It Was Raining But Now It's Sunny Thursday

Let's try it again. This morning I wrote a post about Weddings. I had just finished my Cruisin Paul and as I began to click the word Publish and ..........the power went off. Aggggggggg. I did say something else but for the respect of my friends I'll just say Aggggggggg.
A wedding. I can remember my wedding way back in Saturday July 13th, 1974. This July 13th my wife and I will have been married for 44 years.

Love- When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
Lust- When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
Marriage- When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.

Love- When intercourse is called making love.
Lust- When intercourse in called screwing.
Marriage- When intercourse is a little town in Pennsylvania.

Love- When you argue over how many kids to have.
Lust- When you argue over w ho gets the wet spot.
Marriage- When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.

Love- When you share everything you own.
Lust- When you steal everything they own.
Marriage- When the bank owns everything.

Love- When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
Lust- When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
Marriage- When.... uh.... what's a climax.

Hot and Bothered

There's this couple and they've been dating for quite some time. He wants her really bad, but she won't sleep with him because she's saving herself for marriage. As they were kissing, and doing their thing, he's very hot and bothered, and he said, "Oh come on, just a feel."

She said, "No, I'm saving myself for marriage."

They went back and forth. He said, "Just one feel, I promise, that's all, just one feel."

She finally agreed, "Okay, just one feel, but that's all, just one, I'm saving myself for marriage."

So he puts his hand down her panties and takes a little feel. Things are getting a lot warmer and he asks, "Can't we please?"

She of course states, "NO, I'm saving myself for marriage."

He says, "Please, please?" and she says, "No, absolutely not, I'm saving myself for marriage."

He says, "How about if I agree to only just put the tip in?"

She says, "No way, I'm saving myself for marriage."

He begs and pleads with her, "I promise, just the tip, no more,and we'll stop after that." She finally gives in, "Okay, but just the tip, no more, and that's all."

He says okay and pulls down her panties and puts the tip in... he so hot and ready that he can't control himself and shoves it the whole way in and starts going to town... she meanwhile is moaning and groaning and shouts, "OKAY, GO AHEAD, PUT IT THE WHOLE WAY IN!"

A little stunned, he says, "NO, absolutely not, a deals a deal!"  

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box." The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!" The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!"

Julia tells her husband, "James, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can't you do that?" "Gosh," James says, "why I hardly know the girl."

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car. ‘What’s up?’ says the driver. ‘Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,’ says the policeman. ‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’

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                     " See ya until another time. "

Cruiin Paul

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Sunny Saturday

Good morning everyone. Spring has sprung. It's warming up nicely and it's time to start spring cleaning, inside and out. Oh how exciting.

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                                 Grandparents are Funny

Grandparents Piano Escape

Little Ben came into the house with a new harmonica. 'Grandpa, do you mind if I play this in here?'
'Of course not, Ben. I love music. In fact, when your Grandma and I were young, music saved my life.'
'What happened?'
'Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood. The dam broke, and when the water hit our house, it knocked it right off the foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table and floated out safely.'
'How about you?'
'Me? I accompanied her on the piano!'

Grandfather in The Ark?

My sister's eldest boy liked nothing better than to sit on his grandfather's knee and have stories read to him.  One day after a story about Noah's ark, and how Noah led pairs of animals to the safety of the ark. 
The little boy asked, 'Granddad, you are very old, were you in Noah's ark?' Gosh no', said Granddad.' In that case, how come you didn't drown when the flood came?'


( Smart little kid )

A Hilarious Tale To Make You Laugh
Grandma Quinn is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. Her granddaughter Jacqueline Pearson, who lives in Boston, Massachusetts, USA, sent Will and Guy this letter and asked that it be put on the site.
We have to admit, this story had Will laughing out loud.
Dear Grand-daughter
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus ' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus!  While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!' 'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
Will write again soon,
Love, Grandma

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Cruisin Paul

 

Tuesday Before Hump Day ( Wednesday )

Good evening everyone. It's been a pretty good day and tomorrow is Spring. It seems that the weather is starting to improve. My friend Gerry dropped by to see how I'm doing after my fall at Maria's Restaurant. I really hit the floor hard with my head. The floor is OK. I didn't dent it a bit. While Gerry was here, he brought me some golf balls. He wanted me to start practicing my putting.

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One Too Many

This guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. As he sits drinking, he notices a peanut jump out of the dish before him. The peanut proceeds to talk, "hey there buddy," it hollers, "you're looking mighty fine tonight!" The guy can't believe what he is seeing. 'This sure is some strong beer!' He thinks to himself before getting up to go to the toilet. On his way back to the bar, the guy walks past a cigarette machine which appears to speak, "hey asshole, go screw yourself!" it yells. The guy can't believe it and decides to ask the bartender what's going on. "Hey bartender, I swear to god that one of those peanuts over there just started a conversation with me and on the way back from the men's room, your cigarette machine just swore at me.'' "Let me explain," replies the bartender "the peanuts are complimentary and the cigarette machine is out of order."

Three Irish Brothers

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three glasses of Guinness, drinking them one at a time. Noticing this odd ritual, the bartender explains that the beer goes flat when poured and informs the man his beer would be much fresher if he ordered one glass at a time. The Irishman explains he began this custom with his two brothers, who have moved to America and Australia, respectively. This is their way of remembering all the time they spent drinking together. The man becomes a regular at the pub, well-known for always ordering three beers at once. One day he walks in and orders only two beers. Assuming the worst, a hush falls among other patrons. When the Irishman returns to the bar to order his second round, the bartender quietly offers his condolences. The man looks confused for a moment, and then explains, "No, everyone's fine. I gave up beer for lent."

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then, finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a pleasant smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather At the River.'"

The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?"

"There is." he replied, "Breakfast."

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Arrive naked ... with beer 

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 " SEE YA FOR NOW "

      Cruisin Paul                                                       

Irish Sunday

Good morning all my Irish friends or those who want to be Irish today. In Chicago they turn the river green. Would you want to jump into river today? No, because it's to damn cold. LOL Well let's get today rollin.

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Digging a Hole

A passer-by watched two Irishmen in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again. 'Tell me, 'said the passer-by, 'What on earth are you doing?' 'Well, 'said the digger, 'Usually there are three of us. I dig, Fergal plants the tree and Sean fills in the hole. Today Fergal is away unwell, but that doesn't mean Sean and I have to take the day off, does it?'

Texan Visits Galway

The Texan paid a visit to Galway, Ireland.  I enters a pub and raises his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He shouts, 'I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' fools. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back.' The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan's offer. Paddy Murphy gets up and leaves the bar. Thirty minutes later, he shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder.  Is your bet still good?' asks Paddy. The Texan answers, 'Yes, 'and he orders the barman to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately, Paddy downs all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back to back.  The other pub patrons cheer and the Texan sits down in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and asks, 'If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?' Paddy Murphy replies, 'Oh................... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.'

 The warden catches Seamus leaving the vicinity of the reservoir with a bucket of fish.

"Aha!  I've caught you poachin' fish red-handed," says the warden.

"What do you mean, red-handed?" says Seamus.

"You've got a bucket full of 'em right there.  You can't talk your way out of it this time."

"Oh, you don't understand," says Seamus, "I've not poached a thing.  These are me pet fish.

I bring 'em to the reservoir once a week for exercise.

After they've had a good swim, they come back to the bucket and we go back home."

"Do ya expect me to believe such a tale?"

"I can prove it." say Seamus.

So they walk back to the reservoir and Seamus dips the bucket in and the fish swim away.

They stand in silence for 20, 30, 40 minutes...no sign of the fish coming back to the pail.

Ha, ya lying rogue! shouts the warden.

"Where are your fish?"

"What fish?"

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                   " SEE YA MY FRIENDS "


Cruisin Paul

 

Tuesday Evening With No Sun

Good evening my friends, especially those who are able to get my blog. With this Google+ being taken away, some of my good friends have been unable to get back into my blog. As I get older everyday, I been thinking about this blog writing. Some day I will being say " adios " but not today. 

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At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto , they have weekly husband's marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, "Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!" The priest responded, "Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?" Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet.

One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.

Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

"Yes it is," the man replies.

"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.

"No thanks," the man replies.

"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.

"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he is in.

"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies. "TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position.

The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.

"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.

"Yes it is," replies the man.

"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.

"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.

"Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed.

The next weekend, the little boy's father says "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."

"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.

"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.

"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.

"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness", the father explains as he hauls the child away.

At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

"Don't you start that shit in here," the priest says. 

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One morning a man comes into the church on crutches. He stops in front of the holy water and splashes some of it on both of his legs, then throws away his crutches.

An altar boy witnessed the scene and runs into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.

Without batting an eye, the priest says, "Son, you've just witnessed a miracle. Tell me, where is this man?"

"Flat on his ass, Father, over by the holy water." 

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                                        " See Ya My Friends "


Cruisin Paul

Friday Night Very Cold

Good evening friends. There are a couple things that are on mind. Yes I do have a mind. LOL.
One, is how people today treat others so rudely to one another. Before we never acted to one another. What's causing this? The respect to one another has disappeared. 

Second, I've found, Netflix. The shows and movies are fantastic. That's all I'll say about that because I have to get my post completed so that  can watch my show on Netflix.

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."  

A husband exclaims to his wife one day, "Your butt is getting really big. It's bigger than the BBQ grill!" Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?" 

A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, "I wish I had bigger tits".

The boyfriend says "Well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months".

"How will that help to make my tits bigger?" asks the girlfriend.

"Well it worked for your ass" says the boyfriend.

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                  " SEE YA SOON FRIENDS "


Cruisin Paul