Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Tuesday Before Hump Day ( Wednesday )

Good evening everyone. It's been a pretty good day and tomorrow is Spring. It seems that the weather is starting to improve. My friend Gerry dropped by to see how I'm doing after my fall at Maria's Restaurant. I really hit the floor hard with my head. The floor is OK. I didn't dent it a bit. While Gerry was here, he brought me some golf balls. He wanted me to start practicing my putting.


One Too Many

This guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. As he sits drinking, he notices a peanut jump out of the dish before him. The peanut proceeds to talk, "hey there buddy," it hollers, "you're looking mighty fine tonight!" The guy can't believe what he is seeing. 'This sure is some strong beer!' He thinks to himself before getting up to go to the toilet. On his way back to the bar, the guy walks past a cigarette machine which appears to speak, "hey asshole, go screw yourself!" it yells. The guy can't believe it and decides to ask the bartender what's going on. "Hey bartender, I swear to god that one of those peanuts over there just started a conversation with me and on the way back from the men's room, your cigarette machine just swore at me.'' "Let me explain," replies the bartender "the peanuts are complimentary and the cigarette machine is out of order."

Three Irish Brothers

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three glasses of Guinness, drinking them one at a time. Noticing this odd ritual, the bartender explains that the beer goes flat when poured and informs the man his beer would be much fresher if he ordered one glass at a time. The Irishman explains he began this custom with his two brothers, who have moved to America and Australia, respectively. This is their way of remembering all the time they spent drinking together. The man becomes a regular at the pub, well-known for always ordering three beers at once. One day he walks in and orders only two beers. Assuming the worst, a hush falls among other patrons. When the Irishman returns to the bar to order his second round, the bartender quietly offers his condolences. The man looks confused for a moment, and then explains, "No, everyone's fine. I gave up beer for lent."

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then, finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a pleasant smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather At the River.'"

The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o'clock in the morning?"

"There is." he replied, "Breakfast."


Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.


Arrive naked ... with beer 



      Cruisin Paul                                                       


  1. Heeheehee! You always make me laugh, but not with you falling, that part is not funny, Please be careful, we want you around for a long, long time.

    1. Thanks for caring about me Mimi. Yes, I want to be around here a little longer.

  2. If I need cheering up, this is the blog to visit! Lol! (Answer to your question, "what is century egg"? Century egg is traditionally prepared by preserving it in a mixture containing charcoal and quicklime for several weeks or months, eaten as a delicacy in China.)

    1. I do hope to make people happy and as the century egg, a black egg isn't for me.Yuk.LOL

  3. The stop drinking wine cracked me up!
    Please tell me you had your head checked for concussion etc.
    Can't afford to not do that Paul!!

    1. Yes Peg, right after our breakfast. The doctor checked my eyes and ears for blood but he said it was OK. He gave me a fall protocal. My head & Back will be sore for awhile but I will live for another day he said.Thanks for caring for me my friend.

  4. How did I miss you fell down? I don't know either. I think I come here each time you post. I hope you're doing okay.

    Love all the jokes. I think the cigarette machine and the peanut one is the best.

    Have a fabulous day, Paul. 😎

    1. Thanks for thinking about me Sandee. I guess my head is hard. They did say years ago after my second brain operation, they said that my skull is harder then ever. Thank God.

  5. Blimey Pauleo how the hell did you fall I am so pleased your ok and you can jike about it and you didn't leave a dent heheh!

    Just be careful you were lucky this time :-)

    I laughed at all the jokes.....No they spread LMAO

    Have a tanfastical week Pauleo :-)

    1. Thanks for caring about my friend. I must have a very hard head thank God. I'm always careful but I always tend to trip over my own shadow I guess.

  6. I hope you are ok. Perhaps the restaurant is more hazardous than the gulf course. At least you're not wineing about it. Sorry for the bad pun.

    1. I'm OK for now. Rhonda, your pun was funny about not wineing. The question was , it red or white. LOL


Thanks for commenting!