Good morning friends. We are in Autumn now and so far it's very warm. Today it's suppose to rain. It;s OK, I'll be inside. There's not much going on in Amherstburg right now. I'll go into town later to buy some things I need.
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to
the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like
to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't
give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll
lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad
things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband
in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's
different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a
second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend
and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back
in court Monday."
On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? "
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o.
Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the
small circle is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," says the judge.
Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"Wow!" says the judge.
"156 people! How did you manage to do that?"
"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says.
"I drew two circles like this: o O.
Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your asshole
before prison... '"
A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer," the man began, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer.
I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, officer, I just wanted to say," "And I said to keep quiet! You're
going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky
for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding... He'll be in a
good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
Eight hours into his trial Paddy pleads guilty.
"Why didn't you plead guilty at the beginning and save the court's time?"
The judge demanded.
"Well," Paddy responded, "until I heard all the evidence I thought I was innocent."
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear husband, I
have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best
time to plant them?"
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replies in a
letter: "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That
is where I hid all the money."
A week or so later, he receives another letter from his wife. "Dear
husband, you wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels
to the house and dug up the back garden."
The prisoner writes back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the
A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.
On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting
sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together.
He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married.
Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in
jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you.
Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"
" See Ya Friends "