Wonderful Saturday

Good morning friends. I've been getting up around 6:00 - 6:30 am for the lat three months. Before that I would get up 8:00 - 8:30am. Suddenly I changed. I have no idea but it's been OK but some days I'm tired in the afternoon. 
The virus is still there but it seems that a lot of people have decided that it's gone from us. Are there crazy? People are still dying. I know that it's summer and it's warming up but we don't have a vaccine that's going to save us. I'm worried.

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A teenage boy had just passed his driving test ...

and asked his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car" The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."

The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.”

The father responded, "Did you also notice that Samson died because his long hair killed, John the Baptist's head was cut off and Moses wasn't able to see the promise land. Are you ready to have a haircut son?

 

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I started a job today at the local cemetery...

The boss wanted me to start 3 graves for some upcoming burials. I went to the maintenance shed to get the backhoe. I didn't see it inside. I found the head of maintenance. A hippie looking guy straight out of the 60's. Long hair, tie dye shirt, peace symbol necklace, bandanna. The whole nine yards. The textbook definition of a hippie. He was even smoking a joint with another one tucked behind hid ear for later on.

I asked where the backhoe was and he said "We don't use those machines. They aren't cool man. They pollute and it ain't good for mother nature. None of the dead can't rest in peace with these machine polluting the air and the ground." He then went on a 30 minute rant about the corporations who make backhoes and how they pollute and hide their money from the IRS and how they don't like hippies.

He then handed me a shovel and said, "You Dig ?"

 

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Two nurses are working at a children's hospital.

While they are checking on their patients, out of nowhere a man wearing doctor's clothing and sporting long hair and a beard shuffles into the ward. Without saying anything to the nurses, he moves around the room, healing all the kids with a few words and hand gestures. He then just as quickly leaves. As he passes by the nurses, they notice that in addition to scrubs, the mystery man is also wearing beach sandals.

One nurse says to the other, "What the heck? Was that... Jesus?"

The second nurse replies, "Yeah, I think so. You know, I didn't recognize him at first because he wasn't wearing his usual clothes."

The first nurse affirms, "He was blessing in disguise."

 

 

 

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      " Though It's Summer, Keep Safe My Friends. "

 

 

Cruisin Paul

                                 

A Beautiful Moday Evening

Good evening everyone. Remember how much rain we were getting? ell this week is the opposite. This week the temperature will be in the upper 80's close to 90 and maybe every night we  might have thunderstorms. 
We 've only had one family go through our home and they loved it but since then none. 
How are you guys during this quarantine time? I'm worried that people will forget about the virus and decide to just do what they want to do and then the virus will go crazy. Please still be safe.

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9 months later!!!

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm
and asked the attractive lady who answered the
door if they could spend the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have
this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors
will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in
the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they
got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, John got an
unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined
that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, 'Keith,
do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about
9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do.' Said Keith.

'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Keith said, a little embarrassed
about being found out,'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'

Keith's face turned beet red and he said,
'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why
do you ask?'

She just died and left me everything. Thanks friend.

 

Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.

The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.

"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."

"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."

The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.

"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."

" I'm a pickpocket "said the third man. " My doctor sent me here."

A woman walks in with a huge grin on her face. Her husband asks "why are you so happy?". She says "I am 45 but my doctor told me that I've the breasts of an 18 year old. "Oh yea" quipped her husband. "What did he say about your 45 year old ass?"

 " Your name never came up ".

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                           Stay safe My Friends


Cruisin Paul

 

Wow, Finally Some Sun Thursday

It's about time that we had the SUN after rain and more rain. Hello friends. How are doing after being quarantined so many days. Have you been going crazy like I have. The only thing I worry about is now that they opening up some areas, will that open up more virus chances for all of us. 
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A cruise ship was in the middle of the sea when suddenly a kid slipped while running and fell off the ship.

Everyone immediately rushed to the side the kid fell from, worried that he would drown, when suddenly a man jumps off and grabs the kid, while holding him with one arm he swims with the other, long enough so that a ladder can get lowered, so he can climb up (with the kid in hand). When he gets top everyone starts calling him a hero, when the mother of the kid goes to him and says "thank you so much, you're a hero"

The guy, in response says: "none of this hero bullshit, who was the asshole that pushed me?"

 

 

 

  

  

Daniel fancied himself quite a ladies man, so when his cruise ship went down in a storm and he found himself stranded on a desert island with six women.

he couldn’t believe his good fortune. They quickly agreed that each woman would have one night a week with the only man.


Daniel threw himself into the arrangement with gusto, working even on his day off, but as the weeks stretched into months, he found himself looking forward to that day of rest more and more eagerly.


One afternoon he was sitting on the beach and wishing for some more men to share his duties when he caught sight of a man waving from a life raft that was bobbing on the waves. Daniel swam out, pulled the raft to shore, and did a little jig of happiness.


“You can’t believe how happy I am to see you,” he cried.


The new fellow eyed him up and down and cooed, “You’re a sight for sore eyes, too, you gorgeous thing!”


“Crap,” sighed Daniel, “there go my Sundays.”

 

 

 

A Brit, a Mexican, and an American are on a cruise ship.

The Brit pulls out a box of tea bags, places one in his mug, and tosses the rest overboard. “In my country, tea is so plentiful I never have to conserve it.”

The Mexican pulls out a bottle of tequila, takes one shot, and throws the rest overboard. “In my country, tequila is so plentiful I never have to conserve it.”

The American, not to be outdone, grabs the Mexican and throws him overboard. The Brit, taken aback, shouts “Why the heck would you do that?!?”

The American replies, “That guy screwed my wife.”

 

 

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                            " Stay Safe Everyone "

Cruisin Paul

Rain, Rain Go Away Monday

Good evening my good friends. I feel like an umbrella, wet. This the third day in a row with rain and my daughter just informed me that tomorrow says more rain. This crazy. With quarantine and now more rain, what the heck is going on?
As I mentioned to some of you, my fob has been fixed and this will be the last time that I will say any thing about the fob. Here is the fob.

Scott and Alison will be singing on Wednesday evening at 7:30 pm. If you get a chance check it out and mention a comment or just mention that you are my friend. Remember:

               Scott Pietrangelo Facebook


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"What shall we play today?" said Florence to her best friend Jenny.
"Let's play schools," said Jenny.
"OK!" said Florence. "But I'm going to be absent."

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Daughter: Mom, I’m pregnant!
Mom: I thought I told you when a guy touches your boobs, say ‘don’t’, and when he touches your v**gina, say ‘stop’.
Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out,”don’t, stop, don’t, stop.”

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It was the end of the school year and Joey’s mother asked: “And were the exam questions difficult?”
“They weren’t bad at all,” her son replied. “It was the answers that gave me all the trouble.”

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*boy whispers to his mom during a wedding*
boy: “Mommy?”
mom: “What?”
boy: “Why is the girl dressed in white?”
mom: “Because this is the happiest day of her life.”
boy: “… so why is the boy dressed in black?”

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Doctor: You’re overweight.
Patient: I think I want a second opinion.
Doctor: You’re also ugly
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Wife: “Windows frozen.”
Husband: “Pour some warm water over them.”
Wife: “Computer completely screwed up now.”

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Cruisin Paul

Rain, Rain, Rain Thursday, All Rain

Hello Friends. This post will be all about today, RAIN. I left early this morning to take my Camero in to have an oil change, tire rotation, alignment and to have my new Fob. My car isn't done yet. In fact I just got a call and said that my car will have to stay overnight. They are having few wrinkles with the Fob. I've never heard about having to have the car stay over night. The first thing asked was, " What will be my cost for all of this? " Well, due to the virus problem they only have a skeleton crew so it wouldn't cost me any more then normal. Tomorrow we'll see what normal will be.
Oh by the way, it started to rain when I left this morning and it's still raining at the moment. 
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A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the
door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about
three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think
you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding
rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

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It had been raining non stop for weeks

A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.

Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, "Jump in, I can save you."

The stranded fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me."
>So the rowboat went on.

Then a motorboat came by. "The fellow in the motorboat shouted, "Jump in, I can save you."

To this the stranded man said, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."

So the motorboat went on.

Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, "Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety."

To this the stranded man again replied, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."

So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.

Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, "I had faith in you but you didn't save me, you let me drown. I don't understand why!"

To this God replied, "I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"

 

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Rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub...

A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle.


A tipsy- looking, curious gentleman came over to him and asked what he was doing.


'Fishing,' the old man said simply.


'Poor old fool,' the gentleman thought and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub.


As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the gentleman asked,


'And how many have you caught?'


‘You're the eighth.‘

 

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A man and woman are driving down the road...

A man and woman are driving down the road after dinner. The weather is awful, pouring rain and freezing cold.

As they go around a corner, the woman spots a dog on the side of the road that looks like it’s been hit by a car. She pleads with her husband to stop so they can check on the poor dog.

As they approach the dog, they realize that, sadly, the dog has passed away, and sadder still, a small, shivering puppy is nearby.
The lady immediately scoops up the orphan puppy and says, “Well, we have to keep him!”, as they get back into the car.

A few minutes down the road, she turns to her husband and says, “Oh, Bill! This poor thing is freezing!”

“Put it between your legs, honey and warm him up”, Bill says.

The wife replies, “Oh, but it’s soaking wet and smells awful!”

Bill replies, “Well, just hold it’s little nose; it’ll get used to it.”

 

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It's still raining. We'll see tomorrow

 

 

 

 

 

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Cruisin Paul

 

Gloomy Monday

Good quarantine Monday morning friends. Today I'm going to do memes about friends. I have good friends that have really helped me a great deal and you my blogger friends have made me feel so good especially those days when I was down. I will probably never get the opportunity to meet any of you but I consider you all a wonderful friend.
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Now for a joke


Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say: ''It could have been worse.'' His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side. So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.

Joe asked: ''Where's Gary?''

And one of his friends said: ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''

Joe says: ''Well it could have been worse.''

Both his friends said: ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''

Joe says: ''If it had happened two days ago, I would be dead now!"

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See ya friends and please stay safe.


Cruisin Paul