counter looked pleased and murmured, 'Great, I'm sure your son will really love it.'
Dad replied with a glint in his eye, 'Maybe you're right.  In that case I'll take two.'

One particular Christmas season a long time ago Santa was ready for his Christmas run... but there

were problems. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the

regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus

told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to

harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the

fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of

the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went

into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered

that the elves had hid the bottle and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally

dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to

get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang

and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great

big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day?

I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?" Thus

began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

  
A guy decides to buy his new girlfriend a pair of gloves for Christmas. After all, they've only been

dating for three weeks so it seems like the ideal gift - romantic, yet not too personal.

He asks the girlfriend's younger sister to accompany him to buy them then she can point out a pair

she'd like. They go to the mall and the sister points out a pair of white gloves which the guy then

buys.

The sister then picks up a pair of panties for herself and buys them.

But during the wrapping, the clerk mixes up the parcels without anyone realising. As a result, the

sister gets the gloves and the guy takes home a gift box containing the panties.

Without checking, the guy rushes the gift to his sweetheart, but only after drafting this loving and

helpful note to accompany it:

 "I chose these because I notice you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the

evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she

wears the short ones that are easier to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she'd been wearing for

the last three weeks and they were hardly soiled.

I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time. There's no doubt other hands will come in

contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally

be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for the
coming Christmas Eve.

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."

I wonder what kind of Christmas gift will he get?

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Why does Santa always go down the chimney?

Because it soots him.

( that's one of Santa's favorite jokes! Ho, Ho, Ho!)

Where does Santa stay when he's on holidays?

At a Ho - Ho Hotel!  

What does Mrs. CLaus sing to Santy on his birthday?

" Freeze a jolly good fellow!"

What does Santa put on his toast?

" Jingle Jam "

  

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 " This is the End of my Christmas Blogs. I hope that you, my friends have enjoyed the jokes and funny pictures. Soon I'll be preparing my blogs for my cruise. Oh yes, I'm ready to go. Have a Very Merry Christmas to you all. "

Cruisin Paul

Still No Sun Saturday, Blah.

Good Morning, good morning, good morning. 
Well, I took my Camero off the road for the winter. As far as the fob is concerned, when I put my car back on the road, I'll finish with this fob problem. Everyone tells me changing a fob takes no more then 5 minutes. My problem I guess deals with a difficulty  at the factory. It had to be my Camero. Oh well.

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Little Johnny's Christmas

It is near the Christmas school break. The teacher has turned in all her grades. All the kids are restless because there is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day.

The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question".

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go". Johnny was MAD.

The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go". Johnny was even MADDER than before.

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy". The teacher said, "That's right Nancy . You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD.

Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut".

The teacher whirled around and asked, "WHO SAID THAT?"

Homework Dog

"Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand. "My dog ate it," was his solemn response. "Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?"
"It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "I covered it with peanut butter and he woofed it down."

   

 

Teacher: Class, you have 30 minutes to write a composition on the subject of Baseball.

Little Johnny: Here's my paper.

Teacher: Little Johnny, you spent only one minute writing your essay.

Lets hear what you wrote


Little Johnny: Game called off on account of rain.

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                          " Enjoy Today. See Ya. "


 Cruisin Paul

 

 

Christmas is Coming Wednesday

Good morning everyone. The Sun was out once, but now it's gone. 
I have to go back to Thrasher's to continue figuring out what to do about this car fob. Everything there should work out this darn thing is just not doing what it's suppose to do. Oh well, that's the problem with these fandangle things. 

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Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort - one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no room. The hotel is full."
      
      The Jewish lady said, "But your sign says that you have vacancies."
      
      The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town..."
      
      Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeable and said, "I'll have you know I converted to your religion."
      
      The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?"
      
      Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem."
      
      "Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more."
      
      Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger."
      
      "That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And why was he born in a manger?"
      
      Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly, "Because a jerk like you in the hotel wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night!"

nce upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life was, of course "perfect."
      
      One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a SUV) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple they stopped to help.
      
      There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
      
      Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
      
      Who was the survivor?
      
      The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
      
      So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was an accident.

  

Christmas Present

A little boy wants a bike for Christmas really badly, but the kid is a real bad seed, and he knows it.

He writes a letter to Jesus. “Dear Jesus, if I get a bike for Christmas, I’ll be good for a whole week.”

He thinks about it, crosses out what he wrote, and says, “I can’t be good for a whole week, I’ll be

good for five days.” He crosses that out and writes, “I’ll be good for four days.” Then he thinks again

and says, “Can’t do that.” He gets down to one day and says, “I can’t even be good for a day.”

 Then in frustration, goes in his mother’s room and get the statue of the Virgin Mary, wraps it up in a

blanket, puts it in a paper bag, throws it in the closet and says, “Dear Jesus, if I don’t get a bike for

Christmas, you’ll never see your mother again!”

  Cryptic Christmas Card

A man sent his friend a cryptic Christmas card. It said: A B C D E F G H I J
 
K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z. The recipient puzzled over it for weeks,
 
finally gave up and wrote asking for an explanation. In July he received the
 
explanation on a postcard:  " No L ".

True story

The nativity play was going as planned and Joseph and Mary were going from house 

to house knocking on the doors and asking it there was any room for them. As they 

continued to get "no room" answers a little voice called from the back "YOU 

SHOULD HAVE BOOKED!" bringing the house down.

Lisa thanks her grandpa, "Thank you Grandpa for the violin you gave me last year 

for Christmas. I've never got such a brilliant gift!"
 
"Really?" asks the surprised Grandpa.
 
Lisa says, "Oh yeah - every time I start playing, mom gives me 2 dollars so I would 

stop!" 

 
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 " See Ya Friends Until Another Day "


Cruisin Paul